Elderly parents are “tribal”

[Anonymous]

Well, my mom didn't have an avocado until her twenties. Italian food was exotic. Schoolhouse, small town and very limited experience. Radio and then everything was from TV. Now that the world is opening up older people are curious. Combine that with less filter. You get harmless old people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they from NY? I find that’s a more common world view there.

NY state in general or NYC?

DP. The boroughs and Long Island. They ask "where you're from" or "what are you" and not just to dark people or people with accents. People identify as Italian, Greek, Irish, Polish, etc.

Not just there. I had an elderly woman at the waiting room of my doctor's office ask me "what are you?" is almost an angry tone. I was confused by her tone and then said "I'm sorry, did you say something?" She said, "What ARE you? Where are you from?" I said "I am from the DC area." Then she got annoyed and said "Where are your ancestors from?" I said that they are from all over and it depends how far back you go. So then I got "You look so ethnic. What ARE you?" Then the nurse came and it was time for my annual checkup. She was a loud woman and I got the sense if I moved away or said "I need to check my messages" she still would not have let it go. I also just felt strangely uncomfortable around her like if I had been blond, blue-eyed and white enough she would not have asked me these questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they from NY? I find that’s a more common world view there.

NY state in general or NYC?

DP. The boroughs and Long Island. They ask "where you're from" or "what are you" and not just to dark people or people with accents. People identify as Italian, Greek, Irish, Polish, etc.

Not just there. I had an elderly woman at the waiting room of my doctor's office ask me "what are you?" is almost an angry tone. I was confused by her tone and then said "I'm sorry, did you say something?" She said, "What ARE you? Where are you from?" I said "I am from the DC area." Then she got annoyed and said "Where are your ancestors from?" I said that they are from all over and it depends how far back you go. So then I got "You look so ethnic. What ARE you?" Then the nurse came and it was time for my annual checkup. She was a loud woman and I got the sense if I moved away or said "I need to check my messages" she still would not have let it go. I also just felt strangely uncomfortable around her like if I had been blond, blue-eyed and white enough she would not have asked me these questions.

This isn't what OP is asking for, but there is a difference between people being annoyed with those who look different and those who are trying to order their worlds. I grew up in NJ in the 1980s and people often talked about and were asked about their heritage. it just was. I was never offended by that. A couple weeks ago, though, some old coot told me to go back to where I came from in a store in Bethesda. These are totally different conversations (and the doctor's office conversation comes closer to that), and as long as OP's parents are just giving non-offensive descriptors, I think they should be left alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they from NY? I find that’s a more common world view there.

NY state in general or NYC?

DP. The boroughs and Long Island. They ask "where you're from" or "what are you" and not just to dark people or people with accents. People identify as Italian, Greek, Irish, Polish, etc.

Not just there. I had an elderly woman at the waiting room of my doctor's office ask me "what are you?" is almost an angry tone. I was confused by her tone and then said "I'm sorry, did you say something?" She said, "What ARE you? Where are you from?" I said "I am from the DC area." Then she got annoyed and said "Where are your ancestors from?" I said that they are from all over and it depends how far back you go. So then I got "You look so ethnic. What ARE you?" Then the nurse came and it was time for my annual checkup. She was a loud woman and I got the sense if I moved away or said "I need to check my messages" she still would not have let it go. I also just felt strangely uncomfortable around her like if I had been blond, blue-eyed and white enough she would not have asked me these questions.

This isn't what OP is asking for, but there is a difference between people being annoyed with those who look different and those who are trying to order their worlds. I grew up in NJ in the 1980s and people often talked about and were asked about their heritage. it just was. I was never offended by that. A couple weeks ago, though, some old coot told me to go back to where I came from in a store in Bethesda. These are totally different conversations (and the doctor's office conversation comes closer to that), and as long as OP's parents are just giving non-offensive descriptors, I think they should be left alone.

Thx, OP here…this is helpful. Yes it’s non-offensive questions and descriptors in public but it can be awkward…often its a younger person who has to say “well I was born here, my parents are from the Philippines” in response to the questions. My parents act like they’re surprised so many foreigners got into the country. LOL

[Anonymous]

Philadelphia is very clannish and has the Italian, Polish and Irish and African American neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they from NY? I find that’s a more common world view there.

