when your teen has their bf/gf over

[Anonymous]

My older teens are now 18+ and in college and they can hang out wherever with doors closed. We’ve always let them since they started dating which wasn’t till they were around 16. Both girls.

Flame away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen can do whatever. I've made it clear that I will not support a teenage pregnancy. If my daughter gets pregnant all support ends. I can be very spiteful so my daughter knows I'm not bluffing. We haven't had any issues yet.

Are you hipolar?

I don't think I'm bipolar. There are some things that I have zero flexibility on. My daughter knows all about safe sex etc. However if she chooses to be careless and get pregnant that's on her. Same thing with drugs if she's dumb enough to become a junkie that's on her. I will not participate in any of that. I will offer no help and she'll be on her own. I've been very clear about this. She knows exactly where I stand.

I’d love to know how your relationship fares with her in 20 years. My father was like this. We haven’t talked in 25 and he’s never met his grandchild.

He’s in poor health now and his new wife keeps begging for a relationship. But, nah. He knows exactly where insata d, to quote you.

[Anonymous]

Op, depends on the house set-up. We felt lucky believing, for us, we had the ideal house layout. Lower level rec room w/tv was a separate floor but not entirely private since it could be seen from some areas of the living room above. I think it's a fine line. You don't snoop but you also don't change your ordinary coming and going (doing laundry, for example), if you need to walk through the room. More intimacy than you're comfortable with, may happen somewhere sometime but it's reasonable that you don't alter your routine to promote the opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Why do people assume that teens are going to have sex in the house with parents present?

if they are going to do it its going to be well after the parents retire and the boy is going to come in a window or unlocked door.

My first two b/f's we did it in his car and in the woods.

[Anonymous]

I was doing it in the basement with parents upstairs at 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen can do whatever. I've made it clear that I will not support a teenage pregnancy. If my daughter gets pregnant all support ends. I can be very spiteful so my daughter knows I'm not bluffing. We haven't had any issues yet.

Are you hipolar?

I don't think I'm bipolar. There are some things that I have zero flexibility on. My daughter knows all about safe sex etc. However if she chooses to be careless and get pregnant that's on her. Same thing with drugs if she's dumb enough to become a junkie that's on her. I will not participate in any of that. I will offer no help and she'll be on her own. I've been very clear about this. She knows exactly where I stand.

I’d love to know how your relationship fares with her in 20 years. My father was like this. We haven’t talked in 25 and he’s never met his grandchild.

He’s in poor health now and his new wife keeps begging for a relationship. But, nah. He knows exactly where insata d, to quote you.

You've made a choice not to speak to your father. That's fine. If my daughter decides she doesn't want to speak to me later on in life that's fine. She's gets to make that decision as an adult.
DCUM continues to promote this idea that in order to have a relationship with your adult children you need to be a permissive parent when they're young. That's simply false. Every parent has a line, I don't associate with adults that don't share my value system, even if that adult is my child.

[Anonymous]

DS has a den/office off the living room. It is not in direct eye sight unless I sit at a specific part of the living room, which we don't do. There isnt a door though so not too worried about DS and his gf being in there. That said, are teens having sex when their parents are home??! I was a pretty sex craved teen and never even once wanted to do something with a boyfriend beyond kissing when my parents were home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen can do whatever. I've made it clear that I will not support a teenage pregnancy. If my daughter gets pregnant all support ends. I can be very spiteful so my daughter knows I'm not bluffing. We haven't had any issues yet.

Are you hipolar?

I don't think I'm bipolar. There are some things that I have zero flexibility on. My daughter knows all about safe sex etc. However if she chooses to be careless and get pregnant that's on her. Same thing with drugs if she's dumb enough to become a junkie that's on her. I will not participate in any of that. I will offer no help and she'll be on her own. I've been very clear about this. She knows exactly where I stand.

I’d love to know how your relationship fares with her in 20 years. My father was like this. We haven’t talked in 25 and he’s never met his grandchild.

He’s in poor health now and his new wife keeps begging for a relationship. But, nah. He knows exactly where insata d, to quote you.

You've made a choice not to speak to your father. That's fine. If my daughter decides she doesn't want to speak to me later on in life that's fine. She's gets to make that decision as an adult.
DCUM continues to promote this idea that in order to have a relationship with your adult children you need to be a permissive parent when they're young. That's simply false. Every parent has a line, I don't associate with adults that don't share my value system, even if that adult is my child.

