DS hates his main teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel for you, OP. School refusal and a developing hatred of school is not good and you do want to address it, but that doesn’t mean there’s a possible action on the part of the school. You may have to take the action of pulling your kid out mid-year because the school is such a bad fit that it is harming your child.

But if we pull him out mid year we can’t go back next year, right? And next year would likely be better because he wouldn’t have this teacher? The school is great for him otherwise - but I don’t know how we will make it through this year. We left public school because he wasn’t getting accommodations he needed for a medical issue and because it was overall really big and overwhelming for him. Public middle schools are so huge, sigh.

We’re only 3 months into the school year and there’s more than 6 months left. If your son is already starting to refuse school, it’s going to be so much worse by the end of the year that a better teacher next year may be too late. But no, if you pull him out mid-year, the school is very unlikely to welcome you back next year unless they are desperate for students. Talk to the school because you have nothing to lose. The situation as you describe it is untenable.

[Anonymous]

Really??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really??

What post is this aimed at?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel for you, OP. School refusal and a developing hatred of school is not good and you do want to address it, but that doesn’t mean there’s a possible action on the part of the school. You may have to take the action of pulling your kid out mid-year because the school is such a bad fit that it is harming your child.

But if we pull him out mid year we can’t go back next year, right? And next year would likely be better because he wouldn’t have this teacher? The school is great for him otherwise - but I don’t know how we will make it through this year. We left public school because he wasn’t getting accommodations he needed for a medical issue and because it was overall really big and overwhelming for him. Public middle schools are so huge, sigh.

Not in private, no. If you've been labeled as a difficult parent/child you don't get any auto to return. The privates have many other full pay applicants they can accept (since covid).

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like the school is a "great fit" OP; many private schools are more authoritarian and it sounds like this teacher fits that mold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In our previous public school, it was possible for the right reasons to change classes if there was not a good teacher fit and it was substantially hurting a kids learning. We are at this point with this teacher so would have requested it if that were still an option.

My kids problems with this teacher are that he publicly shames kids, he “yells” at them, he acts as though everything they do is wrong. The kids in his class feel constantly criticized and undermined. But The school leadership seems to really like this teacher and he is the only male teacher. So, I worry they will say this is your kids problem - not a problem with the teacher.

And maybe it is my kids problem as some other poster mentioned. But how do you know when it is your kids problem and when the teacher is really not a nice teacher and should change some behaviors? And even if it is my child’s problem, how do I address it? Pull him out of the school? The school is a great fit otherwise.

It could be a teacher problem and a kid problem, but if the teacher problem won’t be addressed, the only option is for the kid to make some changes. This is good life practice. You can’t always switch bosses or immediately quit a boss you don’t like. Sometimes you need six months to find something new.

I would get the child a good therapist in order to build good problem solving skills. Your child is not a preschooler where the child is so helpless the environment needs to accommodate your child. Your child is old enough to figure out how to manage a bad situation for six months.

[Anonymous]

He will have to back to public. If he’s refusing to go to school, you are throwing money down the drain and the situation is unlikely to change. Have you tried talking to the school? What do they think? Maybe a one on one with this teacher and your son may help to diffuse the situation.

[Anonymous]

I find it hard to believe that this is a teacher problem. Sorry. We’re talking about a kid who was recently switched from public to private. Why the switch? Let me guess: the kid/parent wasn’t happy there either. There’s more going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In our previous public school, it was possible for the right reasons to change classes if there was not a good teacher fit and it was substantially hurting a kids learning. We are at this point with this teacher so would have requested it if that were still an option.

My kids problems with this teacher are that he publicly shames kids, he “yells” at them, he acts as though everything they do is wrong. The kids in his class feel constantly criticized and undermined. But The school leadership seems to really like this teacher and he is the only male teacher. So, I worry they will say this is your kids problem - not a problem with the teacher.

And maybe it is my kids problem as some other poster mentioned. But how do you know when it is your kids problem and when the teacher is really not a nice teacher and should change some behaviors? And even if it is my child’s problem, how do I address it? Pull him out of the school? The school is a great fit otherwise.

This is what you take to the school counselor and ask for help sorting. You tell them about the school refusal, etc. and tell them you need help with a fuller picture. Kids are not reliable reporters and you shouldn't take your kid's word for it around how the other students experience the teacher.

How many times have you had classes changed for your kid before? You might have unknowingly set up a situation where your DS expects you to swoop in and force adjustments if they express enough unhappiness.

Kids are going to have teachers they don't gel with. Middle school is the time to start learning coping skills for navigating that. The answer for every tough teacher/student relationship isn't cut and run.

[Anonymous]

You are paying for this education if it is really as bad as your kid says, then action needs to be taken. Request a conference with the teacher, you & your kid, and the HoS. Work together to find a solution.

[Anonymous]

Don’t pull him out. Honestly, sometimes in life, you have to deal with troublesome bosses or coworkers and you need to learn how to cope. If this teacher is treating all the kids that way, then rally a bunch of parents to get together and go talk to him. It is precisely because it is private school that you can take charge of the situation and demand better treatment go through the head of school, go see the school counselor be frank about what your child is reporting.