I need someone to tell me that my kids will be fine with both parents working 9-5

[Anonymous]

My two kids are in college and were in daycare/extended day from the time they were infants. They are happy, well-adjusted, successful young adults who are doing well academically, have strong friendships and date good people, and are all around doing well. Both my DH and I are very close with both of them and they talk to us a lot and ask for our advice and assistance sometimes, but are also pretty independent.

Believe me, I had the same worries as you do, but had I known how well things would have turned out I would have lost a lot less sleep.

[Anonymous]

I'm with my kids a ton of hours, we're friends with many families that have their kids in care 10+ hours a day. I see no difference in the kids happiness and development / the quality of parent connection etc etc etc between the two.

Your kids will be do great - good luck in the new role!

[Anonymous]

Wfh is awesome. In a few years they’ll walk from elementary or the bus to you.

[Anonymous]

Idk… I don’t think my own kids would like being stuck in aftercare or in daycare all day. So we have a FT nanny and probably will continue to until they can drive. And I try to knock off early from work (and make it up at night) so I can spend those afternoon hours with one or the other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They will be totally fine!!! Especially since it is fully WFH. That is a totally different proposition than being done at work at 5pm and having a commute on top of it.

+100000!!

Your kids will be fine. And having a mom who is fulfilled is important. Also in elementary my kids LOVE extended day and it has helped them make so many friends.

[Anonymous]

Does you 6 yr old go to public school with a bus? If so, what time would they get to the bus stop if you started doing bus? My kids' bus arrives at our stop at 3:55; on days I WFH I pop out and walk 2 blocks to meet them; they come home and have a snack and get a little screen time or color or play in backyard while I finish up work for one more hour. The interruption to my work is utterly minimal. Maybe your older won't even need aftercare. We've been able to work out after school activities thanks mostly to carpools. We all have family dinner together at about 6:15/6:30 almost every night. (Pretty soon 5:15 will feel too early for dinner anyways as kids get older, activities, stay up later, etc...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk… I don’t think my own kids would like being stuck in aftercare or in daycare all day. So we have a FT nanny and probably will continue to until they can drive. And I try to knock off early from work (and make it up at night) so I can spend those afternoon hours with one or the other

You’re going to have a nanny until your kids are 16.25 years old?

[Anonymous]

I’ve rearranged my life to be home for the afternoon bus and my elementary aged kids are bummed not to be in aftercare with their friends. Ya can’t win.

Also if you are WAH, they won’t need aftercare once they’re a bit older. Honestly my 6 and 8 y/o are really good at fending for themselves with snack and entertainment right after school. If this is a great opportunity, then I wouldn’t pass it up just because of what your life looks like in this moment. You’re not that far off from them not needing you as much as the little kid years and opportunities to jump off the mommy track don’t come along all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk… I don’t think my own kids would like being stuck in aftercare or in daycare all day. So we have a FT nanny and probably will continue to until they can drive. And I try to knock off early from work (and make it up at night) so I can spend those afternoon hours with one or the other

How old are your kids? Once they are ~6 they will not want to hang with a nanny after school. My only friends that still keep a nanny once their kids are school age have long hours with in office jobs, so they basically need a third parent on standby for sick/snow/teacher work days. My kids wish they were in aftercare instead of coming home right away, but we couldn’t get spots.

[Anonymous]

They will be fine! Both of my parents worked 9-5 jobs and actually had to travel for weeks at a time. I still had a WONDERFUL childhood and maintained a great relationship with my parents. I learned early on how fulfilling work can be and it doesn't have to be a sacrifice. I also saw firsthand the value of an equal partnership. FWIW, I also turned out fine. Got straight As, went to a great in-state college then an ivy grad program and now have a great career/home life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk… I don’t think my own kids would like being stuck in aftercare or in daycare all day. So we have a FT nanny and probably will continue to until they can drive. And I try to knock off early from work (and make it up at night) so I can spend those afternoon hours with one or the other

Agree. Unpopular opinion, but I think it’s a long day for the 3 year old.

[Anonymous]

They will be fine.

My two were in outside the home care from 7:30-6:00 from 6th months to middle school in the case of my oldest and 5th grade in the case of my youngest.

Instead of playing with other kids in the neighborhood after school, they played with them in aftercare onsite at their elementary school.

It wasn't perfect for my kids but it wasn't harmful to their development or temperament. They did enjoy the pandemic school years because they didn't have to go to a care program.

My sons are very aware that moms are people too and that they may need or want to work. I think that will make them better dads and partners.

If you have the option, at older ages, to let your kids come home right after school and be self-occupying, I do see value in that.

[Anonymous]

My kids have been at either daycare or school + aftercare since they were 4 months old. They still complain that I pick them up to early if I get to aftercare before 5:45 pm. They're living their best life with their friends who are usually more fun than parents. No regrets at all.

[Anonymous]

They will be fine. My kids are older now and I'm SO glad I pursued my career when they were little. We had a nanny and pre-covid I worked outside the home during those hours and it all worked out.

[Anonymous]

My youngest is 8 so my kids were young pre covid. I LOVED daycare because I could drop them at 8am and pick them up at 530pm without any other logistics. It was perfect. Shifting to Kindergarten was a huge shock to having to cover random morning and afternoon schedules and also work full time. Currently my husband and I stagger wfh schedules so one of is thete before and after school and we dont use extended day. So my kids are home MORE than they were at younger ages.

I would not worry about your situation one bit. Find reliable care for all of those hours because youll want it at first so you arent stressed getting up to speed in a new job. But when both are in elementary school you may find that you have enough control and flexibility to drop the after care and just figure out bus stop drop off and pick up with your husband while working these hours.