Are you the PP who said "I can be spiteful"? Are you arguing that treating your minor kids with spite is part of your value system? Or that not being spiteful is the same as being permissive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, mostly this sounds like our rules at this point too. I’m curious if rules are different if you have boys vs girls. Are the girl’s moms more likely to have set rules in place?

I have both a son (now in college) and a daughter (HS junior) and we allowed the same for both. Like several of the PPs, the basement was the hang-out for them and the door to the basement had to be left open and I'd pop downstairs usually once or twice during their visits to get something from the basement fridge.

I also always ensured a supply of condoms in the basement bathroom closet. Not out of encouragement, but because of reality.

[Anonymous]

They hang out in common rooms. We hang out in other common rooms - sometimes on the same floor, sometimes one floor away. Boyfriends/girlfriends are not allowed in their bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I was doing it in the basement with parents upstairs at 14.

And if you weren’t, you would be in a car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen can do whatever. I've made it clear that I will not support a teenage pregnancy. If my daughter gets pregnant all support ends. I can be very spiteful so my daughter knows I'm not bluffing. We haven't had any issues yet.

Are you hipolar?

I don't think I'm bipolar. There are some things that I have zero flexibility on. My daughter knows all about safe sex etc. However if she chooses to be careless and get pregnant that's on her. Same thing with drugs if she's dumb enough to become a junkie that's on her. I will not participate in any of that. I will offer no help and she'll be on her own. I've been very clear about this. She knows exactly where I stand.

I’d love to know how your relationship fares with her in 20 years. My father was like this. We haven’t talked in 25 and he’s never met his grandchild.

He’s in poor health now and his new wife keeps begging for a relationship. But, nah. He knows exactly where insata d, to quote you.

You've made a choice not to speak to your father. That's fine. If my daughter decides she doesn't want to speak to me later on in life that's fine. She's gets to make that decision as an adult.
DCUM continues to promote this idea that in order to have a relationship with your adult children you need to be a permissive parent when they're young. That's simply false. Every parent has a line, I don't associate with adults that don't share my value system, even if that adult is my child.

Are you the PP who said "I can be spiteful"? Are you arguing that treating your minor kids with spite is part of your value system? Or that not being spiteful is the same as being permissive?

No I'm not the same PP. But I sorta understand the point that poster is making. There are certain behaviors that I would not accept from my child. If they decided to engage in said behaviors I would cut ties with them.
The fact is you can do everything "right" and still end up estranged from your kids. My job as a parent is to do what I think is right and provide guidance for my kids. If my kids choose to separate from me later in life then so be it. I don't lose a lot of sleep over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen can do whatever. I've made it clear that I will not support a teenage pregnancy. If my daughter gets pregnant all support ends. I can be very spiteful so my daughter knows I'm not bluffing. We haven't had any issues yet.

Are you hipolar?

I don't think I'm bipolar. There are some things that I have zero flexibility on. My daughter knows all about safe sex etc. However if she chooses to be careless and get pregnant that's on her. Same thing with drugs if she's dumb enough to become a junkie that's on her. I will not participate in any of that. I will offer no help and she'll be on her own. I've been very clear about this. She knows exactly where I stand.

I’d love to know how your relationship fares with her in 20 years. My father was like this. We haven’t talked in 25 and he’s never met his grandchild.

He’s in poor health now and his new wife keeps begging for a relationship. But, nah. He knows exactly where insata d, to quote you.

You've made a choice not to speak to your father. That's fine. If my daughter decides she doesn't want to speak to me later on in life that's fine. She's gets to make that decision as an adult.
DCUM continues to promote this idea that in order to have a relationship with your adult children you need to be a permissive parent when they're young. That's simply false. Every parent has a line, I don't associate with adults that don't share my value system, even if that adult is my child.

I'm terribly impressed.

And how would you know if you share my values on this point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people assume that teens are going to have sex in the house with parents present?

if they are going to do it its going to be well after the parents retire and the boy is going to come in a window or unlocked door.

My first two b/f's we did it in his car and in the woods.

Because I did, with parents upstairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people assume that teens are going to have sex in the house with parents present?

if they are going to do it its going to be well after the parents retire and the boy is going to come in a window or unlocked door.

My first two b/f's we did it in his car and in the woods.

Had sex with my BF in basement rec room with parents just upstairs. It seems insane now to think about it.