Caught in between someone else's divorce

[Anonymous]

Sibling's partner started having an affair soon after they got married a couple years ago, everyone only just found out, divorce seems likely. I live with them, can't move out, and there's no other family around. No kids involved. Any tips on living with a couple that's going through a divorce?

I think the partner's going to move out, so it won't be forever

Don't know if I should be taking sides, but I've been living with them (on and off) for a few years, and I've seen this relationship play out pretty closely. It's just surreal and I don't think my sibling deserved this, they really gave everything they had to the relationship. Everyone's trying to keep it amicable, but I can't help but be angry at sibling's (ex) partner

[Anonymous]

Why can't you move out?

[Anonymous]

Maybe living with her husband’s sister as a newlywed destroyed the marriage. That’s probably when she realized she’d never come first in the relationship and wanted out.

[Anonymous]

Starting out married life with a third wheel living in the same space is not conducive to the best entente, first of all.

You just stay out of it as much you can. Do not interfere. Your mere presence was probably an irritant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you move out?

I'm a full time student and not currently working, been living off of savings from when I was working FT. I'll be done in a few months, but finding a rental is a bit of a nightmare without a job. I was renting when I was working, and moved in with them last year when they bought the house. Cheaper renting from family and whatnot

I could get a job and move out, but I don't see the point if their partner is going to move out anyways? I can stay on, help with the mortgage (maybe I co-own with my sibling and we buy out their partner?), provide emotional support. We don't have any other family left that we're actually close with, it's just us.

I'm going to need a job either way, but I don't have it in me to leave my sibling like that when their life is falling apart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe living with her husband’s sister as a newlywed destroyed the marriage. That’s probably when she realized she’d never come first in the relationship and wanted out.

We lived like that for a year before they got married, sibling's partner's brother lived with us too. They only decided to get married once they saw everyone was getting along perfectly fine

the partner's brother was living here too. He finished up uni and moved out a few months ago, so now it's just me + them. I wasn't even living with them when the affair started

[Anonymous]

What does your sibling want and need? Talk to them and decide from there.

This is above the payscale of a bunch of internet strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe living with her husband’s sister as a newlywed destroyed the marriage. That’s probably when she realized she’d never come first in the relationship and wanted out.

We lived like that for a year before they got married, sibling's partner's brother lived with us too. They only decided to get married once they saw everyone was getting along perfectly fine

the partner's brother was living here too. He finished up uni and moved out a few months ago, so now it's just me + them. I wasn't even living with them when the affair started

you all need to get on with your own life, seriously

[Anonymous]

Are you learning how to use punctuation as part of this education?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe living with her husband’s sister as a newlywed destroyed the marriage. That’s probably when she realized she’d never come first in the relationship and wanted out.

We lived like that for a year before they got married, sibling's partner's brother lived with us too. They only decided to get married once they saw everyone was getting along perfectly fine

the partner's brother was living here too. He finished up uni and moved out a few months ago, so now it's just me + them. I wasn't even living with them when the affair started

You keep insisting it worked out so well and everyone was happy… And yet, your brother is getting a divorce which is pretty damming evidence that this situation was not working.

You keep ignoring everyone who says it’s predictable that living with third wheels caused major stressors and led to the breakdown of the relationship. That’s a fact. Living with you is like living with any in-law. It’s the fastest way to destroy a marriage.

[Anonymous]

What culture are you that you are so enmeshed and dependent on each other? Grow up and get your own place.

[Anonymous]

just stay out of the house as much as possible.
stay on campus to do your work and eat dinner.
stay in your room as much as possible and don't linger and hang out in the living room

[Anonymous]

Don't listen to the crazy people, cheaters cheat. They would cheat if you didn't live there too.

Support your sibling, they will be very lonely when the cheater moves out, so stay.

Go to your own space to relax when things get tense.

Your a student so you should be pretty busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you move out?

I'm a full time student and not currently working, been living off of savings from when I was working FT. I'll be done in a few months, but finding a rental is a bit of a nightmare without a job. I was renting when I was working, and moved in with them last year when they bought the house. Cheaper renting from family and whatnot

I could get a job and move out, but I don't see the point if their partner is going to move out anyways? I can stay on, help with the mortgage (maybe I co-own with my sibling and we buy out their partner?), provide emotional support. We don't have any other family left that we're actually close with, it's just us.

I'm going to need a job either way, but I don't have it in me to leave my sibling like that when their life is falling apart

Absolutely not. co-owning with a sibling is a nightmare, what about when the two of you want to start your own families and households?
Just suggesting that seems to indicate that you are too enmeshed with your sibling. Don't blame the spouse for straying --- it was probably a way of having their own agency and life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe living with her husband’s sister as a newlywed destroyed the marriage. That’s probably when she realized she’d never come first in the relationship and wanted out.

We lived like that for a year before they got married, sibling's partner's brother lived with us too. They only decided to get married once they saw everyone was getting along perfectly fine

the partner's brother was living here too. He finished up uni and moved out a few months ago, so now it's just me + them. I wasn't even living with them when the affair started

dont even think about "co-owing" with your sibling unless you want to sink the next relationship as well. finish your degree, find a job, move out and have your own life. i supported a sibling through a bad breakup and we were living in different countries.