How do I get my mother to show some appreciation?
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Anonymous
| OP, you need to stop looking for appreciation for a woman who has lost independence, is facing her own mortality, and probably senses your "hero" complex that now isn't being fulfilled. |
Anonymous
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1. Why the heck were you expecting any gratitude?!?! Elderly people are grasping toddlers. 2. You never move in your elderly parent with you if you are not a special, magnanimous, breed of human with abundant resources of patience and time. |
Anonymous
How does me wanting appreciation from someone I'm choosing to help equate to me hating or resenting them? |
Anonymous
| She owes you nothing |
Anonymous
I never said she did. I haven't asked to leave me anything in her will or to even help around the house. Words are enough, as is a smile. |
Anonymous
I have actually thanked her many times. |
Anonymous
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I know it’s too late for this year but I’d look into an over 55 community with continuous care.
You lived with her because you were a minor. She needs to be somewhere that knows her needs, has activities and can provide her with friendships. |
Anonymous
No, there's a minority group of adult women who have problems with their mothers. The issue is that they are very vocal about their problems and complaining. So a very vocal minority that makes it seem like there are a lot more problems than there really are. |
Anonymous
She appreciates the care that keeps her from going to a nursing home. But the fact that you want verbal acknowledgment the issue. Dependents don't always see that they need to acknowledge and show appreciation for care from there caretakers. Children don't usually know that they should be appreciative until they are adults. But when they are dependent, they don't always realize if there is an expectation or acknowledgment or gratitude. Likewise, seniors will often be caught up with the ailments and loss of freedoms and loss of health and may be self-consumed with their ever shrinking world and not be able to see past their personal issues to know that they should acknowledge or show appreciation. I agree with the PP who said that rather than expect verbal gratitude or appreciation, that you should stop and have conversations with her. You can ask if she's comfortable, if she's happy or if she needs anything. You can say that you are trying to make things as comfortable as possible for her and that type of comment can usually trigger the acknowledgment and appreciation that you seem to need. We had to care for my brother-in-law in our home for several months before he passed. We both worked hard to make sure that he was comfortable and had what he needed. The fact that he was comfortable and was so much happier and better off than the period when he was in rehabilitation center, was thanks enough. We could tell by his disposition and attitude that he appreciated it. In the facility, he was somber and depressed. When he was home, he was happier and more engaged and less reclusive. His behavior was thanks enough for us. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like a huge life change. She probably misses her home, her independence, her routine, friends, pretty much everything. |
Anonymous
| She's been there a few weeks ago or 2 months? Troll fail. |
Anonymous
Math aint mathin. |