I don't know how my SIL deals with my BIL's agoraphobia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You hypothesizing about and hyperfocusing on her life is weird. That sounds weirder to me than two married people making decisions that work for them. Do you need a hobby?

I think about it when she posts on social media visiting family alone, at a wedding alone, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hypothesizing about and hyperfocusing on her life is weird. That sounds weirder to me than two married people making decisions that work for them. Do you need a hobby?

I think about it when she posts on social media visiting family alone, at a wedding alone, etc.

OK? Is she posting to say “help me help me I’m at a wedding alone,” or is she posting to say “it was great seeing cousin Kate looking so beautiful as a bride.” Like, are they “help I’m miserable” posts, or are they just “here at the beach with family” posts?

[Anonymous]

What does him staying home have to do with her not meeting a niece? If she won’t drive 1.5 hours on her own to meet a niece, that’s on her and has zero to do with her husband. Apparently she goes to other events and travels without him, so there’s nothing stopping her from seeing that niece if she wants to. Apparently, she doesn’t want to.

What’s your problem? She makes her choices, they make their choices. None of your business, Karen.

[Anonymous]

It does impact her. She’s apparently decided that the trade-offs are worth it. Why do you care? Are you offering to support her in some way — or just enjoying putting her business out so strangers can comment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hypothesizing about and hyperfocusing on her life is weird. That sounds weirder to me than two married people making decisions that work for them. Do you need a hobby?

I think about it when she posts on social media visiting family alone, at a wedding alone, etc.

So would a single person. At least she has someone waiting at home. It could be better, it could be worse. Presumably she knew this when she married him.

[Anonymous]

My concern would be if he’s preventing her from living her best life. If she’s capable of visiting her niece and he’s not “making” her stay home, the it’s on her. If she’s okay with being solo at things then who cares how they work it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My concern would be if he’s preventing her from living her best life. If she’s capable of visiting her niece and he’s not “making” her stay home, the it’s on her. If she’s okay with being solo at things then who cares how they work it out.

Sorry if that wasn't clear - she has visited her neice, but I've noticed that she will not go to events that will embarrass him for not attending.

E.g. his best friend's brother in town died and he didn't go to the funeral. Really p&ssed off his best friend. She was close to them too but wouldn't attend without him. Or our wedding or a big milestone for my husband (out of town) she would not attend without him.

[Anonymous]

Agoraphobia is a serious mental disease, OP.
My cousin and aunt developed agoraphobia after the Fukushima-related earthquake and aftershocks. My cousin loved to travel internationally and now can’t get on a plane, and has difficulties with cars, trains and elevators. She changed jobs so she could bike to work. It’s not like she hasn’t done her UTMOST to avoid feeling like this!

If your relative is willing to live with this person, you need to respect her wishes.