Parent's money, spouse's lack of ambition.

[Anonymous]

Your friend should mind her own business. I’d worry about that.
FWIW I’ve had a close friend make a similar comment to me about my husband underperforming about 10 years ago. That comment always bothered me and stuck with me. The thing is my friend didn’t know enough about my husband and his job to warrant such a comment and I just couldn’t understand why would she say something like that to me.
It took me a while and several other situations to realise that this friend likes to undermine my confidence once in a while. Maybe out of jealousy or false sense of superiority.
I’d look at it from that perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a man I retired in my early 40s after a very high paying career that I hated. I was gifted over 10 million from my parents and expect to inherit more than that.

I have zero interest in trying to grid it out anymore. Much prefer spending time with the kids and exercising/ focusing on my physical health.

I have the option , so why not?

What does this response have to do with anything?

[Anonymous]

She is just jealous or simply being negative

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a man I retired in my early 40s after a very high paying career that I hated. I was gifted over 10 million from my parents and expect to inherit more than that.

I have zero interest in trying to grid it out anymore. Much prefer spending time with the kids and exercising/ focusing on my physical health.

I have the option , so why not?

Self respect. In this case Obama was right. "You didn't build that!"

[Anonymous]

She’s not your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s not your friend.

This, plus was OP whining to the "friend" about how shiftless DH is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a man I retired in my early 40s after a very high paying career that I hated. I was gifted over 10 million from my parents and expect to inherit more than that.

I have zero interest in trying to grid it out anymore. Much prefer spending time with the kids and exercising/ focusing on my physical health.

I have the option , so why not?

Self respect. In this case Obama was right. "You didn't build that!"

So what?

[Anonymous]

Suggest to your parents that they create a generation skipping trust whereby the trust income will go to you and the principle to your children when you die. If they name you as trustee, you will be able to access the principle for a variety of reasons. The key is that this will not be considered marital property thus your lazy husband won’t have access to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend suggested that my DH is underperforming in his career track because he knows I'll inherit some money in the future. I think that's bull. For one, my parents could live another 20 years and run through all of their money! I've always assumed they'll live long, and that I can't count on their money. And I've never told my DH how much money they have. But is it possible that he's taking it easy because he is expecting a windfall when they pass away?

This is a lot to unpack. First, rethink what you are telling your best friend. How do they know if your husband is or is not underperforming at his job? Is this something you have vented? How do they know you are expecting a large inheritance? Why would they put that out there to you connecting those two things and what is their motive in telling you? It would never occur to me to say that to my friends because from a purely practical standpoint if the spouse underperforming at work IS an issue of marital discord then I assume if any inheritance comes down the line they would have either already divorced or they decided to stay together for all the years despite it and there are other things that balance it. In addition the inheritance is to the individual not the couple so if my friend didn’t do-mingle, it’s really their money and the spouse only gets the benefit as long as they are married.

I would say with best friend and spouse if there is any talk of inheritance from your parents your go to line needs to be that it’s your their money and you assume they will spend it and you hope they enjoy spending it. Neither your friend or spouse can be counting your parents money if you are making it clear that you aren’t counting on your parent’s money and your preference is for them to spend and enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

I just had a similar situation where I totally unexpectedly inherited a good nest egg. My parents were frugal and I thought it was bc they didn’t have much. They shocked us after they passed. My husband of 21 years promptly bought a sailboat for that amount. I was blindsided and totally regretted depositing the money in our mutual account. My parents were wise in keeping it close to the vest and I wish I had too. I hope you didn’t tell him this before you married.

[Anonymous]

20:09 again
I wish I never mentioned it. Not long after that our marriage started disintegrating. If we divorce I’ll likely get half of it back. Great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just had a similar situation where I totally unexpectedly inherited a good nest egg. My parents were frugal and I thought it was bc they didn’t have much. They shocked us after they passed. My husband of 21 years promptly bought a sailboat for that amount. I was blindsided and totally regretted depositing the money in our mutual account. My parents were wise in keeping it close to the vest and I wish I had too. I hope you didn’t tell him this before you married.

You should have gotten divorced.

Then you would have gotten half your inheritance. As it stands you got nothing.

[Anonymous]

OP, how much money is your DH thinking you might inherit? It's hard to say without knowing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just had a similar situation where I totally unexpectedly inherited a good nest egg. My parents were frugal and I thought it was bc they didn’t have much. They shocked us after they passed. My husband of 21 years promptly bought a sailboat for that amount. I was blindsided and totally regretted depositing the money in our mutual account. My parents were wise in keeping it close to the vest and I wish I had too. I hope you didn’t tell him this before you married.

You should have gotten divorced.

Then you would have gotten half your inheritance. As it stands you got nothing.

I got a prenup. Everything is separate by title. So zero issue with having to share gifts, inheritance or any money that I have made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you very young or the only affluent person in your social circle?

I'm not either. I'm mid-50s, and I'm not affluent. My parents are affluent. DH IS working, but underperforming, not trying to find an appropriate FT job.