Why don’t men move for others?

[Anonymous]

The answer is male audacity.

[Anonymous]

People raised in progressive/left leaning cultures generally do not become indoctrinated in sex-based etiquette. If you like chivalry, then say you like it, and work toward that culture. But if you don't like being treated differently based on your gender, even as a matter of etiquette, then get used to making way for bigger mammals.

The OP and many subsequent posts made this about gender. It's not like people complained about larger, more rotund people of all genders dominating spaces. It was about men. Can you blame them? Watch the kids line up for the school bus in a DC area town. You'll notice boys and girls lining up and getting on the bus accordingly to how quickly they sped to the front. This is what kids learn, and they grow up not seeing the issue. Meanwhile in many parts of the US, if a schoolboy attempts to board the bus before all the females board, they are sent to the back of the line. What culture do you want? And are you really doing the things that would lead to that culture, or are you scoffing when people teach boys to be deferential to girls because that's "sexist"?

[Anonymous]

I'm female and walk a lot. It's not men who are the issue, it's other women who walk in groups, chatting, who refuse to move or refuse to acknowledge anyone else's presence. I get pushed onto the street more often than not. Lately I've been holding my position playing a game of chicken with the oncoming group of streethog chatterboxes and I end up with bruised shoulders and dirty stares.

[Anonymous]

The PP who tried the social experiment is correct - most males are just not accustomed to having to make way. It's like man-spreading in public. They aren't overtly trying to be rude, they are just unwitting and since no one is challenging them, haven't modified the behavior.

Every now and then I'll do the same as pp and just knock the hell out of a few shoulders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's less chance the woman will stab you, scream in your face, etc.

Clearly you’ve never met my ex wife or at least half a dozen of my past girlfriends.

To be fair, I admit to doing things that made them insanely mad at me to the point of being stabbed by two different women - one with a fork the other with a pencil. I had it coming, TBH. But there is a little bit of that in every woman. And I seem to gravitate towards them, my current wife being no exception.


But if this is occurring at a social setting like a party or other event, you’d be amazed how effective a simple pat on the shoulder followed by “hey I gotta squeeze past you” can be in getting folks to move.

So much easier to do this than spend the evening stewing over it. Try it next time.

I see that in addition to your misogyny you cannot read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read this article and since I was about to move out of ny anyway, I decided to give it a try in my last 2 weeks in the city. For context,
I’m in my mid 40’s, 5’4”, Asian, 120 lbs.

https://www.thecut.com/2015/01/manslamming-manspreading-microaggressions.html

I didn’t keep a running count like the author of the article. I yielded to men with kids (not very many of those), old men who looked 65+, men who looked mentally ill or scary, anyone who looked disabled, or if I was walking near the edge of the train platform and feared getting knocked in.

I lived downtown, so mostly I was running into men in suits. And I ran into a lot of them. At least 4-5 a day. Many times it would be going up or down the stairs to the train. They simply did not yield, even if there was plenty of room to do so. They would apologize about 15% of the time. I never apologized. You have to have strong shoulders to walk like a man. I ran into women as well, but far far less often.

I don’t understand the scenario where you collide with them? Are they looking at their phone? Looking some other direction? Not paying attention? Because the way you’re describing it, it sounds like making eye contact with you and playing chicken. And frankly that seems a little hard to believe?

What is the typical scenario with one of these collisions?

DP. She was just doing what they were doing - maintaining her path.

But I think we would have to do a more controlled experiment to gain true knowledge. My guess is that men in fact give way to each other. They don’t give way to women and children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The PP who tried the social experiment is correct - most males are just not accustomed to having to make way. It's like man-spreading in public. They aren't overtly trying to be rude, they are just unwitting and since no one is challenging them, haven't modified the behavior.

Every now and then I'll do the same as pp and just knock the hell out of a few shoulders.

It's almost like manners that we dismissed as sexist had some practical impact.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Some interesting reading here. I decided to run an experiment today in my neighborhood shopping center, crowded with returns. I held my path and did not yield. I’m average height for female but put y hands in my coat pockets so that my elbows were slightly out.

You can guess what happened. Three males and one female also did not make way, or more accurately, veered into my right-side lane, and met my elbows. I just kept moving.

