of course my mother scheduled her non emergent surgery for the first day of my kids 2 week spring break.

[Anonymous]

of course!
why would she schedule it for literally any other time when i can travel 1000 miles to be there and give full focus while my kids are in school and dh is at work. And why would you call the surgeon and see if they can move it earlier or even 8 days later? when you could not do that.
ARGH.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to move it if she wants help from you.

[Anonymous]

If it’s non-emergent and she did not consult you for timing, maybe she’s not needing or expecting your help.

[Anonymous]

op - it's major enough surgery that it would be very weird if i weren't there.
of course she is saying 'dont worry you dont need to be there' - but that feels very bizarre. her saying 'you dont need to be there' feels more like a ridiculous comment you'd make bc you dont want to change the date, rather than a real reflection of what's needed.

[Anonymous]

She says you arent needed. Listen to her.

[Anonymous]

Is she married? Who else would be taking care of her other than you?

[Anonymous]

I would take her word for it and not go. Maybe she needs to learn her lesson.

[Anonymous]

Why are you arguing when she says you don’t need to be there? Take her at her word. Enjoy your time with your kids for spring break.

[Anonymous]

She probably had limited options on dates and wants to get it over with, plus she didn't ask you to go!

[Anonymous]

I don’t know what you’re complaining about. She said you aren’t needed there. Maybe she deliberately scheduled for when she knew you were busy because she didn’t want you there!

[Anonymous]

She said you don't need to come and you need to take care of your kids. It seems like you're creating a conflict where there isn't one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what you’re complaining about. She said you aren’t needed there. Maybe she deliberately scheduled for when she knew you were busy because she didn’t want you there!

Lol I thought the same thing. OP, gently, are you prone to unproductive fretting/freaking out? If she has other help you might not be her first choice to hang out while recovering.

[Anonymous]

OP...she said you don't need to be there.

Also, it's very possible that it was scheduled by the dr/surgical center. My mom has shoulder replacement surgery scheduled for Good Friday-I was like, they do that on that day? Anyhow, she didn't get to choose, unless she wanted to wait much longer-and she's in pain, so that's not ok.

Ask her directly what her plans for care after the surgery are.

[Anonymous]

You don't always get much say in when your surgery can be scheduled, it's up to the surgeon's and the facility's schedules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't always get much say in when your surgery can be scheduled, it's up to the surgeon's and the facility's schedules.

What?!? You say “no, I’m sorry, that day will not work for me.” Then they pick another day.