Caught in between someone else's divorce

[Anonymous]

Just stay out of the house as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you learning how to use punctuation as part of this education?

#ftw ily

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you move out?

I'm a full time student and not currently working, been living off of savings from when I was working FT. I'll be done in a few months, but finding a rental is a bit of a nightmare without a job. I was renting when I was working, and moved in with them last year when they bought the house. Cheaper renting from family and whatnot

I could get a job and move out, but I don't see the point if their partner is going to move out anyways? I can stay on, help with the mortgage (maybe I co-own with my sibling and we buy out their partner?), provide emotional support. We don't have any other family left that we're actually close with, it's just us.

I'm going to need a job either way, but I don't have it in me to leave my sibling like that when their life is falling apart

This is a bad idea. Divorce is traumatic. Your sibling needs to have time to heal before making any big decisions. Hard to do that when you have this plan that happens to benefit you considerably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sibling's partner started having an affair soon after they got married a couple years ago, everyone only just found out, divorce seems likely. I live with them, can't move out, and there's no other family around. No kids involved. Any tips on living with a couple that's going through a divorce?

I think the partner's going to move out, so it won't be forever

Don't know if I should be taking sides, but I've been living with them (on and off) for a few years, and I've seen this relationship play out pretty closely. It's just surreal and I don't think my sibling deserved this, they really gave everything they had to the relationship. Everyone's trying to keep it amicable, but I can't help but be angry at sibling's (ex) partner

My advice is MYOB

[Anonymous]

Wow, people are being over-the-top mean to OP and projecting SO much. Your answers are basically irrelevant to OP, because they are not really about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you learning how to use punctuation as part of this education?

You are cruel an cruel and condescending to mention punctuation. I bet you have very few friends.

[Anonymous]

Be supportive of your sibling. Divorce is usually very traumatic. Maybe you can pick up more household duties for a while like meal planning and cooking for you and sibling.

There’s got to be enough tension in the place so don’t add to it. Don’t confront the cheating spouse. Stay out of it unless sibling wants your help with something.

[Anonymous]

Are you the older sister to a younger brother?

Do you treat him like a husband? My aunt is like this to my dad and that enmeshment completely destroyed my parents marriage. My mom was always the third wheel.

Everyone will be better off if you just go ahead and move out asap and end the entanglement in your brothers life.

[Anonymous]

Why not ask your sister

[Anonymous]

My dad told me once that the fastest way to end your marriage is to have another adult move in with you. Doing that means you’ll put a damper on physical affection, and a damper on conversation. It will no longer be possible to eat supper and say “I’d love to go to the beach next summer” without the extra adult jumping in either then or later with an opinion “Hey, I’ll come too” “You all don’t want to go there do you”? “Are you sure it’s fair to make him drive that way” Or, “I’ll never forget how he yelled at you last week” “well, I have, and he was yelling at me, not you, and wink wink, we had pretty hot sex afterword” “Hmm, while looking disapproving “it better not happen again, “Why, you might move out?, hey pst pst, husband let’s go down stairs tomorrow and have a fight, I’ll burn the toast and that’s your cue to start yelling, that will get this person out of what I thought was our marital home”.
It can even be difficult to schedule date night without the extra adult saying “Hey, bring me back…” when all the two of you want to do is go out and focus on each other.
Or
, These adults often comment on what’s going on in your home “that guy seemed so sweet, why not give him a chance to install the flooring” “Because I talked to him and I’m not sure he can do what we want” “but I was there, I heard the whole thing, can’t you just be gracious, we all have to learn somewhere” “Yes, but he doesn’t have to learn on my house” “Wow, I didn’t know your wife was such a b**ch” is often how this happens. It can take the right of spouses to have private conversations about what they do, what they want to do, even which contractors they have in their homes without feeling like it will come back to bite one of you. Don’t say for a second you haven’t done some or all of these op, you don’t write a post like yours and have the ability or manners to just eat your dinner and go to your room and study. I’m absolutely certain of this.
Usually these adults are there like you op, you are for whatever reason unable or unwilling to live alone, find your own spouse, or keep working so you can keep being financially solvent. “going back to school” is another way of saying “I can’t handle life” which clearly, you can’t.
I’d move out, op. Let your sibling’s marriage do what it’s going to do. If your sibling wants to take back their spouse who cheated, that’s not up to you. Cheating isn’t nice, I’d not take a spouse back a second time, but a first, especially if it happened under very stressful circumstances, that I can totally understand.
I think too, it takes people awhile to figure out how they want to function as a married couple and what they want their role to be. Your father may have been happy cosigning for car loans for your siblings, your husband may not. He’s allowed to say “I’m married, I didn’t adopt your siblings” and still be a real good guy. You are allowed to say “I know mom and dad opened their house to any student in Dad’s physics class that needed housing, I am not”. That wouldn’t make you a bad spouse, a bad friend, unsupportive of higher education, it just means you aren’t going to live the way your mom did. You also have that right.
As for buying out the spouse who is moving out (and they don’t have to move) how exactly are you going to do that? You by your own admission can’t afford to live alone. You won’t work. Where exactly where money come from and if you’ve got it, why are you interfering with another’s marriage, which is what you are indeed doing. You sound a bit nuts and the only thing worse then living with an extra adult is living with a nutty extra adult. Your sibling’s spouse should have started divorce procedurings the day another adult moved in. Like I said, cheating isn’t nice. They didn’t and sadly the cheating is the focus, not the weird dynamics of your family. If you left them alone, they might be married 50 years from now and they’d be telling their grandchildren “Guys, whatever else you do, don’t let another person move in with you, that’s how I nearly lost your grandmother”.