More of a vent than anything: friends and HS assignment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW my parents let me fend for myself. There were instances where their help would have been invaluable but I didn't get it. Sad, but it did make me more resilient.

Sounds like you do a lot for your kid (my parents would never have been thinking about any of this.) It's good and it's enough. Your kid's reaction tells me he will be okay in high school.

Thank you so much, PP!
I think I maybe grew up similar to you in that my parents were often clueless about how little things from them would have made a world of difference.
That’s why I may be overly hard on myself for similar things

Fwiw he will have some people he knows at his HS. Just not his “friend group”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother was like this. He struggled with basic planning and coordinating socially. As one example, he needed his parking pass application signed by the football coach and he kept putting it off/forgetting/who knows. Finally, his little sister, who was sick of taking the bus, matched up to the head football coach in front of 100+ football players and asked him to sign the form for her brother. It took all of 10 seconds and was done, but my brother would have *never* done it.

I'll say that these issues have persisted into adulthood and my brother still struggles with adulting. My mom thinks it's untreated anxiety. It's probably some of that, but I also think he comes off as a nice guy and all the women in his life (mom, sister, girlfriends, school secretaries) ended up stepping in and handling it for him so he never had to figure it out. Don't let that happen to your son. Make him schedule his own dentist and doctor appointments, take his own car to have the oil changed, call to ask for an exception to request a transfer, do his own laundry, etc.

PP, this is insightful!
How old is your brother and does he live more or less on his own and more or less “successfully” meaning he doesn’t really drop the ball on big things?

I didn’t put it in my OP but DS is generally like that - procrastinates, “forgets”, gives up easily if even a little hurdle comes up. He is getting better (was way worse in 7th grade) so I was hoping it’s within the range of normal but who knows.

Anyway, in this instance I was worried *I* didn’t do enough

[Anonymous]

The other thing to keep in mind is that friend groups in HS change a lot so he will likely be okay no matter what.

[Anonymous]

OP here, anyway, looks like I didn’t let my kid down or anything
Thanks for all your help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW my parents let me fend for myself. There were instances where their help would have been invaluable but I didn't get it. Sad, but it did make me more resilient.

Sounds like you do a lot for your kid (my parents would never have been thinking about any of this.) It's good and it's enough. Your kid's reaction tells me he will be okay in high school.

Thank you so much, PP!
I think I maybe grew up similar to you in that my parents were often clueless about how little things from them would have made a world of difference.
That’s why I may be overly hard on myself for similar things

Fwiw he will have some people he knows at his HS. Just not his “friend group”.

This might be for the best. I'm trying to shake my 8th grader free from his "friend" group. There is so much disrespectful behavior to him that I'd love to see them in the rear view mirror with him starting fresh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW my parents let me fend for myself. There were instances where their help would have been invaluable but I didn't get it. Sad, but it did make me more resilient.

Sounds like you do a lot for your kid (my parents would never have been thinking about any of this.) It's good and it's enough. Your kid's reaction tells me he will be okay in high school.

Thank you so much, PP!
I think I maybe grew up similar to you in that my parents were often clueless about how little things from them would have made a world of difference.
That’s why I may be overly hard on myself for similar things

Fwiw he will have some people he knows at his HS. Just not his “friend group”.

This might be for the best. I'm trying to shake my 8th grader free from his "friend" group. There is so much disrespectful behavior to him that I'd love to see them in the rear view mirror with him starting fresh.

OP here.
I am sorry this is happening to your DS!
Mine actually asked me to put in the transfer application for him after seeing some activity from his target school so I did, and let the chips fall where they may.
But I know now it’s perfectly fine if he goes to his assigned school.

[Anonymous]

He’s probably feeling a little anxiety over HS which is natural but also a little ambivalent about these guys that aren’t really his friends. This will be an opportunity for him to make better friends next year. Make sure he joins some clubs which are a good way to meet new people and ideally take some classes that have some group work.

[Anonymous]

Before he starts high school, I would encourage him to join a fall sport (will have workouts and practices over the summer) or if he plays an instrument, marching band (also has practices over the summer.)
Some of these will start at the very beginning of summer break, so it might be good to start looking now.
This is a really good way to meet new friends and see familiar faces in the hallways on the first day of school.

[Anonymous]

The norm is to attend the high school you are zoned for. It is not the norm to transfer to another school for friends, especially if the kid isn’t even asking you to do so. It sounds like you asked him and he answered you too late. I don’t see a problem here.

I tried to switch my kids to private. They both wanted to stay at their local public.

[Anonymous]

They don’t let you switch high schools for friend purposes anyway - you need some thing more valid.

[Anonymous]

I don't really see the issue. Entry into high school is a great time to branch out as a lot of kids are new or seperated from middle school friends or just in different classes from all of their existing friends, and there is usually a drive at the beginning of the year to meet new people from most kids, especially freshman year.

Its also probably a blessing in disguise. His current friends don't seem to be super enthusiastic about him, so going to a new school will force him to make new friends. I know the worry is that he won't make new friends but honestly sometimes mediocre existing friends end up being a crutch that keeps kids from moving on, rather than them lacking social skills.

This happened with my daughter. A best friend and boyfriend break up the end of freshman year led her to making SO many new friends after years of making very few new friends. It will be fine.

[Anonymous]

You're very sensitive to "rude" replies, but just a tip. Please write better. Before you write, ask yourself: "why am I posting?" Is it to ask a question, or just vent? Then lay out a coherent set of sentences with a chronological description, or a set of themes, whatever best suits your situation.

Since there is no issue, I'm not sure what you want from us, OP. You've got to parent the fuzzy kid you have, not the social butterfly super organized and clear-sighted kid you wish to have. Watch out for college applications! No missing deadlines then!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don’t let you switch high schools for friend purposes anyway - you need some thing more valid.

It sounds like OP might not be local. Although in APS you can apply for lottery programs that could move you to another high school, and if there's room you can also apply for a neighborhood transfer. If a child is at a middle school that feeds more than one high school, there are absolutely scenarios where a family could apply to programs so that their child is at a different high school than their zoned one.