DS hates his main teacher

[Anonymous]

DS is in middle school at a small private school. While the kids change classes and teachers throughout the day, there is one main teacher for his class that he hates. We are new to private school. When he was in public school, I would have lobbied for him to be changed to a different classroom with a different teacher. But that is not a possibility here because all of the kids in his grade have this teacher. This situation is so severe it is causing school refusal, lack of doing homework, and a hatred of school.

How should I handle this? Meet with the teacher? Meet with the principal?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it’s the kids problem and not the teachers.

[Anonymous]

Why?

[Anonymous]

Is this school in nova?

[Anonymous]

OP we need more information. A middle schooler is old enough to verbalize feelings and information beyond “I hate her.”

Why?

[Anonymous]

I would consider moving back to public...what made you leave in the first place? This may be more than just this one teacher (although it sounds like he's focused on that) May have exchanged one set of problems for another

[Anonymous]

I don't get it. Public school makes kids stay in class with chair throwers but lets you switch classes just because your kid doesn't like the teacher?

[Anonymous]

If he just doesn’t like her, there’s not anything the school can do if she’s the only teacher for that grade. Stick it out or move to public mid-year and try again somewhere else next year.

If there’s actually something you think it actionable, like she treats him differently or dismissively or doesn’t meet accommodations or whatever, you can think about what action you’d like to ask of the school (realistically—asking the teacher to do or not do something specific that the school holds her accountable for) and meet with the teacher first to Kay out your concerns and requests, escalating to the principle only if she is dismissive or unresponsive or the problem continues. But there absolutely has to be a concrete concern that can be addressed with specific action by the teacher, because there’s no option but this teacher. Personality mismatch isn’t an actionable problem that the teacher or school can address.

[Anonymous]

I do feel for you, OP. School refusal and a developing hatred of school is not good and you do want to address it, but that doesn’t mean there’s a possible action on the part of the school. You may have to take the action of pulling your kid out mid-year because the school is such a bad fit that it is harming your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is in middle school at a small private school. While the kids change classes and teachers throughout the day, there is one main teacher for his class that he hates. We are new to private school. When he was in public school, I would have lobbied for him to be changed to a different classroom with a different teacher. But that is not a possibility here because all of the kids in his grade have this teacher. This situation is so severe it is causing school refusal, lack of doing homework, and a hatred of school.

How should I handle this? Meet with the teacher? Meet with the principal?

Hate is a strong word.

[Anonymous]

OP here. In our previous public school, it was possible for the right reasons to change classes if there was not a good teacher fit and it was substantially hurting a kids learning. We are at this point with this teacher so would have requested it if that were still an option.

My kids problems with this teacher are that he publicly shames kids, he “yells” at them, he acts as though everything they do is wrong. The kids in his class feel constantly criticized and undermined. But The school leadership seems to really like this teacher and he is the only male teacher. So, I worry they will say this is your kids problem - not a problem with the teacher.

And maybe it is my kids problem as some other poster mentioned. But how do you know when it is your kids problem and when the teacher is really not a nice teacher and should change some behaviors? And even if it is my child’s problem, how do I address it? Pull him out of the school? The school is a great fit otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like it’s the kids problem and not the teachers.

No, it doesn't actually. I've had my share of tired, cranky teachers in private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do feel for you, OP. School refusal and a developing hatred of school is not good and you do want to address it, but that doesn’t mean there’s a possible action on the part of the school. You may have to take the action of pulling your kid out mid-year because the school is such a bad fit that it is harming your child.

But if we pull him out mid year we can’t go back next year, right? And next year would likely be better because he wouldn’t have this teacher? The school is great for him otherwise - but I don’t know how we will make it through this year. We left public school because he wasn’t getting accommodations he needed for a medical issue and because it was overall really big and overwhelming for him. Public middle schools are so huge, sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. Public school makes kids stay in class with chair throwers but lets you switch classes just because your kid doesn't like the teacher?

'''/

Did you go to middle school here in the states? Surely you must know that there is homeroom and all the other classes are taught by subject. The students rotate through to specialized teachers, french, spanish, science, advanced math etc.

[Anonymous]

The school is not a great fit if the teacher yells at and belittles children and your son is starting to refuse to go to school. If the teacher’s behavior really is as bad as you say, it is worth bringing up to the school before you leave, but if they won’t do anything, you need to leave. What a horrible environment to force your child into. If the teacher is that bad, there are likely other parents unhappy about it too. If several of you approach the school they might be more likely to listen. But any school that outright condones yelling at and belittling children is going to see an exodus of unhappy families.