DS just spent a half hour wandering the mall, making him late for tutoring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to LOSE IT. Dropped my 13-year-old and friends at the mall. Said I'd pick up my son early at 2:30 so he could make it to his tutoring session on time. He wasn't at the entrance as planned. Called his phone, texted, finally texted his friend, nothing. Was about to go into the mall and look for him when he came wandering out, head in the clouds, saying he got "lost" in the mall and didn't hear his phone. No he was not on anything. He literally has zero executive functioning skills and it did not dawn on him to CALL OR TEXT ME when he couldn't find me. He loses everything, is late all the time unless I hound him and I'm about to snap!

What a dumbass. Did you spank him? You should spank his ass. Make it blister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your sign not to have him do other activities a couple hours before tutoring OP.

+1 this is so obviously a parenting fail. How about not letting your 13 year old DS roam the mall unsupervised like a wild animal to begin with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 14 year old who gets lost easily and loses track of time. Use the "find my phone" function. It makes a loud beeping noise that's very difficult to miss, even if the phone's volume is muted. You can alert his phone this way or, his AirPods, if he has those. It's saved us some frustration.

+1

I do the same. Impossible to miss/ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like normal teenage behavior.

It sounds like ADHD or exec functioning issues that need to be addressed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your sign not to have him do other activities a couple hours before tutoring OP.

+1 this is so obviously a parenting fail. How about not letting your 13 year old DS roam the mall unsupervised like a wild animal to begin with?

Um.

[Anonymous]

The number of people who act like it's normal for an early teen to not be able to tell time and manage time and show up when they're supposed to show up somewhere is always astonishing to me.

This is not normal. He's 13 not 7. Your particular child is apparently not mature enough to go to the mall independently on a day when he has other commitments. Doing things like that is a privilege and not an entitlement.

Either get him help for his ADHD or executive functioning or whatever the issue is or make it not fun for him to blow you off. Funny how kids seem to manage to figure things out when it's something they want to be doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was hooking up in the parking lot stairwells. That’s where all the middle school kiddos go to get to 1st and 2nd base.

The accuracy of this post is so on point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds very annoying, and I would be in a bad mood, too. But I think this is telling: if he has a tutoring session, or something important he needs to attend, he might not be mature enough yet to be out with his friends beforehand.

You could discuss it now or before something else comes up. He could have a chance to prove to you that he knows how to be somewhere on time when it's important. If he can't do it, no shame, no blame--it just lets you know how to help him in the future.

FWIW, I suck at leaving a mall on time. And if I was with a group of friends who all had their own agendas and were loath to make a decision, and just wanted to be cool and didn't all care about time? Forget it. He may be spacy in general, but leaving the mall on time with friends is not typically an activity in which people shine.

This. I would not have a friend hangout until AFTER tutoring or a day he doesn't have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to LOSE IT. Dropped my 13-year-old and friends at the mall. Said I'd pick up my son early at 2:30 so he could make it to his tutoring session on time. He wasn't at the entrance as planned. Called his phone, texted, finally texted his friend, nothing. Was about to go into the mall and look for him when he came wandering out, head in the clouds, saying he got "lost" in the mall and didn't hear his phone. No he was not on anything. He literally has zero executive functioning skills and it did not dawn on him to CALL OR TEXT ME when he couldn't find me. He loses everything, is late all the time unless I hound him and I'm about to snap!

Why did you drop him off before the tutoring? You should have said after the tutoring, not before. Now you know!

This is the answer. Given what you state re executive function, you need to lean into parenting a bit more.

Going to the mall occurs after the tutoring session. You are the parent. Make these decisions.

(And yes, I have a kid with EF issues. He now sets the reminders on his phone throughout the day on upcoming important matters and things he just needs the visual reminder on. This works. Best of luck.)

[Anonymous]

One thing I notice in malls, my phone doesn’t work as well.

I’d file this whole thing under “Now you know, mom.” And don’t allow the mall outing before a scheduled event again. Work before play, perhaps.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my 13 year old

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP. It was a holiday, he had other commitments (as did we) for the rest of the day, so this was his two-hour window of friend time. Going to the mall afterward wouldn't have worked for us, otherwise we would have suggested it. And I'd feel terrible just making him sit at home because he had a commitment later that afternoon - something he already gets bummed by. I just wish he checked his phone. The alarm is a great idea and we'll do it next time.

To the person saying kids roam the malls like wild animals - uh, seriously?

[Anonymous]

Not normal or ok at all, but you know him better so not sure why you are that upset.
I would have thought my 9-year old got kidnapped if not where we agreed he'd be at certain time. He would not have forgot and at minimum, would have asked for more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not normal or ok at all, but you know him better so not sure why you are that upset.
I would have thought my 9-year old got kidnapped if not where we agreed he'd be at certain time. He would not have forgot and at minimum, would have asked for more time.

You let your 9-year-old wander around alone?

[Anonymous]

I have an almost 13yo and 14yo. This seems like normal 13yo behavior to me. It is not that big of a deal.

My kid has tutoring today at 3:30. His plans will end by 2. Even if it ends a little late, we will still have time to get there. My almost 13yo will be sure to complain the whole time there and back on why he has to go to tutoring on a snow day.