529s for nieces and nephews

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t do it unless it was equal amounts. Someone will find out and feel less loved no matter the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t do it unless it was equal amounts. Someone will find out and feel less loved no matter the situation.

This. Your not the generous loving aunt if you set off a bomb in a family system and create dysfunction. What you see if is a snapshot in time of their financial circumstances. It can change quickly and you don't know if the well off ones were more thrifty and made more sacrifices too. Even if you give and they end up having extra left over from the 529, that can be passed on to the next generation. You need to be responsible with money and people and relationships come first. Every time this subject comes up of not being equal with money gifts, you have the people who swear it's no big deal, at least some of whom probably got their own favoritism. Sometimes you really do have a sibling who just faced hard times and is a lovely person and you want them to get more. If one of the families insists you give their part to the sibling than that is fine, but you should not be deciding who deserves more. Yes, you can do absolutely anything with your money. Plenty of people use their money to fund chaos and play favorites and make people feel lousy. They can make endless justifications, but the damage they cause is horrendous. Use your money for good. Either be fair or donate it to a charity.

[Anonymous]

Of course you help those who need it more. How is this even a question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a good family therapist or a really good financial advisor and they will tell you how damaging it is to give unequal financial gifts. Read up on what happens when parents give unequal inheritances and that will give you some idea. You will have people come on here and say it's your money do as you please and they wouldn't care, but the reality is causes so many problems.

But I am not the parents.

It doesn't matter that you are not the parents. You are doing something that can cause permanent rifts in a family and you seem to think you are just being kind. You need to understand the potential consequences of your actions rather than simply looking for praise about what a good person you must be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you help those who need it more. How is this even a question?

What if one sibling used extra money to fund lavish trips and has little savings, The other saved that money, rarely went on vacation and was giving some money and has a child with special needs. One had a chance for promotions but gave it up to have more time to chill. The other took it to be able to save for college for her kids and is burned out. The stories could be endless of how they got there and none if it matters if you just are equal with gifts. In families you should do no harm like the saying in medicine. There is the potential to do harm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t do it unless it was equal amounts. Someone will find out and feel less loved no matter the situation.

Obviously this depends on the family. We are in a very different financial situation than my sister’s family. We have savings and will be able to pay when mine go to college. I would have no problem if someone set up accounts for my niece and nephew and not my kids. We don’t live locally but visit and my children are well aware they grew up differently than their cousins whenever we visit. If this were our family and I had a say I would want the college savings to go to them and not my kids. Mine are taken care of.

[Anonymous]

One more thing to be aware of, speak to a financial advisor because a 529 can affect financial aid. If these kids don’t have a lot, you don’t want to disqualify them because of your generosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t do it unless it was equal amounts. Someone will find out and feel less loved no matter the situation.

Obviously this depends on the family. We are in a very different financial situation than my sister’s family. We have savings and will be able to pay when mine go to college. I would have no problem if someone set up accounts for my niece and nephew and not my kids. We don’t live locally but visit and my children are well aware they grew up differently than their cousins whenever we visit. If this were our family and I had a say I would want the college savings to go to them and not my kids. Mine are taken care of.

Yes and it would be totally fine for you to tell the person to give it to your sibling. OP has no idea what went into some siblings saving more than others. Let the sibling be the one to make the kind gesture to insist OP give more or all to the one who does not have much in the 529. That only keeps harmony. OP is still seen as generous and nobody feel slighted or punished. I would go into to making it equal, not saying "how do you feel if I give it all the the ones with nothing in the 529?" Nobody should have to plead their case to OP or throw the sibling with less under the bus because they have some inside info OP doesn't know.

[Anonymous]

I do know that one is a surgeon who makes about $900k a year and one is a private school teacher who makes about $60k.

The financial aid issue is not a factor if I own the 529.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t do it unless it was equal amounts. Someone will find out and feel less loved no matter the situation.

Obviously this depends on the family. We are in a very different financial situation than my sister’s family. We have savings and will be able to pay when mine go to college. I would have no problem if someone set up accounts for my niece and nephew and not my kids. We don’t live locally but visit and my children are well aware they grew up differently than their cousins whenever we visit. If this were our family and I had a say I would want the college savings to go to them and not my kids. Mine are taken care of.

Yes and it would be totally fine for you to tell the person to give it to your sibling. OP has no idea what went into some siblings saving more than others. Let the sibling be the one to make the kind gesture to insist OP give more or all to the one who does not have much in the 529. That only keeps harmony. OP is still seen as generous and nobody feel slighted or punished. I would go into to making it equal, not saying "how do you feel if I give it all the the ones with nothing in the 529?" Nobody should have to plead their case to OP or throw the sibling with less under the bus because they have some inside info OP doesn't know.

Why would anyone plead their case? I do not understand. This is a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you help those who need it more. How is this even a question?

What if one sibling used extra money to fund lavish trips and has little savings, The other saved that money, rarely went on vacation and was giving some money and has a child with special needs. One had a chance for promotions but gave it up to have more time to chill. The other took it to be able to save for college for her kids and is burned out. The stories could be endless of how they got there and none if it matters if you just are equal with gifts. In families you should do no harm like the saying in medicine. There is the potential to do harm.

These are fanciful tales. There is no one with a special needs child. And no one is a spend thrift and no one turned down promotions. One just has a much more lucrative career. That’s it. It is apparent to anyone that is the case.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely it’s okay to provide 529 when the parents are in lower paying jobs. I would feel differently about your will or inheritance but I think college support is fine bc it’s not like the other neices and nephews will be going into great debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do know that one is a surgeon who makes about $900k a year and one is a private school teacher who makes about $60k.

The financial aid issue is not a factor if I own the 529.

You clearly are set on doing it your way. I would suggest you offer to all and simply let the surgeon say "no thank you give it all to my sibling." It's pretty simple, but if you feel strongly you must only offer it to the person who makes less than go for it. Just be aware it may cause problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you help those who need it more. How is this even a question?

What if one sibling used extra money to fund lavish trips and has little savings, The other saved that money, rarely went on vacation and was giving some money and has a child with special needs. One had a chance for promotions but gave it up to have more time to chill. The other took it to be able to save for college for her kids and is burned out. The stories could be endless of how they got there and none if it matters if you just are equal with gifts. In families you should do no harm like the saying in medicine. There is the potential to do harm.

These are fanciful tales. There is no one with a special needs child. And no one is a spend thrift and no one turned down promotions. One just has a much more lucrative career. That’s it. It is apparent to anyone that is the case.

OP there are going to be things you don't know about in a family. Why did you even post to ask the question? You just want people to tell you that you are amazing and incredibly generous and everyone in the family should give you a standing ovation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely it’s okay to provide 529 when the parents are in lower paying jobs. I would feel differently about your will or inheritance but I think college support is fine bc it’s not like the other neices and nephews will be going into great debt.

Will leaves everything to spouse, then to kids equally. If we all pre-decease, so siblings in equal shares. But that is different. Just a windfall with no purpose. This has a purpose - to get the kids through college without debt.