If you know your DIL/son-in-law dislikes you…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it weren't for my MIL being hell bent on living with us while I was already overwhelmed with little children and hubby struggling to building a career. I was fine with financially supporting them but being physically responsible for two old people with deteriorating health while they had other kids and a home with servants in their home country.

Wow. Your spouse’s parents (who I assume raised him and love him) are “old people with deteriorating health.” You will send money their way but don’t want to deal with their physical presence. Just wow. Maybe you should find some balance in your life so you can be just a tiny bit more compassionate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it weren't for my MIL being hell bent on living with us while I was already overwhelmed with little children and hubby struggling to building a career. I was fine with financially supporting them but being physically responsible for two old people with deteriorating health while they had other kids and a home with servants in their home country.

Wow. Your spouse’s parents (who I assume raised him and love him) are “old people with deteriorating health.” You will send money their way but don’t want to deal with their physical presence. Just wow. Maybe you should find some balance in your life so you can be just a tiny bit more compassionate.

DP It is attitudes like yours that continue to reinforce toxic expectations of women - that women should ignore their own needs to accommodate others. It's a symptom of internalized sexism.

The PP clearly states she was overwhelmed and her DH was struggling. Her ILs had acceptable options other than living with the PP. Their desires should not have trumped the PP's needs. PP was trying to set a healthy boundary. Her DH should have joined her (I'd be pissed at him) but I don't blame her for disliking her ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it weren't for my MIL being hell bent on living with us while I was already overwhelmed with little children and hubby struggling to building a career. I was fine with financially supporting them but being physically responsible for two old people with deteriorating health while they had other kids and a home with servants in their home country.

Wow. Your spouse’s parents (who I assume raised him and love him) are “old people with deteriorating health.” You will send money their way but don’t want to deal with their physical presence. Just wow. Maybe you should find some balance in your life so you can be just a tiny bit more compassionate.

Its not a matter of compassion, just of logistics. If they didn't have other options, it would've been an actual compassion issue. They had their own home and homes of other children with full time house help and health aides. I had neither, not a nanny to free me for eldercare. You can only stretch yourself so much if your spouse (their son) has a traveling job.

[Anonymous]

*$ goes a long way in low cost countries, not so much in US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it weren't for my MIL being hell bent on living with us while I was already overwhelmed with little children and hubby struggling to building a career. I was fine with financially supporting them but being physically responsible for two old people with deteriorating health while they had other kids and a home with servants in their home country.

Wow. Your spouse’s parents (who I assume raised him and love him) are “old people with deteriorating health.” You will send money their way but don’t want to deal with their physical presence. Just wow. Maybe you should find some balance in your life so you can be just a tiny bit more compassionate.

DP It is attitudes like yours that continue to reinforce toxic expectations of women - that women should ignore their own needs to accommodate others. It's a symptom of internalized sexism.

The PP clearly states she was overwhelmed and her DH was struggling. Her ILs had acceptable options other than living with the PP. Their desires should not have trumped the PP's needs. PP was trying to set a healthy boundary. Her DH should have joined her (I'd be pissed at him) but I don't blame her for disliking her ILs.

This^. Sacrificing yourself at the alter of someone's whims is lack of compassion but for yourself not for them. These relations are two way streets.

[Anonymous]

Pretty weird that OP asks for people who have a DIL or SIL to respond and gets almost exclusively posts from MORE people who hate their MIL. You all really should form a support group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty weird that OP asks for people who have a DIL or SIL to respond and gets almost exclusively posts from MORE people who hate their MIL. You all really should form a support group.

Do you have a SIL or DIL? What's your input about original question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty weird that OP asks for people who have a DIL or SIL to respond and gets almost exclusively posts from MORE people who hate their MIL. You all really should form a support group.

Do you have a SIL or DIL? What's your input about original question?

I used to have a DIL until my son divorced her. She always seemed to like me and often praised how I raised my son. We were not close however because as the marriage continued she changed in many ways, all negative. The ways she changed did not affect me other than in my concern for my son. By the time my son divorced her it was a great relief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it weren't for my MIL being hell bent on living with us while I was already overwhelmed with little children and hubby struggling to building a career. I was fine with financially supporting them but being physically responsible for two old people with deteriorating health while they had other kids and a home with servants in their home country.

Wow. Your spouse’s parents (who I assume raised him and love him) are “old people with deteriorating health.” You will send money their way but don’t want to deal with their physical presence. Just wow. Maybe you should find some balance in your life so you can be just a tiny bit more compassionate.

DP It is attitudes like yours that continue to reinforce toxic expectations of women - that women should ignore their own needs to accommodate others. It's a symptom of internalized sexism.

The PP clearly states she was overwhelmed and her DH was struggling. Her ILs had acceptable options other than living with the PP. Their desires should not have trumped the PP's needs. PP was trying to set a healthy boundary. Her DH should have joined her (I'd be pissed at him) but I don't blame her for disliking her ILs.

+1