Would you let your child continue with an expensive and time consuming sport if they aren’t any good at it?
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Anonymous
| No. If he's just rising the bench, and not getting the most play time, it's time to switch and do something else. |
Anonymous
Absolutely! If it brings them joy and keeps them active. What other “payoff” were you hoping for? |
Anonymous
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My general philosophy was that my support for their activities was dependent on how much effort they were willing to invest. If they wanted to try something, they had to commit to completing the full session they were signing up for. If they wanted to go beyond that, they had to show they wanted to do extra.
For example, DC started playing an instrument at school. When they got into it and started practicing a lot at home, we purchased a nice instrument (certainly not professional, but a noticeable upgrade from the one we had been leasing), were willing to arrange the private lessons, and supported them joining a youth orchestra. However, when they couldn’t be bothered to practice for youth orchestra (or much at all), I said I wasn’t willing to invest my time in the youth orchestra if they weren’t invested enough to practice. In your son’s case, I’d base my decision on his level of effort. If he’s practicing as much as he can and giving it his all, I’d be inclined to continue supporting his preferred activity (as long as it didn’t create hardship for the family - there are obviously limits). On the other hand, if he just liked hanging out with his friends and occasionally playing a little, I’d tell him that he could play on the less demanding team and arrange play dates with his friends if he wanted to hang out with them outside of school. |
Anonymous
NP. My kid who was like this at 10 is now playing college as a starter. Drive and determination can go a long way. |
Anonymous
Keep doing it for at least a couple more years, OP. Being part of a team is extremely valuable to development of social skills and self esteem, and it sounds like having him on the team is great for others too, especially as he seems to be a very “coachable” kid who sets a good example for others. Star athlete is not the only valuable role in a team environment. |
Anonymous
| Nope. On to the next! |
Anonymous
| The fact that you encourage your kids to do sports for the "pay off" is really sad OP. My kids are mediocre at many sports and I encourage what they enjoy. |
Anonymous
Agree. The payoff is he isn’t in his bedroom playing video games. That is worth it |
Anonymous
| This might be unpopular to say but at 11, if he’s doing a travel sport and is at a competitive level, you should seriously consider outside private coaching. Many kids at this age in competitive sports get outside support alongside their team training. Team practices are often just that-time for team things. Individual improvement comes from practice on your own but a private or group lesson can help teach your child what they should work on. Along with skills, your child could also benefit from exercises designed to help improve speed and strength training. I’m sure you’ll start seeing positive growth. Unfortunately, youth sports often require that extra money for private lessons or extra training to be competitive. |
Anonymous
We chatted with coach today and he said DS is one of the most devoted players on the team. He thinks he just hadn’t found his groove yet. He practices constantly. When playing with the neighborhood kids he’s good, but he’s not really on the same level as his teammates. |
Anonymous
He is getting private lessons and extra coaching time. Hence the expensive and time consuming. |
Anonymous
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I would say yes, IF
-it’s in your budget -it doesn’t take parent time or opportunities away from his siblings -he keeps his grades up -has a generally good attitude. Not perfect, but not a brat Otherwise I would reconsider. But if he loves it and it fits nicely into your life. Of course, he doesn’t have to be good at it, it just has to bring him good health (physical and mental) |
Anonymous
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No
Your kid is aware of his ability and it can be crushing to self esteem. It’s also self perpetuating in that he doesn’t do very well and then gets anxious and can’t do his best and on and on Move on. Find something else |
Anonymous
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As someone who was in a similar position at this age — I adored figure skating but by the time I was 10 everyone knew that I was never going to be any good; I was too big and my parents always encouraged me to prioritize school anyway — I’m so so glad my parents let me keep skating. I loved my 6am practices before school (biggest shoutout to my dad for getting up and taking me to these) and I love getting to learn new skills (even if it took me three or four times longer than the other kids) and I loved performing in the ice show every spring and I love competing with our synchronized skating team (even if I was taller than most of the 18 year olds when I was 12). I think being allowed to do something I was bad at was actually good for me in a lot of ways: I learned that the important thing about doing stuff for fun is that it’s FOR FUN regardless of whether you’re any good, I learned how to work hard and take criticism without getting defensive, and I acquired a habit of exercise.
In retrospect what my parents spend on ice time, lessons, skates, costumes, tests, travel for competitions, etc was ridiculous to say nothing of the aforementioned 6am practices and taking me to the rink in the next town over every day all summer and silly weekend trips to sit in yet another ice rink all winter. But I’m really glad they could afford it and were willing to make it work. But there are finances to consider as well as familial logistical sanity — but I would make those decisions based on what you feel you can handle rather than your child’s talent. |
Anonymous
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Absolutely.
Of course I would. Being good isn’t the point. |