Talk to me about military school
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Anonymous
yes, this!!! It sounds like my teen son who had undiagnosed ADHD. On meds he is an entirely different kid. |
Anonymous
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It doesn’t sound like depression it sounds like a teen pushing boundaries. A lot of boys in junior high become unmotivated in school. They don’t see the point so they don’t want to wake up to go to school (and often are on phones too late or do homework. The majority of junior high boys don’t read for fun. They want to hang around kids who push boundaries because it is more exciting.
I wish there were an option at public schools to do half day school and half day physical labor. Some boys just find it really hard to be in school. We were so concerned over spring break we sent our junior high age son to a cousin’s ranch in Colorado to do physical labor all day. We thought he would hate it and see it was better to study. He ended up loving it, working hard all day and wanted to drop out and work. Fast forward to high school and now he has doing great. Has good grades and a good group of friends and does a sport. Junior high age is a tough age. There are boarding schools that have a lot of physical activity and adventure that he might like. |
Anonymous
I'm a previous poster and just re-read the OP's second post. Yes, it sounds like OP is a immigrant (frankly, Asian?) OP you need to concentrate your energy on things that really matter. -Drop the fight over pants or other clothing. -Forget about music (99% of American boys want nothing to do with music lessons in high school). The ones that do really love it (which is great but you can't force this!) -Forget about "reading at night". That is about problem #999 on your list (i.e. it doesn't matter at all) The only battle you should even consider fighting is the school work one. Drop the rest immediately. And YES! get the kid evaluated for depression and ADHD. They often go hand-in-hand. Something is going on with him beyond just him being difficult on purpose. |
Anonymous
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I would seek individual as well as family therapy.
I have a nephew who was sent to military school. It did nothing for him. When that failed, they tried several boarding schools. I think he hasn't even gotten his GED yet. He's 26 now and in rehab now. Again. What they didn't try: Therapy. The dad "doesn't believe in it". |
Anonymous
| Trump loved his military school experience. |
Anonymous
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Thanks all for your posts. Correct - Asian immigrant.
This discussion is helpful. I really needed to hear all this. The military school i found is actually military boarding school that costs $$… I don’t want it but I feel like that’s the rational option for the better of all as our structure is not working. The pants thing — he was going to wear loose pants lowered to show underwear — I mean, that’s a no. Else, he can wear whatever he wants… Reading at night — that just makes me sad that it does not happen any more… the good habit is gone. Music - there is lots of evidence kids don’t want to do it but then grow into appreciating it, and being grateful later as adults… H/w — you guys are spot on. This child has ‘moderate adhd.’ Not medicated as parents are afraid of side effects impacting eating — appetite gets lowered…. He has food neofobia - extremely picky eating, and thus we don’t want to impact his growth if his eating gets affected from meds… I know I need to talk to someone to just lower expectations and stop pushing myself, in the first place, to the limit of what I can accomplish in one day. I am not convinced the explanatory variable is adhd alone… I’m afraid of medicating him… lots of behaviors come from school — for example trash talking like some street jargon… Addressing you ‘hey yo, arright’ etc… he sees other kids just doing nothing and wants the same as that’s easy… I’m trying to coach him you have to find self-motivation and what your passion is…. But now whatever I say meets deaf ears… |
Anonymous
| Op here again — I think it’s a combo impact — adhd+teen pushing boundaries via defiance+ a tad of being unkind and plain and simple lazy |
Anonymous
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OP, You have to separate normal teen fashion choices and rebellion from possible executive dysfunction or learning disabilities. Have you considered ADHD? It's very hard for such kids to sleep well, and get themselves organized. This was a constant battle with my severely ADHD teen, particularly in high school when first period starts so horribly early. He's in college now and doing well, because he purposefully picked classes that start at a reasonable time in the morning, and he has extended time accommodations for his inattentive ADHD through the college's disability office. |
Anonymous
| Immigrant here (non-Asian). Op, please understand that your son is growing up in different culture and in different times. You need to change your expectations. Else, you will lose your connection with him. Please get him screened and work with a psychiatrist to manage AdHd medication, which has made a huge difference for my son. |
Anonymous
My kid could hardly eat on meds, but he HAD to be medicated. Sometimes there's no win-win, and it looks like your kid needs at least a low dose of meds. I added heavy whipping cream into my son's morning milk, and tons of olive oil in his pasta, to add extra calories, since he physically couldn't tolerate too much eating and swallowing while on stimulants. You need to meet your kid halfway, otherwise you're going to alienate him. Drop the fashion and speech police, unless it's actual swear words. You need to pay for an executive functioning coach, or more likely, since issues are in the morning and evening, BE the executive functioning coach. Don't abandon him in his hour of need. He has special needs, and he's trying to be independent. It's a terrible combination, but you have to keep in mind what's important: getting him on the meds he can tolerate so he can learn better and focus a bit more on the tasks at hand. This is what matters so he can be as prepared as he can for college. By the time he gets a real job interview, he won't have baggy pants anymore! He won't say "Hey YO!" to the interviewer! But he'll never get the interview if he doesn't have a college degree, so your focus should be getting him through school with decent grades. Many of us have survived parenting such teens, OP. You can do it too. |
Anonymous
Thanks so much for caring and sharing. He has adhd - ‘moderate’. Psychologist recommended to identify meds but we opted not to. I explained above why…. He has all 504 accommodations - more breaks, seat in front, longer time for testing…. I actually think that it was poor nutrition (due to food neofobia) that led to brain development issues and then adhd. |
Anonymous
| What you are describing is 100% ADHD. Brains of people with ADHD have been studied to find that they have less electrical activity in the frontal lobe of their brains. He cannot physically control this, and it is probably getting worse due to puberty hormones. Unmedicated, he will be just as distracted and unmotivated in boarding school as at home. Your concerns about lack of food are very valid, however. Talk to a doctor about the lowest dosage possible to start him off with, and take him to a child nutritionist who can supplement his diet with more calories to make up for any appetite loss. He is not doing this on purpose and is not trying to be a delinquent. His symptoms are just catching up to him. |
Anonymous
ADHD is typically genetic, and you are born with it. It doesn't matter if he was 300 pounds, there would be no changing how his brain works. |
Anonymous
| I am sorry to hear about your struggles. I’m a mom of three teens, one boy with ADHD, and your son’s behavior sounds very much in the realm of “normal” teen boy behavior. New friends, moody, lack of attention to previous interests all totally normal. Also, if your child has food issues, I would think military school wouldn’t help address that. Can’t see a military school catering to picky eater - quite the opposite. That alone would cause me to nix any regimented school. The two kids I know at military school are there because of drug use/addiction. |
Anonymous
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Either treat the ADHD or go to parenting classes to learn effective ways and strategies to parent a kid with ADHD. You can not refuse to give him the tools he needs to function and then be upset about it. It just isn't fair to him. For what it's worth, my kid is on ADHD meds. The first few months he didn't eat much but it did even out eventually. Now he just eats a big breakfast and then again at around 9pm. He |