Do I have to throw a party for my mother’s milestone birthday?
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Anonymous
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My mother is turning 70 and is one of those people who makes a HUGE deal for every random birthday, so amplify this. We aren’t super close. I don’t particularly like any of her friends and I think they use her, but that’s a different story for another time. Suffice it to say she’s emotionally needy and likes them “needing” her.
She keeps reminding me of the parties my cousins have thrown for my aunt, or the ones her friend’s kids have thrown for her. I’m an only child. I have no problem taking her out for a really nice dinner someplace. I have zero desire to, by myself, host all of her friends for a big to-do. Am I OK to sit this one out? |
Anonymous
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No. That would really hurt her feelings if this is the type of thing she likes.
It doesn’t have to be a lot of work. If you have the means, rent a side room at a restaurant for her and her friends/family. Make it a brunch for even more cost savings. |
Anonymous
I disagree. I like a lot of things, but I don’t expect people to provide them to me. I give you permission to have a seat, OP. |
Anonymous
This. We did a brunch for a family members big birthday and had a private patio (early summer) and even had unlimited make your own mimosas too. The food was excellent, it was early so no one was getting trashed and the menu was good but you didn’t have people ordering expensive steaks or whatnot. I also had it booked for 2.5 hours but they let us stay for 3. People have stuff in the day so people don’t hang around. It also wasn’t that expensive as we had a minimum spend (that was not that much imo) and didn’t go over that. If you can’t spend that or don’t want to you could always have appetizers and a signature drink at your place. Say it on the invite. Some people might stay too long so have something else planned so people leave. Can get appetizers at Trader Joe’s, cheese at Costco, cheap wine or champagne. Something really simple. We did this for my MIL when she retired and people seemed to like it. If you do it I don’t think you need to do it again at 75 or 80 though. I think it would be a nice thing to do if your mom wants it. Someone like me wouldn’t want a surprise party, I rather have a night in or a mini trip or something to celebrate. |
Anonymous
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What part do you hate, OP? The money? Planning the event? Attending such an event at all? Dealing with her friends?
If it's more the planning and not the money, do you have a cousin who enjoys throwing parties that you can consult? Can you deputize one of moms friends who isn't as annoying to wrangle up the contact information for the rest and be the contact person? |
Anonymous
| Honestly I’d just do it if it’s that meaningful to her. Do you HAVE to? No. |
Anonymous
| New poster. My mom kept asking for a party as well. She wants it in a city neither of us live in, a long plane ride for both of us. I cannot plan a big party. I’m terrible at throwing kids’ birthday parties. She wants live entertainment (mariachi) and an outdoor venue. I think she finally roped another relative into planning the party. |
Anonymous
| What about having a party just for family so you don’t have to include the friends? Just be honest with her about what you will do. Don’t leave her thinking you are throwing her a party if you aren’t. |
Anonymous
| Nope |
Anonymous
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I think this is one of the few times where someone needs to throw her a party. She might only need the one, if she doesn't survive until her 80th birthday, so this won't be a regular thing. You don't mention if she has a significant other, so if there's no one but you... it's on you. Congratulations. |
Anonymous
| Of course you can avoid doing this! I believe we should only give when we're genuinely happy to. Why don't her friends throw her a party? You are under no obligation. |
Anonymous
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You have no obligation to do this. But if you don't -and again, I think it's fine- just tell her so she knows.
"Mom, I know it's a big birthday and I'd love to take you for a nice dinner to celebrate [or insert whatever you're willing to do]. I am not going to be able to throw a party like Larla did for Aunt Susie. So I just want to make sure you understand that and aren't surprised when that doesn't happen." |
Anonymous
| No, but she might kick you out of her will. You’re her only child so you should just suck it up and make it happen. Does she still have a husband? If yes get him involved. |
Anonymous
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We did one for my mother's 80th. Just champagne (and non alcoholic drinks), light appetizers and cake for about 25-30 people at our house. It was late afternoon on a Saturday so low expectations that people would be eating a meal so required very limited effort. However we entertain pretty regularly so have plenty of glasses, plates, serving items, etc. We bought the cakes and some of the apps and the rest were very simple. It was a big success.
You don't have to but I have to say I am glad I did it (and I was similarly skeptical). |
Anonymous
| Even though you and she don't like each other she's still hinting strongly about a party? Shut that down. |