separated but live together

[Anonymous]

For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I could ever do that. What medical needs does your child have?

[Anonymous]

Our neighbor have been divorced get this for 5 years. They are both in their late 40s. I had never heard of such an arrangement before. Extremely rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

We had a large enough house that I moved into the in-law apartment downstairs. We barely interacted, as is required. It wasn't pleasant but it saved money, although that savings was a pittance in the great cost of asset division and alimony. At least the alimony was low and shortened because she was a cheating wwwhorrrre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

We had a large enough house that I moved into the in-law apartment downstairs. We barely interacted, as is required. It wasn't pleasant but it saved money, although that savings was a pittance in the great cost of asset division and alimony. At least the alimony was low and shortened because she was a cheating wwwhorrrre.

Did you have kids at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

We had a large enough house that I moved into the in-law apartment downstairs. We barely interacted, as is required. It wasn't pleasant but it saved money, although that savings was a pittance in the great cost of asset division and alimony. At least the alimony was low and shortened because she was a cheating wwwhorrrre.

so the agreement spells out how much you can interact?

[Anonymous]

I am doing this right now. No formal agreement. He sleeps downstairs. We interact basically to talk kids logistics. Two kids in upper elementary. I am carving out my own life. Kids have a happy parent 100 percent of the time instead of one 50 percent. I am fully disengaged from him. Kids love us both and also know that he is unhappy but loves them in his own way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am doing this right now. No formal agreement. He sleeps downstairs. We interact basically to talk kids logistics. Two kids in upper elementary. I am carving out my own life. Kids have a happy parent 100 percent of the time instead of one 50 percent. I am fully disengaged from him. Kids love us both and also know that he is unhappy but loves them in his own way.

Oh god. I can’t imagine growing up in the silent tension of two parents that don’t talk or interact. This is so damaging to them. Gonna have a lot of issues in their own marriages…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

We had a large enough house that I moved into the in-law apartment downstairs. We barely interacted, as is required. It wasn't pleasant but it saved money, although that savings was a pittance in the great cost of asset division and alimony. At least the alimony was low and shortened because she was a cheating wwwhorrrre.

Did she bring some of them to her room while still under one roof with u?

[Anonymous]

We did this for about a year. It was manageable But it was definitely time to end when it did. Mostly because we lived in a two bedroom with our child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

It can get better. Go to couples counseling. Read some marriage communication books. You have more in common than differences.

And separately, build your own life. Reconnect with your old friends and nurture them. Spend time with your parents, siblings, etc. foster hobbies.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see any issues at all. We did it for 2 years. We interacted. Our communications was mostly about the kids. I work long hours anyways so it was not that much different prior to the separation. Our kids barely noticed and we think it also helped them transition. We both saw other people and her brought our dates homes. My gf now fiancé had her own apartment. My gf though at the time was very jealous, she always freaked out that I would get back with my ex wife and/or continue having sex with her. So she would call me or text me at weird hours I guess to check on me. We saved a lot of money by staying in the same house. Sometimes in life you need to put finances first and put other things aside.

[Anonymous]

Since COVID this type of arrangement while uncommon is not unusual. Not everyone has the resources to pick up and leave. Adults should be able to establish boundaries esp when kids are involved. For couples who shout at each other all the time and/or can’t let past things go and get triggered every time they see their spouse this will obviously not work.

[Anonymous]

I tried this during covid so we were all "bubbled". Got assaulted. Zero stars, do not recommend.

But if you really don't have a choice... Rethink your choices. Maybe you do?

I'm obviously biased, but I don't see this working well. If you and your spouse were the "we just drifted apart" type, no acrimony, maybe. Honestly though, consider other ways to avoid this. It's a terrible dynamic, the tension sucks all around, and if your not-partner was at all abusive, staying in proximity gives them additional chances to cause trouble for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you have continued to live together while being separated, how did you make it work? I need to continue to live with DH for a variety of reasons including our DS's medical needs. thanks.

It can get better. Go to couples counseling. Read some marriage communication books. You have more in common than differences.

And separately, build your own life. Reconnect with your old friends and nurture them. Spend time with your parents, siblings, etc. foster hobbies.

Or it can get worse. Going through this right now--separated under one roof with him basically living in the basement. Couples counseling for us just laid bare all the things that make us incompatible. We are working toward a financial agreement so he can move out. In the beginning it was okay, but as we start rebuilding our lives separately, it's become more difficult. I feel like I'm in limbo, waiting for my next life to begin, with someone in the house who either ignores me or despises me most of the time.