Mom enraged that I will not rescue the addict now or when she is gone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am blown away by how much I relate to everyone's responses. Yes, I have to protect my children and spouse from this madness. it's amazing how I get blamed when I have nothing to with her. Apparently she would be magically cured if i were sucked into this all, yet back when I got sucked in all it did was bring me down. I will have to see if I can join Al Anon anonymously online.

“Magically cured” resonates with me, OP. It’s my SIL in this case and my MIL, who is otherwise wonderful, truly believes that SIL will be ok if my DH and I let her back into our lives. No, she won’t. She was scary and unpredictabie and just as ill when she was in our lives which is why she no longer is. I can see it from MIL’s perspective- SIL has always been mentally ill and I would be heartbroken if I couldn’t “fix” my own child- but the expectation that SIL should be accommodated rather than treated is insane. We drew the line when she attempted to smother our baby with a pillow as a “joke”. MIL told us that surely wasn’t what she intended and to at least take her calls or visit. No, no, no.

OP, people will not understand the stance you are taking. People without mental illness and addiction in their families will question you and maybe even accuse you of being a bad person, so share your family story and struggles very carefully. DCUM shouldn’t be your only safe place, but I am so grateful to the people here who understood my situation and gave me actionable advice to keep my family safe.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry OP I understand

You take care of you and stand your ground

I have been you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother is mentally ill and beyond your help just as much as your sister is. Maybe that's the part you were missing before that you must accept now.

So I think you need to learn to be OK with:

1. being the target of her ire on the very rare times you decide to engage, instead of ignoring her calls, texts and emails.

2. not having any contact with either of them.

Ops mother probably has a lot to do with why the addict became an addict and stays addicting. Mom is harassing OP because she needs help continuing to enable the addicts addiction

OP just tell your mom that you don't want to help her continue to enable the addicts addiction.

If she freaks out tell her she sounds mentally ill and she needs therapy.

[Anonymous]

Can totally relate. Block your toxic family members and don’t look back.