Dad using people to care for kid

[Anonymous]

Some of you need to stop fighting over the children. They belong to both parents. It is none of your business who he picks to watch your child when he has him.
There is zero reason to think the person wants bad for the child. You seem the scary person though.
My ex has plenty of sketchy people around him. I may not like them. They might not like me. None of them want to harm the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I meant “using” as in manipulating her bc he cannot go two days without external validation and also refuses to do the job himself. He has a light schedule and could easily care for the kid himself this week but despite his constant protestations that he wants more time, when faced with it, he panics and calls the cavalry.

You really need to butt out of his life.

The kid is safe and being cared for. That’s all you need to know.

He did you a favor. You don’t get to have an opinion about how he did it, much less criticize his methods and decisions.

[Anonymous]

It’s not fair but if you don’t like the way your parenting partner parents - the only thing you can do is do it yourself, in a way you think is better.
I made peace with it a while ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you need to stop fighting over the children. They belong to both parents. It is none of your business who he picks to watch your child when he has him.
There is zero reason to think the person wants bad for the child. You seem the scary person though.
My ex has plenty of sketchy people around him. I may not like them. They might not like me. None of them want to harm the child.

This is weird. I never said she wanted to harm the child.

[Anonymous]

First of all- he is not doing OP a favor, just as she’s not doing him a favor when the kid is with her. He’s a parent.

Second, OP needs to let go of this situation. It’s about the child being safe and cared for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not fair but if you don’t like the way your parenting partner parents - the only thing you can do is do it yourself, in a way you think is better.
I made peace with it a while ago.

This. It sucks when the other parent is a bad parent and doesn't spend time with the kids or make the effort when he could. I bit my tongue about it after the divorce (which I asked for), and did as PP says, just did the parenting myself. It cost me dearly in terms of finances and my own career but I felt lime my kids needed to have one parent they could rely on. I never said anything to the kids, but by MS/HS/college they could see he was neglectful of them and it was painful to them. He reaped what he sowed in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all- he is not doing OP a favor, just as she’s not doing him a favor when the kid is with her. He’s a parent.

Second, OP needs to let go of this situation. It’s about the child being safe and cared for.

If its not his visitation or parenting time, he is doing her a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you need to stop fighting over the children. They belong to both parents. It is none of your business who he picks to watch your child when he has him.
There is zero reason to think the person wants bad for the child. You seem the scary person though.
My ex has plenty of sketchy people around him. I may not like them. They might not like me. None of them want to harm the child.

This is weird. I never said she wanted to harm the child.

So, if she's helping him out while he's working or something else came up, what is the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I meant “using” as in manipulating her bc he cannot go two days without external validation and also refuses to do the job himself. He has a light schedule and could easily care for the kid himself this week but despite his constant protestations that he wants more time, when faced with it, he panics and calls the cavalry.

Okay, so he’s not Mr. Superdad. And maybe he was a crappy husband. You don’t have to be married to him and get to move on. Sitting in judgment of how he handles an unexpected change in schedule with his kid isn’t a good look on your nor a productive use of your energy. Instead of calling him a “pathetic loser,” try being happy that your kid gets to spend some time with her other parent and hopefully build a better connection.

If he made the last minute request work, he's clearly a decent dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you need to stop fighting over the children. They belong to both parents. It is none of your business who he picks to watch your child when he has him.
There is zero reason to think the person wants bad for the child. You seem the scary person though.
My ex has plenty of sketchy people around him. I may not like them. They might not like me. None of them want to harm the child.

This is weird. I never said she wanted to harm the child.

You owe her a thank you for stepping in at the last minute when you couldn't or wouldn't care for your kids. Next time take the kids with you or hire a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not fair but if you don’t like the way your parenting partner parents - the only thing you can do is do it yourself, in a way you think is better.
I made peace with it a while ago.

This. It sucks when the other parent is a bad parent and doesn't spend time with the kids or make the effort when he could. I bit my tongue about it after the divorce (which I asked for), and did as PP says, just did the parenting myself. It cost me dearly in terms of finances and my own career but I felt lime my kids needed to have one parent they could rely on. I never said anything to the kids, but by MS/HS/college they could see he was neglectful of them and it was painful to them. He reaped what he sowed in the end.

What are you rambling about. This is your situation not op. Dad is clearly involved. Mom had something else she wanted to do and did not want to take the kids so she dumped them on him last minute. She expected him to drop everything which isn’t reasonable especially if it is work. He arranged child care. Mom does not like the child care he arranged even though the kids are safe and fine. Mom should have taken the kids with her. She is the problem. She did a dump job and is complaining instead of saying thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you need to stop fighting over the children. They belong to both parents. It is none of your business who he picks to watch your child when he has him.
There is zero reason to think the person wants bad for the child. You seem the scary person though.
My ex has plenty of sketchy people around him. I may not like them. They might not like me. None of them want to harm the child.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I meant “using” as in manipulating her bc he cannot go two days without external validation and also refuses to do the job himself. He has a light schedule and could easily care for the kid himself this week but despite his constant protestations that he wants more time, when faced with it, he panics and calls the cavalry.

You really need to butt out of his life.

The kid is safe and being cared for. That’s all you need to know.

He did you a favor. You don’t get to have an opinion about how he did it, much less criticize his methods and decisions.

Op, you need to mature and move on. Some of this actually sounds like jealousy. It's unfortunate that your co parent doesn't parent the way you prefer. Choose your partners wisely next time.

From what you wrote it sounds like he is doing you a favor and you insist on dictating the when, where and how. Next time, you need a favor sign your kid up for camp like you seem to prefer.

[Anonymous]

When my daughter's father did that, I actually felt more relieved. He is a little loco so another woman there (esp one with kids) was better bc she knew how to make her feel comfortable, be mindful that she eats properly, play etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parent is ill and I had to leave my kid with their dad for a few days. He called a “platonic friend” that he used to date to come stay with him and look after the kid. I could have found kid a camp to stay in. Such a pathetic loser.

1. Someone does you a favor, and you are quibbling with the manner in which he does it? As long as your kid is safe and cared for, then none of your business.

2. Where precisely are these camps that you can send your kid to in between Christmas and New Years?