Feeling weird about this B-list invite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I heard bus so I say "no."
But that's just me.

If you think it would be fun, then go.

+1
But it would be funny if op skipped and then heard everyone talk about the fun last minute invite at dinner where coworker mentions the sudden idea and availability

[Anonymous]

If you are free and think it would be fun and want to go, please go. Don't overthink things!

[Anonymous]

I would not over think this. The reality of life is that people have many friends, but not every friend is on the same level of intimacy, and that's especially true for someone old enough to celebrate a milestone birthday.

It stings initially to realize that you're not the most intimate of her friends. But you can't dwell on that. The fact is you're close enough to be part of her celebration.

Personally, I'd evaluate the activity based on its own merit and decide.

[Anonymous]

Agree with most folks here. If you want to go and you'll have fun then go. Just acknowledge you're B list and be grateful you have friends that want to party with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would not bother me at all. And the reality is that lots of things might have happened. She could be late doing this. She could have meant to invite you but left you off the first group text. She really wanted to include you all along but didn’t have room, etc.

That's how I would feel about it. The alleged A list probably had people on it she 'had' to invite (various +1s or relatives), but she would have preferred you. She's happy someone bailed, so now you can be there just as she always wanted.

[Anonymous]

Do you have to pay for your spot?

If no, I'd consider going.

If yes, hard pass.

[Anonymous]

I would say no. I don't ride buses.

[Anonymous]

If I invite someone somewhere, it’s because I want them there. Even if they were not in the A list, that doesn’t mean anything. Sometimes you have to sort people because you don’t have unlimited space. It doesn’t mean anything. I have a friend I generally don’t invite over when I am having a get together because she spends a lot of time with her in laws and travel sports with her kids. Sometimes she gets the “b list” invite but it’s not because I like her less, I like her a lot. She’s just generally not available on weekends so I don’t bother.

[Anonymous]

Women make everything into drama. Everything has to be passive aggressive. Everything has to have an agenda.

If this was a guy he would just go and have fun. Who cares if he was on the "first list". Oh, no...I wasn't on the first list of friends...my feelings are hurt".

Are you in high school?

Seriously, go if you want. If not, don't. But, wow making this so much more than it is shows how much drama women create for themselves. You already know you're not close friends with this person. She did invite you to the dinner so that means she does like you as friend. But, that doesn't mean she has to treat you like her best friend.

Come on now. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I invite someone somewhere, it’s because I want them there. Even if they were not in the A list, that doesn’t mean anything. Sometimes you have to sort people because you don’t have unlimited space. It doesn’t mean anything. I have a friend I generally don’t invite over when I am having a get together because she spends a lot of time with her in laws and travel sports with her kids. Sometimes she gets the “b list” invite but it’s not because I like her less, I like her a lot. She’s just generally not available on weekends so I don’t bother.

100%

[Anonymous]

Do you know any of the other people going? You're a work friend and if the rest are her outside work friends you may feel odd. Plus spending 2 weekend nights celebrating the same person's birthday is too much for me. But I would base my decision on who else is going and how well I knew them.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine being upset about this! First of all you were invited to dinner tonight. It’s likely that a different set of friends set up the bus party and it was full with people who were friends but not coworkers. Now a spot opened up and you’re probably one of the first people she thought of. Instead of being offended, I would look at it the opposite!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The important question is do you think it will be fun and do you want to go?

If yes, then go.

If no, then don’t.

Parties sometimes have B lists. There is nothing wrong with that and there is nothing wrong with being on one.

Agree. You don't need to feel obligated to go obviously, but it's fine to attend if you think it would be fun, would have other friends there etc

[Anonymous]

The only way this would bother me is if I thought she was literally my best friend. Otherwise it would not bother me at all. I'd go if I wanted to go and thought I'd have a good time, decline if I genuinely had a conflict or just didn't think it would be fun. Assuming this is someone I genuinely like.

It's happened both ways to me.... someone invites me to an event, and I realized I hadn't invite them when I'd had a similar event. It was nothing personal. I also have friends with whom I consider myself close, who have huge circles themselves. They've had events were I didn't make the cut just because they have so many people in their orbit. I still like them. It's all good. If you spend your time worrying about every single action of your friends, you will eventually have very few friends. Life is too short to worry about this petty stuff.

[Anonymous]

You are work colleagues. Why would this bother you?

I personally wouldn’t want to go on a bus tour.

If you think the bus would be fun, go. If not, decline.

I make last minute plans all the time. I also don’t mind if a friend invites me somewhere last minute. If I’m available and want to go, I go.