Do I have to throw a party for my mother’s milestone birthday?

[Anonymous]

I'm the same boat right now and am pissed.

[Anonymous]

Hell no. If she wants a party she should throw one, you’re not an event planner - unless you are in which case she can pay your fee.

[Anonymous]

This is a tricky one. I would probably suck it up and throw her a party, but like a pp suggested, do a nice brunch with mimosas. You’ll be the bigger person and your mom will be happy. It’s just part of a day, and hopefully you can find a location that will make it not a ton of work on your part. Can one of her many friends help you?

[Anonymous]

Getting to 70 is a big milestone. Unless she’s actively mean to you, abusive or that level, I would do something simple. If can even be, “mom I’d like to take you and 10 family members/friends out to brunch to celebrate your 70th.”

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP, how many times when you were a kid did this woman who raised you go out of her way to drive you someplace she did not want to go? Was she kind and loving? Did she give you money for college? Does she see her grandchildren?

You certainly have no obligation to throw her a 70th birthday party but it sounds like this really matters to her. You are showing your kids how to treat you when you are older.

I would be heartbroken at 70 if my children did not seem to care about me.

[Anonymous]

Some of these posters are unkind. it appears they take the “boundaries” discourse too far.

[Anonymous]

I’d offer to help her plan something, so she has to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

At this age you need to celebrate, she might not see 71.

[Anonymous]

You don't HAVE to but it would be an act of kindness.

When I turned 50 without family or friends nearby, DH was taking me to a great dinner stay at the Inn at Little Washington, but still...I wanted a cake!

Much to my surprise, the HR person at our small company knew it was my 50th and brought cake, napkins, candles. I cried. It was so nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but she might kick you out of her will. You’re her only child so you should just suck it up and make it happen. Does she still have a husband? If yes get him involved.

If she's using financial leverage to try and make you love her, you're better off out of the will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP, how many times when you were a kid did this woman who raised you go out of her way to drive you someplace she did not want to go? Was she kind and loving? Did she give you money for college? Does she see her grandchildren?

You certainly have no obligation to throw her a 70th birthday party but it sounds like this really matters to her. You are showing your kids how to treat you when you are older.

I would be heartbroken at 70 if my children did not seem to care about me.

A more valuable lesson would be to teach your children you shouldn't encourage an abusive parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the same boat right now and am pissed.

It’s a tough one. My sibling and I were in a similar situation for a 50th wedding anniversary and a party was expected. We ended up taking them out to dinner with us and the grandkids. We knew if we tried anything bigger with their friends or extended family it would go badly. No matter how much input we got, it would be wrong and we would forget something or insult someone and get yelled at later. A small, nice family dinner is a good comprise for these types of things.

[Anonymous]

Of course you don’t have to throw her a party. If she wants a party she is welcome to plan it herself.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to throw a party for someone you aren’t close to!

Throwing her a party will do nothing to improve your relationship or make her a nicer more caring mother that you could be close with either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is turning 70 and is one of those people who makes a HUGE deal for every random birthday, so amplify this. We aren’t super close. I don’t particularly like any of her friends and I think they use her, but that’s a different story for another time. Suffice it to say she’s emotionally needy and likes them “needing” her.

She keeps reminding me of the parties my cousins have thrown for my aunt, or the ones her friend’s kids have thrown for her. I’m an only child. I have no problem taking her out for a really nice dinner someplace. I have zero desire to, by myself, host all of her friends for a big to-do. Am I OK to sit this one out?

Yes. Your job is to take care of her real needs, not wants and whims. Give her a nice gift and take her out, if budget allows, take her on a trip for a couple of days.