Ever had one of those "I'll never quite get over this" moments?

[Anonymous]

OP, if I had to guess, I'd say that this incident reminded you of something that happened when you were a kid -- something that hurt you and "wounded" you and you haven't gotten over. It might have happened when you were just a toddler, and you might not even consciously remember the event. And I'm not talking about some deep terrible traumatic event either; you could have had the most loving parents -- but in any child's life, there will be times when mom or dad will snap unjustifiably (in the child's mind) and it could be hurtful and confusing -- they might not have even apologized for it.

So it just stuck there in your psyche, and when you did it to your own child (completely understandably, you were stressed, didn't wan't the book ripped) you saw her eyes, and it brought back that feeling when you were little.

Just a stab in the dark! But I think often when we have feelings that come up like that it is rooted in something unresolved in the past.

With my kids, who are a little older, I find that when I screw something up, I can apologize right away, but I can also talk about it later. "Remember that time when I __________, and you didn't even deserve it?" You bet they remember, and I think it helps them to hear me talk about what was happening, and why I think it happened, and what's the better thing to do instead.

In this case you could tell your child the next time you read a book, "Let's remember to turn pages the safe way, so they don't get ripped. Do you remember the other night when I yelled at you for ripping a page by accident? You didn't like that did you? Mommies shouldn't yell at kids. It scares them and hurts their feelings. What shoudl Mommies do instead? They should speak with polite voices. They should say "Please be careful with my book". So you will be careful turning the pages, and Mommy will be careful to speak with a polite voice." -- or whatever is appropriate for your age child.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you...and frankly am happy to hear I'm not the only one who does this. I have so little patience that sometimes I wonder if I was meant to be a parent. If I'm having a bad day or feeling particularly impatient, I will end up getting pissed off at my son - who is overall a very good-natured, pleasing 4 yr. old - for the simplest of things. And a few times, I have done things that were just way out of line. Just last week I had one of these episodes that may have been the worst yet when I was watching him in a basketball class and he kept passing underhanded vs. overhanded as the teacher had taught him, and we had reminded him several times. When it came to partnering, I could tell that his partner was frustrated and the "coach" was no longer reminding him about doing overhanded. Finally I couldn't help myself and I did that thing that I swore I'd never do...I ran out there very quickly and reminded him about the correct way to pass, yet he still didn't do it. And then at the end I showed clear disappointment in him and verbally made him feel bad for not doing it right...even threatened that maybe he shouldn't go to class anymore if he couldn't follow simple directions. And then I saw his entire demeanor change and I felt like the shittiest parent EVER. How could I treat him like that? And didn't I even stop to think that maybe I should explore why he kept doing it "wrong" instead of assuming he was being defiant or not following directions? And as PP mentioned, yes, it reminded me of something my own mother would have done/did do to me, and that was the worst part. Luckily, unlike my mom, I sat him down later in the day and apologized to him, told him I acted poorly and we talked about it. But I'm still not totally over it and hope I can use it as a learning experience. Oh, and I've also gotten really made over books being ruined before, too. I'm really sensitive to book destruction. Ugh.