Liberating!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And why don’t people expect them to? In a crowded room, there is a really tall man who is clearly obviously holding up traffic. I am smack up against a wall already. Why do people expect me to move from my spot when the clueless unaware man could easily move 6” to accommodate traffic?

Why does the woman have to move? If I just hold my ground, I feel totally within the bounds of polite behavior.

Should I just tell them, hey I believe that guy is actually in your way. I have only a wall behind me.

In my experience obese women are much worse, especially those of a particular skin color.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm female and walk a lot. It's not men who are the issue, it's other women who walk in groups, chatting, who refuse to move or refuse to acknowledge anyone else's presence. I get pushed onto the street more often than not. Lately I've been holding my position playing a game of chicken with the oncoming group of streethog chatterboxes and I end up with bruised shoulders and dirty stares.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should stop being a whiny passive aggressive snot and simply say 'excuse me'.

[Anonymous]

Why is this about men. Women also don't move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read this article and since I was about to move out of ny anyway, I decided to give it a try in my last 2 weeks in the city. For context,
I’m in my mid 40’s, 5’4”, Asian, 120 lbs.

https://www.thecut.com/2015/01/manslamming-manspreading-microaggressions.html

I didn’t keep a running count like the author of the article. I yielded to men with kids (not very many of those), old men who looked 65+, men who looked mentally ill or scary, anyone who looked disabled, or if I was walking near the edge of the train platform and feared getting knocked in.

I lived downtown, so mostly I was running into men in suits. And I ran into a lot of them. At least 4-5 a day. Many times it would be going up or down the stairs to the train. They simply did not yield, even if there was plenty of room to do so. They would apologize about 15% of the time. I never apologized. You have to have strong shoulders to walk like a man. I ran into women as well, but far far less often.

I don’t understand the scenario where you collide with them? Are they looking at their phone? Looking some other direction? Not paying attention? Because the way you’re describing it, it sounds like making eye contact with you and playing chicken. And frankly that seems a little hard to believe?

What is the typical scenario with one of these collisions?

Typically, I’m walking down the right side of the stairs to the train. The stairs are crowded with people going up and down. There are roughly 2 lanes of people going down on the right and 2 lanes of people going up on the left (from my perspective), but people are darting around slower people. A man is coming up the stairs and is going around a slower person on my left. We are headed straight for each other. I could either stand sideways to let him by, or he could either wait to go around a person or stand sideways. He expects me to yield and I don’t. My shoulder collides with his.

Another typical situation - I’m walking down a sidewalk, the buildings are to my right. A group of men walk by and occupy the width of the sidewalk. I could turn sideways against the building to let them pass, or one of the men could drop behind the others to not occupy the whole sidewalk. None of them do that. I don’t turn my shoulders. My shoulder collides with the nearest man in his chest. They aren’t on phones, they are just walking and talking.

I mean, it’s like when you walk into a flock of pigeons, you expect them to scatter. Men are accustomed to the same thing, so most of the time they aren’t even thinking of not yielding. Walk in the city as a woman and count how many times you cheat your shoulders or back off compared to a man. It’s enlightening.

I've definitely experienced this.

Do people not know that walking is like driving... stay to the right, only move into the left lane if passing. If walking side by side, the person in the left hand lane needs to yield to oncoming traffic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you should stop being a whiny passive aggressive snot and simply say 'excuse me'.

You’re missing the point. OP is talking about situations where she is just seeking to maintain her personal space. She isn’t trying to get around anyone. People are expecting her to shift around (or maybe just move through the wall she is backed up against!). She is talking about other people who should be asking THE MAN HOGGING THE AISLE to move.

They should say excuse me and direct it at the manspreader. Why does she have to take care of directing traffic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The PP who tried the social experiment is correct - most males are just not accustomed to having to make way. It's like man-spreading in public. They aren't overtly trying to be rude, they are just unwitting and since no one is challenging them, haven't modified the behavior.

Every now and then I'll do the same as pp and just knock the hell out of a few shoulders.

I shoulder check men who are needlessly encroaching on my half of the sidewalk all the time. I also like to square up and barrel forcefully toward them if they are in my half. I don't veer to the right or turn my shoulders. If they don't change course to avoid me, I crash into them hard and continue on.