NY state in general or NYC?

DP. The boroughs and Long Island. They ask "where you're from" or "what are you" and not just to dark people or people with accents. People identify as Italian, Greek, Irish, Polish, etc.

Not just there. I had an elderly woman at the waiting room of my doctor's office ask me "what are you?" is almost an angry tone. I was confused by her tone and then said "I'm sorry, did you say something?" She said, "What ARE you? Where are you from?" I said "I am from the DC area." Then she got annoyed and said "Where are your ancestors from?" I said that they are from all over and it depends how far back you go. So then I got "You look so ethnic. What ARE you?" Then the nurse came and it was time for my annual checkup. She was a loud woman and I got the sense if I moved away or said "I need to check my messages" she still would not have let it go. I also just felt strangely uncomfortable around her like if I had been blond, blue-eyed and white enough she would not have asked me these questions.

This isn't what OP is asking for, but there is a difference between people being annoyed with those who look different and those who are trying to order their worlds. I grew up in NJ in the 1980s and people often talked about and were asked about their heritage. it just was. I was never offended by that. A couple weeks ago, though, some old coot told me to go back to where I came from in a store in Bethesda. These are totally different conversations (and the doctor's office conversation comes closer to that), and as long as OP's parents are just giving non-offensive descriptors, I think they should be left alone.

DP. It looks like this is what OP is asking for—empathy, anecdotes.

I haven’t gotten the “Where are you from?” question until a recent visit to Chicago. I only get asked that in insular, less educated areas and by old people. (My mother is old and also talks in that ignorant way though from a different cultural lens.) With either group, friendship seems to work the best to reduce ignorance or hate, even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they from NY? I find that’s a more common world view there.

NY state in general or NYC?

DP. The boroughs and Long Island. They ask "where you're from" or "what are you" and not just to dark people or people with accents. People identify as Italian, Greek, Irish, Polish, etc.

Not just there. I had an elderly woman at the waiting room of my doctor's office ask me "what are you?" is almost an angry tone. I was confused by her tone and then said "I'm sorry, did you say something?" She said, "What ARE you? Where are you from?" I said "I am from the DC area." Then she got annoyed and said "Where are your ancestors from?" I said that they are from all over and it depends how far back you go. So then I got "You look so ethnic. What ARE you?" Then the nurse came and it was time for my annual checkup. She was a loud woman and I got the sense if I moved away or said "I need to check my messages" she still would not have let it go. I also just felt strangely uncomfortable around her like if I had been blond, blue-eyed and white enough she would not have asked me these questions.

This isn't what OP is asking for, but there is a difference between people being annoyed with those who look different and those who are trying to order their worlds. I grew up in NJ in the 1980s and people often talked about and were asked about their heritage. it just was. I was never offended by that. A couple weeks ago, though, some old coot told me to go back to where I came from in a store in Bethesda. These are totally different conversations (and the doctor's office conversation comes closer to that), and as long as OP's parents are just giving non-offensive descriptors, I think they should be left alone.

New poster here.
Same here, but Boston area.

[Anonymous]

My FIL is like this. He asks people where they are from in a friendly sort of way, not pushy or aggressive, but definitely cringy. And he always brings up ethnicity in stories where it has no bearing. “My old boss, she was a black lady, used to always eat the same salad every day for lunch!” “I met the nicest lady on my walk today, she was Asian, she forgot her umbrella and got soaked in the rain.” He also does the same thing if someone is gay, and comments on if they are overweight or skinny. It’s hard to explain because he isn’t bashing someone for being fat or gay or whatever ethnicity, he just randomly points it out even when it’s totally unrelated to whatever anecdote he is relating.

[Anonymous]

I always say I am from Denmark.

"But you look Asian".
"Nope, I am White with nordic ancestors".

No one asks you to give the correct answer.

[Anonymous]

Some people are genuinely interested where others are from, but understand how cringy it is.