Would you set your friend straight about her much older boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s a train who will wreck in about 10 months.

I’d bring up kids with him in front of her.

I’d also speak to him and ask him to break it off.

Your friend needs therapy, I’d try to get her to do this.

What happened with her dad?

Whoa, no to both the things in bold. Way too intrusive. I am in favor of OP -- if OP and the woman really are good friends -- being honest with her and pointing out that she's being foolish and immature to wear a ring, hint around, etc. But if OP "speaks to him and asks him to break it off"? WTF? That's inserting oneself WAY too far into someone else's relationship. OP can be a frank and honest friend to the woman but should not get into their business by telling the guy to break up.

GMAFB card on the table people we are not in middle school and we don’t need to pass notes and talk behind each others backs.

Grow up and grow some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in my 50s and have no example of any one ever being "set straight" by a friend. That honestly happens? Someone tells their friend why they think something they are doing won't work, and that friends changes course? If she asks your opinion, that's different, but to think that you have the power to make her disengage with this guy is, I think, misguided.

I like the suggestion to tell her to freeze her eggs, as a just in case. Otherwise, just be there for her when things end in disaster, as you predict. If you are right, this guy is going to dump her sooner rather than later anyway.

Once a very close friend said that I had “read her the riot act” about having kids before she decided to go ahead and have kids. I honestly just remember making an off-hand comment about it- she was in her mid 30s and I had both of my children earlier, she expressed apprehension and I told her she was old enough to be a parent and would be a good parent. I’m pretty sensitive to the issue as so many people in my family have fertility issues. Sometimes something a friend says makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend set me straight once. I listened and ended the relationship. She told me what I needed to hear, and no one else, not even my parents, was willing to do it. I am grateful, and it didn't negatively affect our relationship, because I knew what she said was true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend in her late 40s who is dating a man 15 years older, and I hate to say this, but he isn’t really into her.

They’ve been dating a few years and he doesn’t want to meet her friends, he doesn’t want her to move in, and doesn’t care about her son. It’s painfully obvious to all of us. She’s an extended booty call.

He’s wealthy, and maybe a secret spy (but really just a high-level defense contractor), so I guess that passes for interesting.

Unfortunately people who lack that much self awareness and are that desperate don’t respond well to people talking them out if it. There’s no setting her straight.

Also, let’s be real though. Most men aren’t worth dating.

Damn. I wouldn't want you as a 'friend' if you have such bad opinions about people you call friends.

[Anonymous]

This has to n be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Definitely, if it was a real friend whose happiness I cared about I would tell them. Not having kids is a big deal. However it would depend a lot on why I thought she was deceiving herself on being in the relationship in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Work on convincing her to freeze some eggs.

+1

Explain to her the math. She’s approaching 1 kid territory mathematically just based on the fertility profile of her age and remaining months of fertility. She does not have the time for patience with a 50 year old playboy

[Anonymous]

Show her the thread about that 43 yo who is almost infertile and approaching menopause but is “thinking” about having kids.

[Anonymous]

Mind your own business. Your friend knows. She's being willfully obtuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s a train who will wreck in about 10 months.

I’d bring up kids with him in front of her.

I’d also speak to him and ask him to break it off.

Your friend needs therapy, I’d try to get her to do this.

What happened with her dad?

Whoa, no to both the things in bold. Way too intrusive. I am in favor of OP -- if OP and the woman really are good friends -- being honest with her and pointing out that she's being foolish and immature to wear a ring, hint around, etc. But if OP "speaks to him and asks him to break it off"? WTF? That's inserting oneself WAY too far into someone else's relationship. OP can be a frank and honest friend to the woman but should not get into their business by telling the guy to break up.

GMAFB card on the table people we are not in middle school and we don’t need to pass notes and talk behind each others backs.

Grow up and grow some.

Work on your reading comprehension. And learn to follow a thread better.

I said that OP should talk to her friend and point out that the friend's hints etc. are stupid and immature. But OP has zero business outright "telling" the man to break it off, which is what another PP said the OP should do.

OP has standing to talk to her friend frankly about all this but has no standing at all to order the man to break up with the friend. That terrible advice is what I was responding to, which you'd have known if you'd actually read not only my post but also the specific post to which I was responding. Nowhere do I advocate for "passing notes and talking behind each others' backs."

In fact, it's the man in this couple who is talking behind the woman's back. Did you really read the original post of the thread? The guy actually talked casually to the OP about how the friend doesn't understand he doesn't want kids. He should be telling his GF/OP's friend that, not chit-chatting about it with OP.

[Anonymous]

There’s an obvious reason neither of them is or has been married. I’d stay out of it and let it run its course.

[Anonymous]

A friend once gave me advice about what I deserved instead of directly telling me the guy wasn't going to be who I needed him to be. The advice rang so true that I couldn't ignore it. Maybe saying something like "you deserve to be with a man who is overtly excited about a future with you and with children instead of a guy who is equivocal."