separated but live together

[Anonymous]

I would try very hard to move out. It's not a healthy way to live.

[Anonymous]

A neighbor of ours did this but for a limited time. They agreed to live in the same house for one year because their only child was a senior in high school. The husband moved to the guest room in the house and there may have been rules for rent since they had divided assets (or at least settled the house) at that point. The summer when the child moved into their dorm, he moved across the country.

[Anonymous]

If spouse was at all fianncially abusive, forget it. OP, how do your friends and family feel about this? MIne stopped talking to me after I did this with my (no ex) abusive DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

Aside from dating, it's OK, if your home is large enough for you to stay out of each other's way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our neighbor have been divorced get this for 5 years. They are both in their late 40s. I had never heard of such an arrangement before. Extremely rare.

Do they have kids? Young? Old? Crazy.

[Anonymous]

Did it for years separated and twy years after divorce. It was not hard. We did not speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

It can get better. Go to couples counseling. Read some marriage communication books. You have more in common than differences.

And separately, build your own life. Reconnect with your old friends and nurture them. Spend time with your parents, siblings, etc. foster hobbies.

Or it can get worse. Going through this right now--separated under one roof with him basically living in the basement. Couples counseling for us just laid bare all the things that make us incompatible. We are working toward a financial agreement so he can move out. In the beginning it was okay, but as we start rebuilding our lives separately, it's become more difficult. I feel like I'm in limbo, waiting for my next life to begin, with someone in the house who either ignores me or despises me most of the time.

My entire marriage was like that. Separation was no different. Act like you are roommates. No need to talk.

[Anonymous]

How does it work as far as groceries, bills etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does it work as far as groceries, bills etc?

Separate expenses

[Anonymous]

I have a friend living in this situation. I think she is trying to stick it out until their child finishes high school in 3 years.

They have a dog. The dog is my friend’s. The ex? won’t even walk the dog occasionally. Dog is 100% my friend’s dog. I know they spend Xmas together. Her in laws came over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would try very hard to move out. It's not a healthy way to live.

This. I did it for a period of time and like a PP said, you are literally living in limbo. Physical separation is what really helped me move on and forget my ex.

[Anonymous]

I caught my H cheating and he moved to the nanny suite, and we lived together for 5 years until the kids went to college and moved out.

We never had tension while married and we continued to live that way.

Essentially nothing changed except he slept in a different room, and we stopped having sex.

It really was not all that complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

We had a large enough house that I moved into the in-law apartment downstairs. We barely interacted, as is required. It wasn't pleasant but it saved money, although that savings was a pittance in the great cost of asset division and alimony. At least the alimony was low and shortened because she was a cheating wwwhorrrre.

so the agreement spells out how much you can interact?

Not PP, but Im in VA and my attorney gave me guidelines re activities to do/things to avoid when separating inside the house.

[Anonymous]

I am currently doing this, my husband lives in the in law suite in the basement. We care for the kids as if it were our formal custody agreement, each of us has certain days and weekends we are on duty. I make myself scarce when I am not the one w the kids.

We talk about the kids, maybe a little bit about other stuff, but not a ton. We get along ok living like this in the short term but it would be better if we could just pull the band aid off and he could move out. Unfortunately we have some marital debts we want to take care of before establishing two residences.

It is a good way to ease into divorce/separation if you have kids who dont deal well w change. Or adults who don't deal well w change 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I caught my H cheating and he moved to the nanny suite, and we lived together for 5 years until the kids went to college and moved out.

We never had tension while married and we continued to live that way.

Essentially nothing changed except he slept in a different room, and we stopped having sex.

It really was not all that complicated.

Well it worked for you but for many of us it was NOT a good or healthy experience.