Best way to divide money when you’re married?

[Anonymous]

Our accounts were always joint until we each had our own schedule C businesses. Despite money ups and downs and big differences in income it’s never been an issue. You don’t divide you just make do.

[Anonymous]

We are similar to OP. Portion of our paycheck automatically goes into joint checking and all joint bills (mortgage, credit cards groceries, dinners out, vacations, investments) are paid from there.

The remainder goes into our individual account for individual hobbies, gifts for one another, any individual travel, etc. When we had vastly different salaries, we contributed to joint checking in proportion to our salaries. Now we make about the same and contribute equally.

It works for us. We like sharing all joint expenses and having a small portion of our earnings reserved for individual spending so there’s no judgment about a trip with college friends, an expensive spa, etc.

[Anonymous]

We have a joint account. Spouse spends a lot on hobbies compared to me, but grumbled about my expenditures. I wish we had done it your way OP.

[Anonymous]

I do think a bunch of separate accounts can result in not meeting financial goals.

My in-laws manage finances separately and now at retirement one spouse has individual accounts with plenty of money and the other spouse does not. One is a spender one is a saver. All individual account accomplished was avoiding tough conversations about spending.

[Anonymous]

We do what you do op. I.have never argued about money with my spouse. It's been 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have a joint checking and savings account, and we also have our own checking accounts. We give ourselves a certain amount of money each paycheck for personal spending and the rest is auto invested and goes to the joint checking/savings accounts. Joint accounts are used for household and couple expenses, personal accounts are used for hobbies, etc.

Is this a good way to do it? We are just starting out. I have a much higher income so it feels more fair to have joint accounts vs keeping everything separate.

All money is “ours”, we don’t have “mine, yours, and ours”. It is all tracked into the same Quicken file.

However for practical reasons, we each have our own checking account and we can move money back and forth if needed for cash flow. We have joint savings accounts. Our paychecks go into our individual checking accounts and based on which bills we pay we set up a monthly amount we each send to the savings account. We have a comfort buffer of $1-2k in each account and if it gets too low we reallocate the cash flow; we deposit more into savings account if it gets too high. This worked while both of us were earning. When one of us stayed home for a bit, we would transfer a set monthly amount from the earner’s account to the sahp’s account to cover their cash flow.

Again, all of our accounts feed into Quicken.

[Anonymous]

Joint everything - in our 50’s. Was tough for me at first as I was by far the more responsible one. However agree with pp that it forced us to talk about financial goals and priorities - hugely important! It also reinforced our joint journey.

One bit of advice we received is to pick an amount of money you would not spend without checking in first with your spouse/partner (I’m thinking of purchasing xyz$$ - u ok w that?) Never once have we denied the other - I suspect that that is partly because most times it makes us first evaluate our possible purchase against our goals before checking in with the other - we absolutely have splurged on nonsense but we thought about it. This sounded horrifying to my young, independent self, but many years in, over the winding road, It has worked well for us.

We also considered the separate splurge accounts and got rid of pretty quickly because it was easier to combine and we decided to take the plunge and trust each other. It is a leap of faith without question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think a bunch of separate accounts can result in not meeting financial goals.

My in-laws manage finances separately and now at retirement one spouse has individual accounts with plenty of money and the other spouse does not. One is a spender one is a saver. All individual account accomplished was avoiding tough conversations about spending.

Separate accounts always person here. There are types of expenses DH pays for, and types I pay for. But, we are both savers and agree on our end goal, which is to maximize what we leave our children. It likely doesn't work if both aren't savers and agree on the ultimate goal.

The major area of disagreement we have is how to invest. By having separate accounts, each invests in their own way. DH is a real estate and bank deposit person, and I am an equities person. Neither would convince the other which is the better path. Although we both make about the same amount, I am definitely ahead in investments, but combined we are more diversified.

[Anonymous]

Why the separate accounts for personal spending? Do you both judge each other for purchases if you see them on an account statement but otherwise ignore?

[Anonymous]

We do joint everything too but in the past few years DH has become depressed and started a shopping addiction. We had a rule that anything over $100 we had to mention it to the other but that rule has fallen to the wayside from his side. I would have said joint everything too but now I wonder if we should have done it your way OP

[Anonymous]

For us all money is joint and we discuss big purchases before making them.

[Anonymous]

Assuming… each of you have a fully funded retirement account, your family has a joint emergency fund that could pay 6 months of bills.

The best thing for us was 1 account that has “all the salaries” auto go there.

We each get $1000/paycheck to our own accounts.

We use our own accounts for non family stuff… vacations without family, my H likes to buy tools and such, my hair and gym
Memberships and cars. Cars may seem to be “family” but my H likes sports cars so no they are not family. I pay for the Van which seems family but if it were a family decision it would be a maxi SUV and since it’s “my money” it’s my choice and I hate those huge cars.

It’s nice to buy gifts from our own accounts so we don’t feel we’re buying ourselves a gift.

This model limits discussions like can we really afford that car or do you really need a $1000 table saw.

I visit my brother every year and that costs about $2000 after all is said and done and that’s how I like to spend my money. No discussion on cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For us all money is joint and we discuss big purchases before making them.

This is why we have a joint account and a separate account. I don’t need to discuss every big purchase if I have the money.

[Anonymous]

We have everything joint. When we have a lot of money, it works great. When things are tight, I get very stressed about my DH's spending and it feels like the belt-tightening is entirely one-sided. He lost his job and won't cut back, so I'm feeling like it's all on me to save and I'm getting resentful.

For those with separate accounts for personal spending, how did you set that up? Do you have personal credit cards you use only to access those funds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have a joint checking and savings account, and we also have our own checking accounts. We give ourselves a certain amount of money each paycheck for personal spending and the rest is auto invested and goes to the joint checking/savings accounts. Joint accounts are used for household and couple expenses, personal accounts are used for hobbies, etc.

Is this a good way to do it? We are just starting out. I have a much higher income so it feels more fair to have joint accounts vs keeping everything separate.

I think that’s a great place to start. My husband and I started out like that and over time we became more comfortable and after a few years we didn’t feel the need for the separate accounts and now everything is just one pot. It takes time to get there and I think starting out where you are helps stop some resentments that could creep up at first.