First grade bullying - what would you do next

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry this happened - it is heartbreaking as a parent. I have a first grade girl with similar differences and would be livid, and not hesitate to contact whoever I could that would help at the school. I agree that this is extreme for first grade, and I assume will only get worse. Advocate for your sweet girl and know it’s awesome she has opened up to you and her sister with all of this.

[Anonymous]

The cutting the stuffie’s neck thing is really psychotic.

[Anonymous]

You won’t be able to forgive yourself if you don’t escalate this! My 1st grader was harassed (nothing nearly this bad) and I reported everything.

[Anonymous]

I would escalate to email main teacher and cc principal/assistant principal using words like bully, tears, nightmares, scared/worried of going to school, feeling unsafe, isolated etc. We are minority and my kid has IEP, I will add to use racism & discrimination and cc special educator in the email. I would google search to write a nice email for evidence trail and record. I may take my kid to pediatrican for an appointment to document it and to see there is no bruise and to make sure that there is no physical injury or mental distress. Our practice has psychologist/counselor on site. I will let school know that I take my kid to doctor office for examination and checkup/evaluation etc.

[Anonymous]

This is really crazy behavior for first grade. I would definitely contact the principal. Why is there so much unsupervised time where something like this can happen?!

[Anonymous]

Op here. To answer some questions / provide an update. We’re in CA if that makes any difference. My daughter explained that there is a basket of stuffed animals you can read to during reading time. One happens to be her favorite animal and that’s why the stuffed animal was there. I wrote the teacher an email yesterday asking if we could have additional time either during our planned conference this week or sometime soon. She responded within an hour or two that it was her first time to sit down but that she’d planned to reach out to me. She said she can stay past our conference time. She said some girls used “very unkind words” and one “pushed” my daughter. She said she spoke to all three children who were the aggressors and called the parents of the one she saw pushing. My daughter tells me the teacher also pulled her aside to “get my side of the story” though I don’t know if the teacher knows about the kicking and the throat cutting gesture / comment.

Today we went to B’s birthday party. A was invited but didn’t attend (perhaps weather perhaps other reasons l, I don’t know). My daughter saw A’s name on the list and said “I don’t want to see her or talk to her right now” and I told her she didn’t have to, and in fact probably shouldn’t, so it worked well she wasn’t there. Because B moved only a few months ago and came from a town near by, the only girls from their class were B, my daughter, and one other girl I’d heard about and hadn’t met (let’s say C). B and C both squealed my daughter’s name and ran over jumping up and down and hugged her when we arrived and C’s mom was extremely friendly so that did my heart good. B also had her best friend from her old school there and I told my daughter that friend didn’t know people as well and might appreciate if we made sure to include her. By the time we left that friend asked her mom if we could have a playdate and whether my daughter could go to her birthday party. So, while I’m sad about the situation at school and will discuss it with the teacher this week and possibly elevate it, it did my heart good to see my daughter at the party. I asked my daughter what solution she hopes for (moving classrooms, staying put…) she said she wants to stay put, wants the bullying to stop, and hopes A will learn to be her friend again. In terms of supervision, I’m not entirely sure. It is hard that there are 22 kids and one teacher. C’s mom told me a boy bullied her daughter last year and when she told the teacher the teacher said “kids will be kids” and completely dismissed her concerns. By contrast I feel like my daughter’s teacher is taking the behavior seriously and I appreciate knowing she already spoke to the parents of one of the children.

[Anonymous]

Just to warn you that CA has really dived into some alternative disciplinary models (e.g. restorative justice) that are typically not very effective ones. So please watch carefully what the school is doing and the impact of it, not just what they say they are doing and what the impact will be.

[Anonymous]

I would not send my child back to this school.

[Anonymous]

Op here. DD told a different adult, who told us, that the bully kicked her and some kids dog piled on her. One shoe came off and she couldn’t find it. Another girl (the one who was her friend, then joined the bullies, and now it’s hard to know) helped her find it in the trash can. Ugh. Time to escalate I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DD told a different adult, who told us, that the bully kicked her and some kids dog piled on her. One shoe came off and she couldn’t find it. Another girl (the one who was her friend, then joined the bullies, and now it’s hard to know) helped her find it in the trash can. Ugh. Time to escalate I suppose.

Did that just happen? So your kid doesn’t want to deal with the weird girl who keeps insinuating herself into situations with your DD and it keeps escalating into fights?

How does your DD let this aggressive weird girl know that she isn’t interested? Would it help if whenever she came around to find the teacher and tell them to get that kid away from her? Does your DD have any other friends she can go check in on whenever the pest comes around? How about the boys, at this age she could easily have friends from both genders. What is the class mix between the genders it sounds like your kid has limited girl options. Is this going on at recess time and are they with other classes that she can make friends from.

Definitely send a scathing email and get to the bottom of it. If you can get that aggressive weird girl kicked out of school your life won’t be the one disrupted.

Around 1st grade I did some role playing with my DS, the one on the spectrum and taught him some ways to tell if he is talking too much or the other kid is not engaged in the conversation. I also equipped him with some snappy comebacks to say to some kids who were making fun of him. And how to exit the conversation and see what other kids/friends are doing when he gets sick of someone

[Anonymous]

A kid in my child’s second-grade class made death threats (similar to stuffed animal thing). Now in middle school, same kid was just suspended for throwing another against wall of bathroom.

There are bad seeds (or kids prone to anger who are volatile/dangerous). The school won’t do much. I would escalate but also teach your child to avoid this kid, don’t engage, etc.

[Anonymous]

The kids are out of control. YouTube and fnaf does not help and way too many parents use unmonitored devices as a babysitter and we all pay the price for it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really crazy behavior for first grade. I would definitely contact the principal. Why is there so much unsupervised time where something like this can happen?!

This is horrific, there is a little psychopath in the mix. Kids that age have preferences and no filters. They might say mean things (you are weird etc), they might exclude (you can't play with us), they might shove or hit if they get angry during playtime. They don't bring a favorite toy to school to use as an effigy or jump a classmate. For the sake of your daughter's mental health, you need to make a very big deal out of this, she needs to know you've got her back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A kid in my child’s second-grade class made death threats (similar to stuffed animal thing). Now in middle school, same kid was just suspended for throwing another against wall of bathroom.

There are bad seeds (or kids prone to anger who are volatile/dangerous). The school won’t do much. I would escalate but also teach your child to avoid this kid, don’t engage, etc.

+1 This happened in my DC’s class as well but worse. The situation was handled alright, but yes, I tell my DC that these are bad seeds who don’t know right from wrong, that mindsets are contagious, and to stay away from bad people.

[Anonymous]

I would first tell your daughter to find nice people to hang out with. My first reaction is always to tell my kids they can only control themselves. Don't hang out with people who aren’t nice.

If that doesn’t work and the other girls seek her out to bother her - yes, then talk to the teacher.

As to whether you speak to the principal, I would consider that the nuclear option, and only do it if you never want to be friends with these families again. Doing that will not endear the other girls to your daughter when it causes them to get in trouble. You may decide it’s worth that but that’s what I think you need to know you’re doing when you go in with that approach.