Would you marry someone with OCD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Under control with medication and therapy but still bothersome. For example obsessive cleaning, ritualistic behavior, apprehension, canceling programs at last minute, etc.

No other red flags, helpful, kind, ambitious, hard working. However, can get worse with future personal and professional responsibilities.

Honestly that doesn’t sound like it is very well controlled.

[Anonymous]

This doesn’t sound “under control” at all. My sister married someone with controlled OCD and it basically shows itself as him being a workaholic. They have done a lot of therapy to keep him engaged in home life. But he makes boatloads of money.

Their kid now has OCD and GAD and ended up on Prozac at age 11. He is doing much better now.

Personally, I would not sign up for this given what you describe does NOT sound under control at all. And having kids will likely only exacerbate the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Everyone loves them and they are professional ly very successful as well. Their sister and grandmother also has OCD so it is hereditary but both have long term successful marriages.

[Anonymous]

*have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Under control with medication and therapy but still bothersome. For example obsessive cleaning, ritualistic behavior, apprehension, canceling programs at last minute, etc.

No other red flags, helpful, kind, ambitious, hard working. However, can get worse with future personal and professional responsibilities.

Honestly that doesn’t sound like it is very well controlled.

If this is "under control" I'd move on, OP. It's really important to evaluate red flags before becoming too attached.

This is not a life partner you would be able to rely on. In the event you suffer a crisis, their OCD is likely to flare tremendously. Being married to someone with mental illness that impacts life as much as above if "controlled" is not wise. You may think you are independent and can "make do" but none of us know what life will hold.

Why would you want to sign up for a potentially quite lonely marriage and quasi-caretaker role rather than a true partner? I'd do some work on yourself with a therapist to find that answer, while not dating. I found CODA helpful in understanding why I made that choice myself. Now divorced (not OCD, ADHD and GAD) and I don't feel weighted down by trying fruitlessly to manage life with someone mentally ill and living with the unpredictability of knowing how he would be able to cope or function on any given day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone loves them and they are professional ly very successful as well. Their sister and grandmother also has OCD so it is hereditary but both have long term successful marriages.

sounds like your mind is made up, why post here?

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the point of this post

You want people to validate you ?

Convince you?

[Anonymous]

How are readers supposed to know your behavior your tendencies and tolerances ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No! My mom had severe OCD. If it is just perfectionistic tendencies that is different. Many people say things are “OCD” when they are not. Diagnosed OCD? No. A bit of a neat freak and perfectionist, that is different. If someone can hold a job and have a career, that does not rise to true OCD for me. True OCD is debilitating and prevents people from living a normal life.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Under control with medication and therapy but still bothersome. For example obsessive cleaning, ritualistic behavior, apprehension, canceling programs at last minute, etc.

No other red flags, helpful, kind, ambitious, hard working. However, can get worse with future personal and professional responsibilities.

It really depends on the particular coping behaviors and degrees to which they are maladaptive and impact others.

For everyone who obsessively cleans, there’s probably a potential partner who would love that. However, it might be unpleasant if the cleaning partner can’t ever relax. And it would very difficult if the cleaning partner tried to control the other members of the household.

My DD with OCD is an obsessive cleaner, but mellowed a lot with treatment. We don’t feel tense visiting her, but do try to avoid being unnecessarily messy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone loves them and they are professional ly very successful as well. Their sister and grandmother also has OCD so it is hereditary but both have long term successful marriages.

And how would you or anyone know or confirm this? Masking is real. OCD plus ASD/ADHD comorbidities are real. Being ON at work and a hot mess at home is real. Dumping on your safe, not going anywhere, loved ones, is real.

[Anonymous]

Not if I wanted kids.

I would also have to be willing to lose that person if it got too much for me to handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Under control with medication and therapy but still bothersome. For example obsessive cleaning, ritualistic behavior, apprehension, canceling programs at last minute, etc.

No other red flags, helpful, kind, ambitious, hard working. However, can get worse with future personal and professional responsibilities.

Can you catch anyone better?

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like everything, it depends. If you’re considering it, have an open conversation. Maybe even ask if you can do a few couples counseling sessions with their therapist to talk through apprehension.

+1

Nobody can tell you what is best for you. When I was deciding whether or not I wanted to marry my husband, I thought of his negative traits and imagined them amplified tenfold. I imagined living with him like that, and decided that even if that happened, I could still love him and not regret marrying him. I've been married 16 years and things are good; ups and downs but nothing major. It's always best to assume that things will get worse and not better when you get married and make decisions based on that instead of the good times.