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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks all for your posts. Correct - Asian immigrant.

This discussion is helpful. I really needed to hear all this.  The military school i found is  actually military boarding school that costs $$…  I don’t want it but I feel like that’s the rational option for the better of all as our structure is not working.

The pants thing — he was going to wear loose pants lowered to show underwear — I mean, that’s a no. Else, he can wear whatever he wants…

Reading at night — that just makes me sad that it does not happen any more… the good habit is gone.

Music - there is lots of evidence kids don’t want to do it but then grow into appreciating it, and being grateful later as adults…

H/w — you guys are spot on. This child has ‘moderate adhd.’ Not medicated as parents are afraid of side effects impacting eating — appetite gets lowered…. He has food neofobia - extremely picky eating, and thus we don’t want to impact his growth if his eating gets affected from meds…

I know I need to talk to someone to just lower expectations and stop pushing myself, in the first place, to the limit of what I can accomplish in one day.

I am not convinced the explanatory variable is adhd alone… I’m afraid of medicating him…  lots of behaviors come from school — for example trash talking like some street jargon…
Addressing you ‘hey yo, arright’ etc… he sees other kids just doing nothing and wants the same as that’s easy… I’m trying to coach him you have to find self-motivation and what your passion is…. But now whatever I say meets deaf ears…

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My kid could hardly eat on meds, but he HAD to be medicated. Sometimes there's no win-win, and it looks like your kid needs at least a low dose of meds. I added heavy whipping cream into my son's morning milk, and tons of olive oil in his pasta, to add extra calories, since he physically couldn't tolerate too much eating and swallowing while on stimulants.

You need to meet your kid halfway, otherwise you're going to alienate him. Drop the fashion and speech police, unless it's actual swear words.

You need to pay for an executive functioning coach, or more likely, since issues are in the morning and evening, BE the executive functioning coach.

Don't abandon him in his hour of need. He has special needs, and he's trying to be independent. It's a terrible combination, but you have to keep in mind what's important: getting him on the meds he can tolerate so he can learn better and focus a bit more on the tasks at hand. This is what matters so he can be as prepared as he can for college. By the time he gets a real job interview, he won't have baggy pants anymore! He won't say "Hey YO!" to the interviewer! But he'll never get the interview if he doesn't have a college degree, so your focus should be getting him through school with decent grades.

Many of us have survived parenting such teens, OP. You can do it too.
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