Blue collar family did not ask for our college admissions insights or advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They didn't know what they didn't know. In that case, if you were able to make the offer without condescension (not clear from your post), I think you could have reached out to them and commiserated about how complicated the process is, and offered to help.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For everyone offended by OPs attitude, you may not get it. A lot of people think that applying to any college is the same; it isn’t. A successful application to George Mason can be ripped out in moments, but not one for a highly selective school. Successfully applying to a highly selective school takes advanced planning and careful application work. Most average families have no clue about this. That’s why they keep going to the same schools and repeating the same patterns of their parents. Half the job of doing better in life is to expand your worldview to know what is possible and how to achieve it.

Wow. Someone even more insufferable than OP. Well done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For everyone offended by OPs attitude, you may not get it. A lot of people think that applying to any college is the same; it isn’t. A successful application to George Mason can be ripped out in moments, but not one for a highly selective school. Successfully applying to a highly selective school takes advanced planning and careful application work. Most average families have no clue about this. That’s why they keep going to the same schools and repeating the same patterns of their parents. Half the job of doing better in life is to expand your worldview to know what is possible and how to achieve it.

Which is why offering some advice (once!) early on can be valuable. But at this point, in the process you are out of the "advanced planning" stage so it's not worth bringing it up. Early on explaining that highly selective schools often offer great financial aid so they might want to try some net price calculators and think about early decision applications could be worthwhile. Outside of the meets-need highly selective schools, your blue collar family probably is right that the $$$ isn't going to work for them. Talking college across siblings in very different life situations can get very touchy since it gets into discussing where you are financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound insufferable, OP. All kinds of people successfully apply to college - not just those "with a track record of college admissions success." Gross.

[phone] OP could be Director for Admissions at Yale and as a relative of hers I wouldn't ask her for help, with all this "blue collar" this and "less sophisticated family members" that. What could be more gross than this post?

[Anonymous]

What mistakes did they make, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For everyone offended by OPs attitude, you may not get it. A lot of people think that applying to any college is the same; it isn’t. A successful application to George Mason can be ripped out in moments, but not one for a highly selective school. Successfully applying to a highly selective school takes advanced planning and careful application work. Most average families have no clue about this. That’s why they keep going to the same schools and repeating the same patterns of their parents. Half the job of doing better in life is to expand your worldview to know what is possible and how to achieve it.

Wow. Someone even more insufferable than OP. Well done!

+1

[Anonymous]

I'd reach out to my brother in private and offer some pointers.

Normally I'm very MYOB, but college application is such a big deal and the experience of ppl who've recently gone through it is very valuable. Offer it once and if he does not take you up on it, then you can drop it for good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound insufferable, OP. All kinds of people successfully apply to college - not just those "with a track record of college admissions success." Gross.

This.

[Anonymous]

I am very knowledgeable about colleges but my spouse's family member did not have any parents who attended college and did not reach out to me despite me offering help. They ended up an out of state public school that requires them to take out loans for a program that is longer than 4 years.....you can't help those who don't want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would much rather be friends with your less sophisticated brother than you. His kids are probably really wonderful nice people who treat everyone the same, even those more sophisticated who can't seem to understand that they are probably a lot happier being less sophisticated than their family members who claim to be more sophisticated.

+1 for whatever reason they didn't want to talk with you about college applications. Your role now is to be supportive of where they are applying. If you really want to be in a position to help in the future, your mindset now is "local state university is awesome!" (I'm assuming that's the school you are currently looking down on since the most likely path for most students is to go to a nearby public university)

If you want to advise, you might advise on things to evaluate when choosing a school and how to be an effective student, like what are office hours and why you should go or let them know you'd be happy to help when they start applying for internships in the next couple years.

[Anonymous]

You seem to think they should have reached out to you since you are fancier. Why didn’t you just reach out to them and say, hey we’ve been through the admission process recently, let us know if you want help. Nothing to do with status but more about recent experience. Not everyone sits around and makes decisions or inquiries based on their family and friends’ financial status.

[Anonymous]

Look, we know there are ways to optimize college admissions, and some approaches are better, and mistakes can be made. HOWever, if OP really cared about this she would have offered 2 years ago when the niece would have started this process. Not post something dripping with condescension about why her idiot brother did not come crawling to the altar of her superiorness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For everyone offended by OPs attitude, you may not get it. A lot of people think that applying to any college is the same; it isn’t. A successful application to George Mason can be ripped out in moments, but not one for a highly selective school. Successfully applying to a highly selective school takes advanced planning and careful application work. Most average families have no clue about this. That’s why they keep going to the same schools and repeating the same patterns of their parents. Half the job of doing better in life is to expand your worldview to know what is possible and how to achieve it.

Thank you for snob-splaining elite college admission to a forum full of people who are in fact very knowledgeable about elite college admission. I can’t even with the “plebes and poors just need to expand their worldview”/ let them eat cake attitude. You need to talk down this forum. Most us do get it. We just also think OP has a terrible attitude toward relatives they consider lesser than. And that OP doesn’t need to talk down or patronizing explain things to her “blue collar” relatives. Having less money doesn’t make them idiots. Any advice worth getting meets people where they are. It never seems to dawn on OP (or you) that different people have have different priorities. And if OP does need to stop, reflect, and accep that a “good” outcome can be measured in a myriad of different way.

Both of you are obnoxious because you think you know what is best for everyone else, and have no clue that other people have different priorities than you and your family. And that not everyone wants to be you or your kids.

— signed UMC DMV whose kids did very well in college admissions by DCUM standards. But, who would never presume to wander around telling other people how to live their lives.

[Anonymous]

Now you got me curious, OP. What would have been your advice to your niece?

[Anonymous]

Something I’ve learned in life is that those who really want something take the initiative to find a way. I’ve tried to save people, including my own kids, from “mistakes” or “learning the hard way,” but it’s oftentimes just not possible. The biggest moat around success is people’s unwillingness to be curious, ask questions, seek advice, explore opportunities, and take action.

Even if OP would have offered help, it probably wouldn’t have made much difference because those on the side of receiving that help probably would not have been willing to do what was necessary to complete the job.