advice for talking to parents about downsizing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not nearly enough information, OP. But generally, I treated my parents like they adults they were. How they live their lives is up to them. Why do you need to give them unsolicited advice. There are a million threads here arguing the different sides about how to treat elderly parents. Most people land on the side of treating them like children. Please read Atul Gawande's Being Mortal and see if that helps you reframe your thinking.

+1 I can’t imagine being so presumptuous

In my case, my parents actually have made it clear that they expect all of their stuff to be my problem.

OP here and yes my parents said the same. They like "seeing" their stuff now and if they die/get hurt, then we can just dump it all at salvation army.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not nearly enough information, OP. But generally, I treated my parents like they adults they were. How they live their lives is up to them. Why do you need to give them unsolicited advice. There are a million threads here arguing the different sides about how to treat elderly parents. Most people land on the side of treating them like children. Please read Atul Gawande's Being Mortal and see if that helps you reframe your thinking.

+1 I can’t imagine being so presumptuous

In my case, my parents actually have made it clear that they expect all of their stuff to be my problem.

Tell them it's all going to the landfill then.

It's still days/weeks worth of work to pack up a 4 bedroom, 3 story house FULL of stuff...and if we outsourced the job, we'd be out thousands of dollars.

[Anonymous]

If your mom is a hoarder turning prepper - you are going to have a huge battle if you choose to engage. That will be messy.

Your poor dad - he probably wants out NOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all.

I specifically left this vague. Info is probably the same as most...parents in their 70s, good health, but live in a Ryan home development with no first floor master. My mom is also a borderline hoarder and now she's becoming a prepper. God help me.

My dad is ready to downsize for SURE...longs for the simple life and one story living.
My mom will need psych help to move, since she said "I like looking at all of my stuff".

I would focus on empowering your dad to create some strict boundaries on your mom's hoarding/prepping.

Things like - the floors and stairs must be free from any clutter because it is a tripping hazard. The kitchen, living room and dining rooms and one bathroom must be completely normal. If she hoards in the bedroom, he needs a safe bedroom for himself, and a clear path to his bedroom.

Hoarding and excessive clutter make it hard to keep up with household repairs and will put their finances in jeopardy. He needs to draw a firm line and stand up for himself early on - you say she is "borderline" - don't let it get worse, for your dad's sake.

[Anonymous]

Finally with Dad at 96 and his wife at 93, my 68 yo brother sees that this situation — them living independently — isn’t working.

This is complicated by two family businesses which they really can’t run, won’t relinquish control, and hire people under the table.

I’ve tried to have sensible conversations for 20 years. I’m more or less stepping away as my own DH has a serious illness and I can’t be responsible for the elders.

It is amusing that the POA, trusts, and wills name the sons as the responsible parties. This daughter is ready to shrug and smile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not nearly enough information, OP. But generally, I treated my parents like they adults they were. How they live their lives is up to them. Why do you need to give them unsolicited advice. There are a million threads here arguing the different sides about how to treat elderly parents. Most people land on the side of treating them like children. Please read Atul Gawande's Being Mortal and see if that helps you reframe your thinking.

+1 I can’t imagine being so presumptuous

In my case, my parents actually have made it clear that they expect all of their stuff to be my problem.

Tell them it's all going to the landfill then.

It's still days/weeks worth of work to pack up a 4 bedroom, 3 story house FULL of stuff...and if we outsourced the job, we'd be out thousands of dollars.

Which you will get back when the house sells? Or, guess what? You can do nothing. Abandon the house. Let it forclose with all the stuff in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not nearly enough information, OP. But generally, I treated my parents like they adults they were. How they live their lives is up to them. Why do you need to give them unsolicited advice. There are a million threads here arguing the different sides about how to treat elderly parents. Most people land on the side of treating them like children. Please read Atul Gawande's Being Mortal and see if that helps you reframe your thinking.

+1 I can’t imagine being so presumptuous

In my case, my parents actually have made it clear that they expect all of their stuff to be my problem.

Tell them it's all going to the landfill then.

Yes absolutely be a jerk and hurt their feelings now instead of just doing what you need to do when they’re gone and won’t even know 🙄

[Anonymous]

We sold to a developer and he said anything we didn't want, we could leave and he would dispose of it. So we did. Highly recommend this option if your parent lives a older home in a desirable area.