“Agency and exploration are some of the only things the wealthy can’t buy for their kids”

[Anonymous]

I mean there is a lot that money can’t buy. That probably causes half the weird threads on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I will tell my nanny to give the kids 15 minutes of agency and 15 minutes of exploration daily.

Hysterical.

[Anonymous]

I find this discussion similar to the hyperfocus on sleep training or starting solid foods - there are different ways to get there but every kid learns to sleep and to eat. Parents pour a ton of anxiety and theorizing into something that will shake out pretty much the same for everyone in the end. Even kids who are coddled/stifled at home will find their footing in college or beyond.

FWIW, I have working class parents and my childhood was the opposite of free range. Combo of 80s stranger danger, living on a street without other kids or a way to safely bike anywhere, and parents intent on me going to college. I was in a ton of activities plus private school. My agency didn't suffer and I turned out ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this discussion similar to the hyperfocus on sleep training or starting solid foods - there are different ways to get there but every kid learns to sleep and to eat. Parents pour a ton of anxiety and theorizing into something that will shake out pretty much the same for everyone in the end. Even kids who are coddled/stifled at home will find their footing in college or beyond.

FWIW, I have working class parents and my childhood was the opposite of free range. Combo of 80s stranger danger, living on a street without other kids or a way to safely bike anywhere, and parents intent on me going to college. I was in a ton of activities plus private school. My agency didn't suffer and I turned out ok.

Hi I’d like to introduce you to the bats*** crazy current college students. No, the kids are not ok. I will just aim to do whatever their parents did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this discussion similar to the hyperfocus on sleep training or starting solid foods - there are different ways to get there but every kid learns to sleep and to eat. Parents pour a ton of anxiety and theorizing into something that will shake out pretty much the same for everyone in the end. Even kids who are coddled/stifled at home will find their footing in college or beyond.

FWIW, I have working class parents and my childhood was the opposite of free range. Combo of 80s stranger danger, living on a street without other kids or a way to safely bike anywhere, and parents intent on me going to college. I was in a ton of activities plus private school. My agency didn't suffer and I turned out ok.

Hi I’d like to introduce you to the bats*** crazy current college students. No, the kids are not ok. I will just aim to do whatever their parents did not.

I work with recent grads and they're great. Either they are sorting themselves out during college (which is normal) or - and I admit this could be true - I'm not seeing the unemployable ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this discussion similar to the hyperfocus on sleep training or starting solid foods - there are different ways to get there but every kid learns to sleep and to eat. Parents pour a ton of anxiety and theorizing into something that will shake out pretty much the same for everyone in the end. Even kids who are coddled/stifled at home will find their footing in college or beyond.

FWIW, I have working class parents and my childhood was the opposite of free range. Combo of 80s stranger danger, living on a street without other kids or a way to safely bike anywhere, and parents intent on me going to college. I was in a ton of activities plus private school. My agency didn't suffer and I turned out ok.

Hi I’d like to introduce you to the bats*** crazy current college students. No, the kids are not ok. I will just aim to do whatever their parents did not.

OP here. This is what I’m worried about. A college friend of mine is currently a counseling intern at the campus therapy center of an Ivy. She told me that ~70% of the undergrads at her school go for a counseling appointment at some point, and the rate of students with serious pathology (at the level of, say, a personality disorder) has skyrocketed within the past ten years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if people who grew up poor go to extremes when it comes to getting their kids into the “top 3”, having them in an instructional activity every day chosen by parents and allowing them to apply to colleges with big names as opposed to what’s best suited for the child.

Instead of creating generational wealth with their now high incomes they spend it all in trying to create a perfect child. What happens if that child who you spent about a million dollars on education gets a job that she loves but will always be a middle class income.

Our family has generational wealth and it is such a relief to know my children and their children are taken care of. No one has or will have student loans and they are all allowed to follow their own track.

OP here. That might be it. Since I grew up poor, I feel like I have to compensate for my own kids.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I did a good job with my children, all of whom are in their 20s and doing well socially, financially, and emotionally.

My family is wealthy and our expenses are all about education in its various aspects. We also spent a lot of time with our kids and had a lot of fun, and they had a lot of fun on their own as well - lots of great memories that we still talk about when we get together during the holidays.

In the end, we all just do the best we can. Don't beat yourself up about it.