What to do when your autistic kid's fixation is money and he sounds super entitled

[Anonymous]

If you feel the fixation has inappropriate portions, you should absolutely address it. My ASD kid is an adult now, but it's what I did whenever his obsessions led him into dicey territory: he was, and is, obsessed with history and geopolitics, and he's learned, through me, to *check his opinions carefully through a social lens* regarding the actions of certain historical figures and current war events. If you get my drift.

Not all kid ideas always have to be supported, and for ASD kids it's even more important, given how far they can go into an idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is he watching on youtube?

TikTok, but yeah, this.

[Anonymous]

I like the PP's idea of giving him a budget and planning an imaginary trip together.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a fixation on “luxury,” not on money. Not that I know how to counter it, but I wonder if the approach should be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds like a fixation on “luxury,” not on money. Not that I know how to counter it, but I wonder if the approach should be different.

I guess what I’m saying is maybe instead of a budget, he should do a deep dive on the hotel business to better understand the “value.” Value in quotes there not because it’s dumb, I just mean understanding the literal costs and margins vs the sort of marketing feeling. Or the business of luxury clothing, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

I have two male adults in my life who are possible grownup versions of your son.

One is autistic and continues his special interest in money/luxury brands in a pretty socially acceptable way by earning a decent salary and having a travel-heavy job that he uses to accumulate massive amounts of miles and points. He will only go on vacations if he can use his miles and points and is very clever about how he uses credit cards for bonuses. He is very weird about used cars, mid-range hotels in the kind of random places you have to stay for a family wedding or a sports tournament, restaurants that are local/holes in the wall, etc. Visible signs of status comfort him because a lot of the subtleties of socioeconomic standing and socializing are mysterious to him. He also enjoys the “collecting” aspect that another PP mentioned.

The other relative was fixated on luxury/money to the point that he had a compulsion to steal from teachers at a very young age, would hoard cash “found” in his house or relatives’ houses, and would steal cash gifts from siblings’ piggy banks. He channeled his need to be luxury and wealth-adjacent by having a client-facing job in a design field serving rich clients, so he gets to spend other people’s money.

[Anonymous]

i would submit that the subtleties of socioeconomic standing and socializing are mysterious to very large numbers of people.
That's why you get people overtly showing off about cars they have and obsessing about napkins and cutlery and table manners bc they lack an understanding of the more subtle 'tells' that have nothing to do with what pants you wear to dinner (i still think about the poster who was super bent out of shape about someone wearing sweats to her house). So i think an interest in those aspects is very common even among the nt population. wealth and status are seen as gateways to friends and romance. if you sense you might not be a natural george clooney, it's biologically smart to learn to hack or buy your way up the food chain.

[Anonymous]

The issue here is that he not demean others for their choices, so make sure that is not happening. He does not understand what brands really are, and how the same food can be repackaged and sold more expensively, with no real difference. I’m sure there is a book or video somewhere that explains branding and advertising.

I’d also start doing some community service, like helping at a food bank, to bring home the point that everyone needs help somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure this an autism thing?

This doesn't sound like it.

An autism thing about money is counting money, not acting snooty about luxury.

That last part is about being a 10 yr old. They watch videos about extreme spending by NBA players or Mr. Beast eating the most expensive foods, expensive hotels (they show the lowest end hotels too). The kids at school discuss Jordans, Gucci suits and golden Lamborghinis. I was mortified back then but it is common among their peers. I promise they learn to tone it down or get over it but call them out when they're being obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Every person mentioned on this thread that is money or luxury obsessed sounds dreadful.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should nip this in the bud, because if I encountered your son I’d assume that he learned these viewpoints at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every person mentioned on this thread that is money or luxury obsessed sounds dreadful.

10 year old boys sound dreadful? They have no clue what they're talking about. When I was a kid the boys liked buying posters with fancy cars. You realize the kids don't actually have any of these things?

[Anonymous]

My son isn't Autistic and I translate fancy items into hours worked at minimum wage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should nip this in the bud, because if I encountered your son I’d assume that he learned these viewpoints at home.

DP
Ha!
I would never make that assumption (it's not racism or religion, it's a passing trend of interest). Ds used to be into branded luxury he learned about (not from me). He said I should have a fancier purse but when I said that luxury brand printed things were tacky he quickly listed which teachers and friends moms owned those items. I bit my tongue because the last thing I need is him repeating that and offending others.