13 year old attitude breaking me!

[Anonymous]

You teen doesn't have to want to hang out that's totally fine. However she doesn't get to be rude an unpleasant. That's what I'd focus on. If you don't want her sleeping somewhere else every night that's fine too. She doesn't have to like your rules but she needs to be respectful that's just how life works.
Door slamming is a hard no in my home. My son did it once and came home to find no door. After two weeks of no door he came to his senses.

[Anonymous]

Sadly it’s pretty normal for many girls 13-17. They give you a hug going to bed and then at 6:30am you are the devil. It’s the rudeness and verbal abuse that can’t be tolerated. I let my teen DD do that to me and finally my husband heard it one day and he took her aside and asked her what would happen to her if she spoke to him that way. She said that he’d kill her and then he said if you ever speak that way to your mother again that’s what will happen. That put a stop to it. I was guilty of tolerating it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP were you never a 13 YO middle school girl?

I don't understand why people say this, not all teens are like this. I'd insist on some family time, but of course she wants to see her friends. Kids are so busy and overscheduled these days, they probably don't have enough time to just have any free time.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's normal. Why is she in 7th grade? Shouldn't she be in 8th?

[Anonymous]

With you, OP. Mine is the exact same way. We're actually out of town visiting family now and I'm still getting attitude. Not as bad as when we're at home, but it's there nonetheless. I dread coming back home bc I hear her on Facetime planning mall dates, etc and I know she's going to try and cram five sleepovers in before she has to go back to school. That's not happening.

[Anonymous]

Boarding school time.
Northern Scotland

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my DDs slammed her door once and I opened it and told her if she slammed it again, it'd be taken off the hinges for a month. Never happened again.

When they yell, I tell them to go to their room and stay there until they can speak without yelling, and I don't allow phone/internet while they're in there. Funny how their attitude changes real fast. I overlook eye rolling and mumbling under their breath.

I would tell her acting like a brat will not get her sleepovers and each time she's snarky that's two days of being grounded. No phone, no friends.

Thanks to my sister the door to our room was removed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's normal. Why is she in 7th grade? Shouldn't she be in 8th?

She turned 13 last month. Normal for 7th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is so sparkly and unpleasant lately. She is always rolling her eyes and snotty when replying or engaging with my DH and me. She’s just not silly/goofy happy to hang out with us anymore. Is this normal? Grades at school are good and she is applying herself in those areas and with her team sport and music lessons.

She wants to spend all of her time with her friends and sleep over every other night since it is Christmas break and I am insisting on some family time. She slams her door, yells, rolls her eyes, etc. this has been going on for a few months and maybe it’s the adjustment to middle school, she is in seventh grade but I’m just exasperated and not sure what limits to set. I do allow her to hang out with her friends but I am to the point where I’m not going to allow it every day or allow her sleeping over more than once or twice this break. Am I being unreasonable or is this normal? I want my sweet kid back!

You won't like this answer, but it gets better once they leave for college. There they realize they actually had it pretty good at home. It's a long ride until that point, my only suggestion is to find a way to take care of yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's normal. Why is she in 7th grade? Shouldn't she be in 8th?

The Va cut off is Sept 30. Anyone with a Oct, Nov or Dec birthday is 13. My kid and many friends are 13 yo 7th graders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal for teens to rebel, but does anyone else in the house slam doors or not manage their anger well?

No. We can be passionate types but not slamming doors or yelling.

Uh oh. My friend used to say she was “passionate,” and that meant quick to anger.

What would your 13 yo write about you in a message board? I’d take a long and hard look at yourself and see what you contribute to this dynamic.

My kids don’t have this issue, and I think a lot of parents think their teens are unreasonable and never review their own behavior.

[Anonymous]

DP
I know this is normal and it sounds like we are parenting the same kid. We are on family vacation and she’s on her phone with her friends constantly. She doesn’t want to do the family activities, only wants to go to the restaurants she wants, and is complaining about everything. She is so disrespectful and has a constant furrowed eyebrow at everything we are doing, like a permanent scowl on her face. We went for an evening at a live show the other night and she was literally texting her friends in the theater - it was during intermission, but that was the final straw for me. I took the phone. She cried. I whispered to her that she doesn’t deserve the treats and privileges we’ve given her - I had just bought her snacks and a souvenir at the show. I told her she had been so disrespectful to her father and me and until she can behave in a kind manner to everyone, nothing will come her way - not even a restaurant choice. I’m still mad at her and I might just keep her phone until the New Year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP
I know this is normal and it sounds like we are parenting the same kid. We are on family vacation and she’s on her phone with her friends constantly. She doesn’t want to do the family activities, only wants to go to the restaurants she wants, and is complaining about everything. She is so disrespectful and has a constant furrowed eyebrow at everything we are doing, like a permanent scowl on her face. We went for an evening at a live show the other night and she was literally texting her friends in the theater - it was during intermission, but that was the final straw for me. I took the phone. She cried. I whispered to her that she doesn’t deserve the treats and privileges we’ve given her - I had just bought her snacks and a souvenir at the show. I told her she had been so disrespectful to her father and me and until she can behave in a kind manner to everyone, nothing will come her way - not even a restaurant choice. I’m still mad at her and I might just keep her phone until the New Year.

This is why you leave her at home for the family activities! She doesn’t want snacks, souvenirs, or even to be at the show, and she definitely doesn’t want to be at a restaurant with you! All she wants is to stay in her room and text her friends. Let her stay in her room and go enjoy yourself! Stop wasting time and money. Tell her she can get some food from the vending machine and call it a day. Both you and she will be happier.

[Anonymous]

you parents are nuts. Kids don't get to run the show. OP tell your kid to cut it out. She doesn't have to want to hang out with you but she doesn't get to be rude.
Bring the hammer down