DS just spent a half hour wandering the mall, making him late for tutoring

[Anonymous]

I'm about to LOSE IT. Dropped my 13-year-old and friends at the mall. Said I'd pick up my son early at 2:30 so he could make it to his tutoring session on time. He wasn't at the entrance as planned. Called his phone, texted, finally texted his friend, nothing. Was about to go into the mall and look for him when he came wandering out, head in the clouds, saying he got "lost" in the mall and didn't hear his phone. No he was not on anything. He literally has zero executive functioning skills and it did not dawn on him to CALL OR TEXT ME when he couldn't find me. He loses everything, is late all the time unless I hound him and I'm about to snap!

[Anonymous]

If you know he is like this, then set multiple reminders on his phone. Tell him thirty minutes before the true tutor time to meet him at the front. Set consequences if he is not there within a grace period of five minutes. Parent him…

[Anonymous]

That sounds very annoying, and I would be in a bad mood, too. But I think this is telling: if he has a tutoring session, or something important he needs to attend, he might not be mature enough yet to be out with his friends beforehand.

You could discuss it now or before something else comes up. He could have a chance to prove to you that he knows how to be somewhere on time when it's important. If he can't do it, no shame, no blame--it just lets you know how to help him in the future.

FWIW, I suck at leaving a mall on time. And if I was with a group of friends who all had their own agendas and were loath to make a decision, and just wanted to be cool and didn't all care about time? Forget it. He may be spacy in general, but leaving the mall on time with friends is not typically an activity in which people shine.

[Anonymous]

Your level of rage over this seems over-the-top. A 13 year old hanging with friends at the mall and losing track of time seems pretty typical. I can understand being slightly annoyed but I wonder what it is that is driving your white-hot rage. The best gift we can give our kids is our own emotional self-regulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to LOSE IT. Dropped my 13-year-old and friends at the mall. Said I'd pick up my son early at 2:30 so he could make it to his tutoring session on time. He wasn't at the entrance as planned. Called his phone, texted, finally texted his friend, nothing. Was about to go into the mall and look for him when he came wandering out, head in the clouds, saying he got "lost" in the mall and didn't hear his phone. No he was not on anything. He literally has zero executive functioning skills and it did not dawn on him to CALL OR TEXT ME when he couldn't find me. He loses everything, is late all the time unless I hound him and I'm about to snap!

Why did you drop him off before the tutoring? You should have said after the tutoring, not before. Now you know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your level of rage over this seems over-the-top. A 13 year old hanging with friends at the mall and losing track of time seems pretty typical. I can understand being slightly annoyed but I wonder what it is that is driving your white-hot rage. The best gift we can give our kids is our own emotional self-regulation.

Posting here sometimes helps people vent not to their kids FYI

[Anonymous]

Sounds like normal teenage behavior.

[Anonymous]

Well, I'd let him know he can pay for this tutoring session, and in the future, he isn't allowed out of your sight before tutoring, since he can't manage to think to set an alarm on his phone or keep an eye on the time or ask a friend to do one of those or any of the other many things people do to keep track of their days. Maybe he'll learn.

[Anonymous]

This is your sign not to have him do other activities a couple hours before tutoring OP.

[Anonymous]

Was there an alarm set on his phone? If not, now you know to do that and to make sure the volume is at 100% before you let him out of the car.

How long did you have to wait? Did he miss the session or was he just a little bit late?

I know it gets frustrating, but it's normal behavior. It just sucks being on the parenting end of it sometimes! I hope you'v had some time to cool off!

[Anonymous]

I have a 14 year old who gets lost easily and loses track of time. Use the "find my phone" function. It makes a loud beeping noise that's very difficult to miss, even if the phone's volume is muted. You can alert his phone this way or, his AirPods, if he has those. It's saved us some frustration.

[Anonymous]

He was hooking up in the parking lot stairwells. That’s where all the middle school kiddos go to get to 1st and 2nd base.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to LOSE IT. Dropped my 13-year-old and friends at the mall. Said I'd pick up my son early at 2:30 so he could make it to his tutoring session on time. He wasn't at the entrance as planned. Called his phone, texted, finally texted his friend, nothing. Was about to go into the mall and look for him when he came wandering out, head in the clouds, saying he got "lost" in the mall and didn't hear his phone. No he was not on anything. He literally has zero executive functioning skills and it did not dawn on him to CALL OR TEXT ME when he couldn't find me. He loses everything, is late all the time unless I hound him and I'm about to snap!

Sounds like a 13 year old. Is typical not errant or deviant behavior. Does he have adhd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was hooking up in the parking lot stairwells. That’s where all the middle school kiddos go to get to 1st and 2nd base.

You are just a childish dud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He literally has zero executive functioning skills and it did not dawn on him to CALL OR TEXT ME when he couldn't find me. He loses everything, is late all the time unless I hound him and I'm about to snap!

I get how frustrating this was for you. My only advice is, to set him up for success. Based on what you said in the OP, you knew that he would most likely fail.