I hate my spouse’s family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is pathetic

What is your purpose for just commenting on every thread with this? Who hurt you?

Huh?

[Anonymous]

I wish someone told me before I got married that you marry their family too so I should have taken a much closer look. His family's mental illness crisis is a show stopper---had I known.

[Anonymous]

Hating clouds your judgement.
I dislike my husband's DIL. She thinks we should fund her every whim because she loves shopping. My son said tonight we have the means to help them but since we help other family members he feels slighted. W T F ????

I will buy my grand daughter gifts for Christmas then I'm not going to keep in touch with them.

[Anonymous]

I got divorced.

[Anonymous]

I love my MIL and FIL - they're genuinely wonderful people. DH's first cousins however, are tacky and loud and awful. They spoil the crap out of their kids and never discipline them at all, letting them break things, spill and rip things, write on walls, throw tantrums to get what they want, etc. One of them asks us for money at every visit, they make snide comments about their parents and that generation even when they're being hosted by them.

We just spend minimal time with them and remind our kids not to copy bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

We moved across the country. If we had not, I don’t think our marriage would’ve survived TBH.

[Anonymous]

My husband saw the light and has since cut them off.

When we met I was struck by how different from his family he was. His family was a huge red flag for me and I mentioned it to him. He said he had spent his whole life trying not to be like them and I could see that. I proceeded cautiously until I was certain he wasn't going to turn into one of them.

He hasn't to this day and a few years ago he cut them off after an episode of verbal abuse hurled at me at the lowest point in my life. There is no way we would have made it if he didn't call them out on their BS and didn't stick up for what is right. Cutting them off has been great but even before when we dealt with them he refused to put with their ridiculousness and that's how I could deal with it.

If he had sided with them or ignored their behavior I wouldn't have stayed with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly-it’s becoming enough for me to question if I can really deal with it anymore.

My in-laws are pretty much worst case scenario. They are terrible in laws and terrible grandparents.

They are narcissistic and just miserable to be around. And they are local so I see them way more than I’d like.

And my spouses’ siblings are just as bad. My spouse has some of the awful traits of each of them but in a much more tolerable form. He minimizes the totally inappropriate things his family does and says. And I am reaching my limit. We have been married for 10 years. If you have a situation similar how do you deal with it? Or did it eventually ruin your marriage?

Same here. So self centered and rude and bizarre. I especially cannot stand all their lying.

They literally come over, go through folders and desks and tip things up and then turn around and lie about it. This was more from the Doofus type, but still it was a team homework project for my tween and her math class. FIL just couldn’t resist going through it and forgetting it was it important or to ask about it first so he ripped the card stock project in half and threw out (or kept) the bottom. And it’s on security camera.

Daughter went to Dad and he’s covering for his Dad and throwing little sister under the bus.

Again it’s all in security camera and the 10 yo knows better.

I need a glass of wine just thinking about all their nutjob lying and gaslighting.

I mean, what do you call lying and gaslighting when it so obviously made up and delusional?

How and why could you stay married to someone like that?! How awful for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my MIL and FIL - they're genuinely wonderful people. DH's first cousins however, are tacky and loud and awful. They spoil the crap out of their kids and never discipline them at all, letting them break things, spill and rip things, write on walls, throw tantrums to get what they want, etc. One of them asks us for money at every visit, they make snide comments about their parents and that generation even when they're being hosted by them.

We just spend minimal time with them and remind our kids not to copy bad behavior.

This is so minimal and I feel like every family has these kind of people. Like honestly how much do these people affect your daily life? I cant imagine you are seeing “cousins” that often?

[Anonymous]

I can’t stand spending time with my in laws, though they are perfectly nice people. This is mostly a me issue (except some ignorant comments that are probably objectively awful). They are just the complete opposite of me and value different things. I encourage DH and the kids to spend time with them, preferably without me, but I will see them if I need to. I have kids and hope they won’t cut off contact with me because their spouses don’t like me.
In hindsight I do wish I would have spent time with them before we got married and not married into that family.

[Anonymous]

"I cant stand my inlaws too" .. this is almost every DW comment. They almost always force DH to cut ties. This is a pattern and I truly hope all these DW pay the price once their DS gets married and they are "cut off"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I cant stand my inlaws too" .. this is almost every DW comment. They almost always force DH to cut ties. This is a pattern and I truly hope all these DW pay the price once their DS gets married and they are "cut off"

Amen sister.

[Anonymous]

My MIL ie crazy I just don’t engage: I am not rude only give appropriate concise responses when required.

They are local she will come to our house and not even say hi to me: Then if others are around she acts like we are best friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL ie crazy I just don’t engage: I am not rude only give appropriate concise responses when required.

They are local she will come to our house and not even say hi to me: Then if others are around she acts like we are best friends.

Fixed it for you
My DIL is crazy I just don’t engage: I am not rude only give appropriate concise responses when required.

They are local she will come to our house and not even say hi to me: Then if others are around she acts like we are best friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I cant stand my inlaws too" .. this is almost every DW comment. They almost always force DH to cut ties. This is a pattern and I truly hope all these DW pay the price once their DS gets married and they are "cut off"

The vast majority of the time, the problem lies with the husband/son. A lot of grown men do a very poor job of communicating with their parents, in all respects. Most women both (1) make sure to keep their parents involved/reassured and feeling loved/valued yet also (2) have no problem setting boundaries- which their parents are more likely to accept due to #1.

Unfortunately many grown sons don’t do much of #1…which causes their parents to get upset, feel pushed ignored or pushed aside and become pushy/forceful. Sometimes escalating to outright tantrums and manipulative behaviors. Any boundary the husband does try to set- even if reasonable- is then taken poorly.

The DIL gets the blame for their own grown son being too lazy to maintain his own family relations, and the resulting
poor relationships mean any reasonable boundary is seen as war by DIL (even if it was their son’s idea). ILs become hostile to DIL and then DIL rightly puts up boundaries and/or disengages.

No idea how this dynamic can be fixed or prevented, but it is certainly very common. It isn’t that women “hate their in-laws” from day 1 by any means. The bad relations are usually a result of the DH doing a poor job handling his extended family/parents.