How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …

[Anonymous]

I'm 44 and I call my parents once a week, on the weekend, and have done so since college. I do not use video or get the kids involved, that's too hard.

If I have time, I try to call them each separately during the week - I manage to do that maybe once a month. We have better conversations that way than during the weekly calls which is both of them on the phone at once, but it's harder to catch them.

[Anonymous]

My parents are deceased, but my DH calls his parents every Sunday evening. I don’t even talk/text with my college daughter daily. We talk every weekend at a minimum. Occasional texts during the week, but not daily

[Anonymous]

Maybe once or twice a month for ~ 10 mins. I'd cut them out entirely because of unhealthy family dynamics but this works for now as long as more isn't demanded of me.

[Anonymous]

I guess most peopl3 don’t have adult children / older out of state relatives/parents.

[Anonymous]

With all three at least once a week or often twice. Sometimes it’s a FaceTime with grandkids.

[Anonymous]

I text my mom daily, call maybe every other day. My dad is on the phone maybe once a week. Dh rarely calls his parents even though they’re close and have a good relationship.

I find facetime offensive and hate it. It’s obtrusive. My kids will have a full on tantrums to avoid FaceTiming. We tried calling my in-laws weekly over FaceTime and it just resulted in nonstop upset kids and then we were upset at poor behavior and they spent the rest of the night in trouble/ upset /lost privileges. They’d start acting up as soon as they knew it was coming. I would try hiding too so I didn’t have to deal with the melee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! I FaceTime my mom every night after I’ve put my own kids to sleep. And before he became ill I spoke to my dad daily. My husband calls his parents 3-4 times a week! We just love them and know they are in their late 70s/80s and our days are counted. Do some people really only call their parents once a month? That makes me so sad!

Different strokes. But you also sound sad. Would you say you are enmeshed especially with mom? My relationship was like that and it took a huge toll on me.

+1

The enmeshment is real.

[Anonymous]

My husband FaceTimes with his 70+ yo parents at lease once a day. Sometimes more often. They complain if they don’t see the kids daily.

I FaceTime with my mom daily too, but if I don’t have a chance to call or she doesn’t see the kids, she’s ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Count me as another person who can’t stand FaceTime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Count me as another person who can’t stand FaceTime.

Kids plus FaceTime/zoom = nightmare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:… if they have children?

Do you expect multiple calls per week? Once a month? Do you have a set schedule?

How often do you call your out of state parents (presumably 70+ yo)?

I think it's different for different phases of life and circumstances. My parents are older so I call 2-5 times per week. We are middle age so my kids call once a week or every other week. However, we text every day or other day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Count me as another person who can’t stand FaceTime.

Absolutely hate it, even from people I love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here — forgot to also ask, do you or your children call aunts and uncles regularly too?

I don't call my aunts or uncles but we aren't that close and I have about a dozen and in different countries. I've not many in decades so not enough to talk about. My siblings get once a month call but we stay in touch via family text thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! I FaceTime my mom every night after I’ve put my own kids to sleep. And before he became ill I spoke to my dad daily. My husband calls his parents 3-4 times a week! We just love them and know they are in their late 70s/80s and our days are counted. Do some people really only call their parents once a month? That makes me so sad!

Do people really FT their parents daily? That makes me so sad that they are so enmeshed!

This is such a weird, and weirdly American sentiment. SAD that they love talking to their parents? I'm sorry, but that says more about you than it does the person you're "sad" for (lbh, you're judgmental, not sad). And what it says about you isn't good.

I don't talk to my parents hardly at all, and they live 8 hours away in another state but I wish I did. There are significant issues (involving abuse and other things) why I don't. I wish I had the relationship with them that was more loving and nurturing such that I wanted to speak to them more. Just putting that out there before you accuse me of talking to them every day, which I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! I FaceTime my mom every night after I’ve put my own kids to sleep. And before he became ill I spoke to my dad daily. My husband calls his parents 3-4 times a week! We just love them and know they are in their late 70s/80s and our days are counted. Do some people really only call their parents once a month? That makes me so sad!

Do people really FT their parents daily? That makes me so sad that they are so enmeshed!

This is such a weird, and weirdly American sentiment. SAD that they love talking to their parents? I'm sorry, but that says more about you than it does the person you're "sad" for (lbh, you're judgmental, not sad). And what it says about you isn't good.

I don't talk to my parents hardly at all, and they live 8 hours away in another state but I wish I did. There are significant issues (involving abuse and other things) why I don't. I wish I had the relationship with them that was more loving and nurturing such that I wanted to speak to them more. Just putting that out there before you accuse me of talking to them every day, which I don't.

I know two people that talk to their parents daily and text/communicate in addition. Both are living their lifestyles because their parents subsidize them heavily. At least one seems to feel obligated to maintain all this communication for risk of getting the $$$s pulled. These are 50+ people I am talking about...not 20-somethings.

My point is that you can't draw simple conclusions from someone that talks daily with their parents vs. one that does not. For these two acquaintances, the communication sounds like a transactional obligation.