Devastated nanny is leaving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - She is not making it up. I’m not going to share her personal details here. Would love to hear from anyone sympathetic (I am really sad) or anyone with advice how to help my kids through this.

She was an employee and was never a part of your family! People come and go in all our lives. Stop with the histrionics. Your child is told nanny is leaving. Did you really think she would be there until your kid went to college? Maybe if you paid a lot more attention to him, the nanny leaving won't matter at all!

[Anonymous]

Your kids will be fine, not sure about you, however.

[Anonymous]

I thought it was the nanny who was devastated and clicked to see what her MB did to her!

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. I am still in the life of most of my former nanny families. Last weekend I took some now-teens to see the hunger games and then celebrated a birthday with some now-middle-schoolers. Some nannies DO become part of the family.

That said, your kids (and you!) will be okay. You might consider asking the current nanny to talk to some possible replacements. She might be good at sensing who is a good fit for your family and it would be a good sign to interviewees that the current nanny loves you and is still invested.

[Anonymous]

I 'm sorry, it makes sense you would feel sad. Ignore the meanings. She's essentually a second mother for your kids, paid or not. Hopefully you can keep in touch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When they are 8 they don’t even remember the nanny. I suggest starting at a daycare soon.

+1

Agree. And someone poached your nanny - it won't be the last time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids will be fine as long as you don’t act like this in front of them.

This. In a year your 2 yo will barely remember her.
It's OK that you feel sad! And they will feel sad in the moment which is ok too. I think you should look at (not share) some kid books on grief or upset so you can find the calm tone appropriate for sharing the news. "Nanny has to go be with her mom, we will miss her, should we do something nice to say goodbye?" is more or less what you're going for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids will be fine as long as you don’t act like this in front of them.

This. They will truly be fine. We had Au pairs so every two years was someone new. They lived with us, vacations, holidays, everything. The first time we transitioned to a new Au pair I thought it was going to devastate the kids. Sure they were sad, but not nearly as sad as I mother would be.

This is a life skill, op. Your kids need to learn how to deal with change. You crying for half a day is not great parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - She is not making it up. I’m not going to share her personal details here. Would love to hear from anyone sympathetic (I am really sad) or anyone with advice how to help my kids through this.

Ours moved when her husband got stationed in another state. We miss her so much! If you truly can't do anything about her personal situation (would more money help? more time off? more flexibility?) then ask her to help you interview new nannies.

[Anonymous]

I'm on my 4th nanny in 4.5 years of motherhood (for random reasons -- a cross country move, a young nanny who went on to a job in the medical field, and one nanny was horrible but that's a different story). Of my three good ones, I was absolutely crushed when the previous one left/we had to leave. I cried, they cried, etc. I thought we'd never top each of them.

And each one was truly better than the last. Our current nanny is an absolute dream and I wish we'd been with her since Day One. And I thought I couldn't do better than my old nannies!

My kids barely skipped a beat. Sure, they had to transition to a new nanny, which took a few days til they acted excited by her arrival rather than shy. But they barely notice that their old (beloved!) nannies are gone. They are 4.5 and 2.5 for reference.

Kids are SO resilient. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Out nanny left 4 years ago for a very good reason that was nothing to do with us, but to do with her husband's job. I was devastated as were the kids. My youngest was 6, so we didn't replace her. We all still talk and see each other when she comes back to visit her extended family that still lives here. The sting goes away and life moves on. She's such a wonderful woman and I'm happy she found a great job where she lives now, paying more than I can afford.

[Anonymous]

Same experience - life happens sometimes (unfortunately) and the reality is that she is not their mother.

We had our children visit her, call on the phone, FaceTime as often as possible. This helped our youngest a ton not to feel abandoned. Good luck, and your children will be ok

[Anonymous]

PP here, one more thing, like every parent, I loved it when my children bonded with their nanny, teacher, etc., so it was hard for me to accept when the nanny, teacher moved on. (During covid, 2 European teachers who seemed to love our children just upped and left and never looked back.) For me, it was like a bad college breakup where one party is not done being in love.

However, I've come to realize that, while they were wonderful and I appreciated ever second, they have their own lives to live that won't revolve my family. The only thing that is permanent is our love for our children. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Dude. Your reaction is whack, unless of course you handed over all parenting to her.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I appreciate the people who can understand how attached I might be to a great nanny. Like a college breakup is a good analogy and it’s been 15 years since I experienced anything like a breakup so it was a shock to the system. But my children never saw me upset and I’m fine now. When we told the kids we brought no emotion to it and treated it like a business transaction - it’s a job, people leave jobs all the time for lots of reasons.

The kids took it totally fine. My oldest was upset the night we told her and then had adjusted to the news. I don’t think the toddler will understand until she leaves. Here’s hoping we find an even better replacement!