What to do when your autistic kid's fixation is money and he sounds super entitled

[Anonymous]

My autistic son (age 10) is super into money. We're upper middle class, but I grew up poorer, and my son sounds super entitled at times. He likes looking up fancy hotel rooms, tells me the cost of first class tickets is "worth it," and has even shown reluctance to eat food I purchase from Costco. We always fly coach, we stay at Marriott-level hotels, etc., but I think a few random certificates dad has redeemed for nicer hotel stays has whetted my kid's appetite.

It's a fixation that's really upsetting me. I can generally tolerate the obsessions, but this one rubs me the wrong way.

I want to respond positively, but I just don't know how to do that.

[Anonymous]

For looking up the prices of fancy hotel rooms, daydream with him. "Yes, that does look like a beautiful hotel! Yes, I bet it would be fun to fly in the fancy seats!" Unless you are actively planning a vacation, he's just enjoying a special interest and it's not hurting anyone.

For the food, ask him what specifically he doesn't like about it.

[Anonymous]

This is a situation where it’s appropriate to break it down exactly why it’s rude to fixate on money. He does not know. It’s uncomfortable and you’re the only person who can spell it out for your son. Being clear is kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My autistic son (age 10) is super into money. We're upper middle class, but I grew up poorer, and my son sounds super entitled at times. He likes looking up fancy hotel rooms, tells me the cost of first class tickets is "worth it," and has even shown reluctance to eat food I purchase from Costco. We always fly coach, we stay at Marriott-level hotels, etc., but I think a few random certificates dad has redeemed for nicer hotel stays has whetted my kid's appetite.

It's a fixation that's really upsetting me. I can generally tolerate the obsessions, but this one rubs me the wrong way.

I want to respond positively, but I just don't know how to do that.

How old? That’s challenging enough with a NT kid but with a NT kid they kind of make the connection when it’s not other people’s money they are spending…

Is it only big ticket items he is obsessed with? If it’s smaller stuff (I.e name brand food instead of generic) maybe give him an allowance and try to teach him to budget for those items? Or save over time for something more expensive like, say, a gaming system?

[Anonymous]

“Sweetie, when you are an adult and have a job, you’ll be able to make these choices.” Then, change the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a situation where it’s appropriate to break it down exactly why it’s rude to fixate on money. He does not know. It’s uncomfortable and you’re the only person who can spell it out for your son. Being clear is kind.

+1

And you might have to resort to the "it's okay that you disagree, but it's still a norm, this is the expected behavior, and you have to go with it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My autistic son (age 10) is super into money. We're upper middle class, but I grew up poorer, and my son sounds super entitled at times. He likes looking up fancy hotel rooms, tells me the cost of first class tickets is "worth it," and has even shown reluctance to eat food I purchase from Costco. We always fly coach, we stay at Marriott-level hotels, etc., but I think a few random certificates dad has redeemed for nicer hotel stays has whetted my kid's appetite.

It's a fixation that's really upsetting me. I can generally tolerate the obsessions, but this one rubs me the wrong way.

I want to respond positively, but I just don't know how to do that.

Can you redirect him to the stock market?

[Anonymous]

Can you give him a real or fake budget to plan a vacation and see what he comes up with.

What about budgeting and finances? Checking account might be a good thing to get. You can start including him in family budget/finance discussions even if he’s only observing he’s sure to learn something if you do this regularly. Check library for kids finance books.

As PP suggested maybe introduce him to the stock market. Can you give him a couple hundred bucks and let him learn about and choose some investment options?

What about numismatics. Usmint has some kids kits to learn about collecting, and mint sets are fairly inexpensive if you’re looking for a Christmas present. Can take to coin shows or auctions to expand this interest along with magazines, books, videos. auctionzip for auctions in your area.

If he’s into the fancy hotels maybe he’d like design. Take him to a design showroom and see if that piques his interest. Take him to a fancy hotel lobby and see what exactly interests him.

I agree you need to teach social skills around bragging and not talking about money, or when you can talk about money and those nuances. I would also channel this interest into an opportunity to teach a life skill or pick up a new hobby.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure this an autism thing?

This doesn't sound like it.

An autism thing about money is counting money, not acting snooty about luxury.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's responding to his rich spendthrift peers and imitating them is less subtle way.

You may not be spendy and showy but your neighbors are.
Do you live in Potomac/Bethesda?

[Anonymous]

i would be very thoughtful about this.
If an autistic person is going to have obsessions, then money is probably the best one. You dont want him to stop being obsessed with money (if it is his special interest and he is academically inclined then AMAZING). You want to teach him how to talk about it in polite society. But I would be very wary of making him feel like being obsessed with it is 'wrong'. I am obsessed with money! If i weren't IDK how I'd make myself do my very stressful and annoying job. Obsession with money is what makes a lot of other things tolerable in life. So let him be into first class tix (1st class is great!). Just teach him he can talk about it at home but be mindful that some ppl do not have lots of money so maybe in public we are mindful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure this an autism thing?

This doesn't sound like it.

An autism thing about money is counting money, not acting snooty about luxury.

My best friend’s son is autistic and his obsession is travel. Airports, planes, trains, hotels, etc.

My non-autistic cousin is a wanna be influencer and she is obsessed with rewards points and credit cards and luxury vacations.

Weirdly my conversations with each of them have significant overlaps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure this an autism thing?

This doesn't sound like it.

An autism thing about money is counting money, not acting snooty about luxury.

My best friend’s son is autistic and his obsession is travel. Airports, planes, trains, hotels, etc.

My non-autistic cousin is a wanna be influencer and she is obsessed with rewards points and credit cards and luxury vacations.

Weirdly my conversations with each of them have significant overlaps.

I will add that for both of them it is like a collecting impulse. Collecting boarding passes with all the US airport codes, collecting countries, staying at every Marriott and analyzing the differences between properties, etc.

[Anonymous]

What is he watching on youtube?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My autistic son (age 10) is super into money. We're upper middle class, but I grew up poorer, and my son sounds super entitled at times. He likes looking up fancy hotel rooms, tells me the cost of first class tickets is "worth it," and has even shown reluctance to eat food I purchase from Costco. We always fly coach, we stay at Marriott-level hotels, etc., but I think a few random certificates dad has redeemed for nicer hotel stays has whetted my kid's appetite.

It's a fixation that's really upsetting me. I can generally tolerate the obsessions, but this one rubs me the wrong way.

I want to respond positively, but I just don't know how to do that.

My husband (not autistic but OCD) also has an obsession with luxury - esp hotels and flying first class - and works in investment banking. For him, he’s scared of germs in new places and really nice places feel cleaner to him. For the flying first class, he’s tall and he likes being taken care of (I grew up MC and am so not this way fwiw). I would ask him what he likes about each as his answer may surprise you.

And do all the budgeting and finance stuff suggested. Lots of life skills here and investing and saving money is a great to promote.