Telling your kids about your SA

[Anonymous]

Very selfish thinking OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone with direct experience on this, I recommend waiting until your child is 30+.

Interesting you recommend waiting so long. I'm in my 30s and my mother recently told me about her SA. But she's in her 70s and when I tried talking to her about it, she claimed she didn't know what I was taking about. And now I'm not sure if she has dementia and just made it up, which is terrible because people tend not to believe SA survivors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yes, by all means burden your 16 year old with this information so they can "know this part of you".

+100 WTF!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very selfish thinking OP

+10000000000000000000000000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very selfish thinking OP

Wow. Mean.
OP, sorry you experienced an SA and even have to think about this as an added layer.

[Anonymous]

Chisst. Why on earth would you tell your children this?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the "why tell?" because i cant think of how that would help your child in the slightest.

[Anonymous]

I was also assaulted in both hs and college. I have told both of my daughters that it happened but not the details. They know that I was assaulted by a boyfriend in hs and strangers in college and we’ve spoken about the other things like having people grope me on the subway and a man attempting to take photos up my skirt in public.

We talk a lot about what it means to be a woman and how to keep yourself safe. They know that things like drinking and drugs can impair them and make them more vulnerable to assault. They also know that simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time can as well which is what happened to me. I don’t want them to be scared but I do want them to be aware and understand how to protect themselves and be aware of how to help others. They are currently 11 and 14 and in 6th and 9th grades.

My older dd has started being invited to parties and she doesn’t feel like she is ready to deal with those situations yet (I agree) so she doesn’t go, but when she does start I think she will be going in with her eyes open and a clear head. One of her friends was assaulted last year by a boy in their class who then spread horrible lies about her so she knows it happens to girls now, despite a lot of things being “better” for girls and women than when I was a teen.

I have also shared my health history including an eating disorder and mental health struggles I had as a teen with my daughters because I think it’s important that they know their mom struggled with things in her life as well. It isn’t a burden, it’s sharing information with people who should know it, especially since if they ever find themselves struggling with anything like this that they can speak with me about it and know that I can empathize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was also assaulted in both hs and college. I have told both of my daughters that it happened but not the details. They know that I was assaulted by a boyfriend in hs and strangers in college and we’ve spoken about the other things like having people grope me on the subway and a man attempting to take photos up my skirt in public.

We talk a lot about what it means to be a woman and how to keep yourself safe. They know that things like drinking and drugs can impair them and make them more vulnerable to assault. They also know that simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time can as well which is what happened to me. I don’t want them to be scared but I do want them to be aware and understand how to protect themselves and be aware of how to help others. They are currently 11 and 14 and in 6th and 9th grades.

My older dd has started being invited to parties and she doesn’t feel like she is ready to deal with those situations yet (I agree) so she doesn’t go, but when she does start I think she will be going in with her eyes open and a clear head. One of her friends was assaulted last year by a boy in their class who then spread horrible lies about her so she knows it happens to girls now, despite a lot of things being “better” for girls and women than when I was a teen.

I have also shared my health history including an eating disorder and mental health struggles I had as a teen with my daughters because I think it’s important that they know their mom struggled with things in her life as well. It isn’t a burden, it’s sharing information with people who should know it, especially since if they ever find themselves struggling with anything like this that they can speak with me about it and know that I can empathize.

+1
It's selfish to have that lived experience and knowledge and NOT share it. Even to understand how the police and media might treat you is very important to know in my experience

[Anonymous]

My mom told me (with no details) but when I was 14 or so. I really wish she hadn’t. We’ve never talked about it again and I’m 50. She told me this in the context of why she didn’t like the city where it happened.