My mom and husband have the same birthday and my mom always "seems to forget"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, your mom should not be planning her own birthday.

Second, next year you will plan your mom's birthday on a convenient day the weekend before or after her birthday or weekday that makes sense. You will plan it with your sibling. You won't make you h go but if he wants to he can.

Third, you will celebrate your H on his day and send a nice note to your mom on her birthday 1st thing in the am saying, had a great time celebrating last weekend, happy birthday or can't wait to celebrate with you this weekend.

Stop being a doormat and a martyr all at once.

You can plan your own birthday--if you're paying. What are the odds that OP's mom planned to treat everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, your mom should not be planning her own birthday.

Second, next year you will plan your mom's birthday on a convenient day the weekend before or after her birthday or weekday that makes sense. You will plan it with your sibling. You won't make you h go but if he wants to he can.

Third, you will celebrate your H on his day and send a nice note to your mom on her birthday 1st thing in the am saying, had a great time celebrating last weekend, happy birthday or can't wait to celebrate with you this weekend.

Stop being a doormat and a martyr all at once.

Lol imagine telling OP she WILL plan her narcissist mothers bday next year. Buzz off with that suggestion.

It's a dinner at a restaurant, you sound completely incompetent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, your mom should not be planning her own birthday.

Second, next year you will plan your mom's birthday on a convenient day the weekend before or after her birthday or weekday that makes sense. You will plan it with your sibling. You won't make you h go but if he wants to he can.

Third, you will celebrate your H on his day and send a nice note to your mom on her birthday 1st thing in the am saying, had a great time celebrating last weekend, happy birthday or can't wait to celebrate with you this weekend.

Stop being a doormat and a martyr all at once.

You can plan your own birthday--if you're paying. What are the odds that OP's mom planned to treat everyone?

It's a dinner with sibling, split it. Wow, you guys are completely lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry if this is stating the obvious but she sounds like a b***h based on 1) her insistence that grown children celebrate her birthday on command; and 2) her response that you can celebrate him a different day. I doubt she is actually forgetting

Don't you ever get tired of needing to be on every MIL board calling them a B. Enough already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry Mom. We are going to have dinner with the kids so that the kids can celebrate their dad's birthday. We'll come by on Saturday to wish you a happy birthday and take you out for lunch.

I would frame this differently -

Hi Mom, Happy Birthday!

We planned our entire day today to honor and celebrate DH's birthday. So, we will be unable to make it. Have fun at dinner tonight with everyone.

The honor thing is weird. A simple "sorry we can't make it. We have plans for DH's birthday. Let's schedule another time for us to get together."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been together 22 years and my mom somehow forgets EVERY year that her birthday is also his. I woke up at 6am to a group text from her to my siblings and I saying "Hello, please reserve 4-8pm on my birthday for dinner out with you guys and your significant others. The restaurant isn't kid friendly. Looking forward to celebrating my bday with you all!".

I'm the only one with kids so that was an indirect way of telling me to get a babysitter. I have 3 little kids under 5yo. My DH is not going to want to leave our kids and get dinner with my siblings on his birthday. A sitter for 6 hours (1 hr commute each way to dinner) is $200+. I'm also not going to go alone and leave DH to handle all the evening dinner, baths, bedtimes alone on his bday.

I responded back saying that it's DH's birthday too and he will want to spend quality time with the kids. She responded "Oh I seem to have forgotten. Can you celebrate his another day?".

Your mother sounds like a mean, bitter, selfish person.

[Anonymous]

“Just like you want to celebrate with your kids on your birthday, DH wants to celebrate with his kids on his birthday. How about you and I go out for brunch/dinner another night?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, your mom should not be planning her own birthday.

Second, next year you will plan your mom's birthday on a convenient day the weekend before or after her birthday or weekday that makes sense. You will plan it with your sibling. You won't make you h go but if he wants to he can.

Third, you will celebrate your H on his day and send a nice note to your mom on her birthday 1st thing in the am saying, had a great time celebrating last weekend, happy birthday or can't wait to celebrate with you this weekend.

Stop being a doormat and a martyr all at once.

Lol imagine telling OP she WILL plan her narcissist mothers bday next year. Buzz off with that suggestion.

It's a dinner at a restaurant, you sound completely incompetent.

The mom sounds like a raging narcissist, why should anyone play into that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, your mom should not be planning her own birthday.

Second, next year you will plan your mom's birthday on a convenient day the weekend before or after her birthday or weekday that makes sense. You will plan it with your sibling. You won't make you h go but if he wants to he can.

Third, you will celebrate your H on his day and send a nice note to your mom on her birthday 1st thing in the am saying, had a great time celebrating last weekend, happy birthday or can't wait to celebrate with you this weekend.

Stop being a doormat and a martyr all at once.

Lol imagine telling OP she WILL plan her narcissist mothers bday next year. Buzz off with that suggestion.

It's a dinner at a restaurant, you sound completely incompetent.

The mom sounds like a raging narcissist, why should anyone play into that?

She’s already playing into it. She plans to celebrate her mom’s birthday. She just doesn’t like the day her mom picked.

So stop being a little kid and take the bull by the horn and plan it on the day you want it.

[Anonymous]

Next year, don't reply to the text. Send her flowers or a present on her birthday.

If anyone wants to know why you didn't show up at the restaurant, say it was your husband's birthday, too, and he wanted to celebrate with his kids.

If your siblings push back or text you separately, be blunt: "Remember last year? I know Mom doesn't and never will, so I figure it's just easier to skip the debate and carry on with our lives. I hope the rest of you had/have a great time."

[Anonymous]

I got married on a co-workers birthday. She retired a few years ago and still wishes me a happy anniversary!

Your mom sounds awful, I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

I mean, OP doesn’t have to go, but I don’t think it’s terrible that OP’s mom invited her to dinner on her birthday. So mom can never host a birthday dinner for herself because OP’s husband has the same birthday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, OP doesn’t have to go, but I don’t think it’s terrible that OP’s mom invited her to dinner on her birthday. So mom can never host a birthday dinner for herself because OP’s husband has the same birthday?

NP. That mom conveniently forgets that she shares a birthday with her SIL, that she expects to be celebrated before the DH, and most egregious to me is that she wants her SonIL to celebrate his birthday without his kids. I'm sure there are plenty of people who are happy to have a night out to themselves to celebrate. But a hard no on taking 6 hours without my kids to celebrate with my MIL who clearly doesn't care about anyone but herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, OP doesn’t have to go, but I don’t think it’s terrible that OP’s mom invited her to dinner on her birthday. So mom can never host a birthday dinner for herself because OP’s husband has the same birthday?

And let me clarify. Sure, mom can do what she wants. But it's rude to make a plan that does not include celebrating her son in law as well, and not allowing said SIL's kids (her grandkids) to attend. Just weird.

If it was a milestone birthday, maybe, but why not include the kids for the milestone?

[Anonymous]

This is your 22nd rodeo, OP. Hasn’t this scenario played itself out many times in the past? What has worked well vs. not so well in past years?