Age gap considerations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know no one can tell me what to do, but I would appreciate some insight from people who have BTDT. I had my first baby (from IVF) in early March. She is the result of our first cycle, 2nd transfer. We have 8 embryos left. I’m turning 33 next month.

My husband and I really want at least one more child. Do we do another embryo transfer at 18 months postpartum (when the doctor says it’s safe) or wait?

On one hand, I’m a little intimidated of a small age gap. Everyone talks about how different it is. Furthermore, I want to enjoy our daughter as an only child for a while longer.

On the other hand, I’m not opposed to getting the baby years out of the way— we aren’t getting any younger. Also, unfortunately, I’ve seen way too many of my friends and acquaintances go through pregnancy and infant loss. I know having a 2nd child may not be as easy (or even guaranteed) as it was the first time around. I would hate to aim for a certain age gap and then have it very pushed back years due to unforeseen circumstances.

I just feel so torn. Thoughts??

For me, I would reframe this as “What is MY (as in the OP) risk tolerance around having a second child?” The age gap matters far less in the grand scheme than your ability to get pregnant a second time. The longer you wait the more likely it is that you will experience complications and/or have less time biologically to get pregnant if you experience multiple losses. This is the way that I think. I have three under five with 25 months between kids and had my kids between 31-35. I wanted three and I wanted to reduce the risk of age related complications or infertility complicating things. It’s chaotic at times but I work full time and we manage very well with a great nanny as well as tons of involvement from my husband. Think about your priorities and what would be most difficult for you in the long run and act accordingly to try to prevent that situation from occurring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 months apart and I loveeee it. Get those pregnancy / baby years over with while you’re in the zone!

I don't understand this philosophy. You want to get a dentist appointment over quickly but why woukd you rush through your child's life?

This is an asinine comment. Some people don't enjoy the baby years. Some people want to be done with naps and diapers and not prolong it. Some people can't wait to travel with their kids and share hobbies.

PP is right. You’re an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Whatever happens, as long as you have a healthy baby, you will be happy, OP.

There's a 5 year age gap between my children. We like that, because each child got individual attention as babies, and individual attention as high schoolers, which is non-negligible considering teens are hard to parent, and college admissions are absolutely insane!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 months apart and I loveeee it. Get those pregnancy / baby years over with while you’re in the zone!

I don't understand this philosophy. You want to get a dentist appointment over quickly but why woukd you rush through your child's life?

This is an asinine comment. Some people don't enjoy the baby years. Some people want to be done with naps and diapers and not prolong it. Some people can't wait to travel with their kids and share hobbies.

PP is right. You’re an idiot.

It really bother you that not everyone thinks and acts the exact way you want them to huh? Control issues?

[Anonymous]

I started trying at 18 months got pregnant right away. Lost the pregnancy at 15 weeks and so kicked off 2+ years of many more losses and no happy story to tell. So, I would try and hope with the idea that life often kicks you in the gut.