How do I minimize how often I end up harping on my kid?

[Anonymous]

You’re engaging in a battle of wills and control.

Let a lot of it go.

Who cares if he eats a snack instead of a dinner he might not want to tell you he doesn’t like?

Obviously the more you nag, the more he tunes out. Try a different tactic and choose your battles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with repeating myself to my DD 11 too OP. It’s so annoying. They’re at an age where they wanna act like they know everything but need reminding on basic tasks constantly. My current issue is washing her face. She showers in the morning so at night is supposed to wash face with face soap ( she has pimples) I literally have to remind her every night. Last night she fell asleep reading so didn’t do it. So tonight I’ll tell her to do it before she reads and she’ll argue about it.
Our issues aren’t with food, but I empathize with the arguing/pushback.

Just let her have pimples. Good grief. If it doesn’t bother her enough for her to take charge, it should not bother you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with repeating myself to my DD 11 too OP. It’s so annoying. They’re at an age where they wanna act like they know everything but need reminding on basic tasks constantly. My current issue is washing her face. She showers in the morning so at night is supposed to wash face with face soap ( she has pimples) I literally have to remind her every night. Last night she fell asleep reading so didn’t do it. So tonight I’ll tell her to do it before she reads and she’ll argue about it.
Our issues aren’t with food, but I empathize with the arguing/pushback.

My oldest son and skincare..ugh! I commiserate. His acne is bad, but now once has he followed the skincare routine of simple wash, pat dry, apply product. Wash after sweating, etc. The dermatologist can provide anything and then he might do it for one day, the first week and then he's doing nothing again. Accutane is not an option for various reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s hungry after dinner he can eat dinner leftovers.

He’s almost 14. You can’t force him to have leftover dinner instead of snacks. Unless you don’t buy them at all or lock them up

Not op. Obviously she can't force him but she can set rules. And then follow through. For me it would mean me hanging in the kitchen in the evening and pointing to the fridge when they try to go for pantry snacks. If she has appropriate respect, it's not going to come down to a fistfight.

Op, it sounds like this kid would benefit from a detailed checklist. What "to do" before screentime. You'll have to be hands on at first, checking to make sure the stuff is done.

Say "I love you too much too keep nagging, but I want things to run more smoothly. Can we come up with a plan?" And brainstorm the checklist together.

Hanging out in the kitchen and guarding the snacks is ultra controlling. You cannot control someone else’s food intake, especially a teens

[Anonymous]

Not to be too dismissive.

But just grow a backbone and put your foot down.

No snacks if you didn't eat dinner. No warnings. He tries it, he gets an immediate consequence

[Anonymous]

A lot of this stuff you just need to let go. Choose your battles. Snacking is not the hill you want to die on and frankly you’ll never be able to control anyway. It’s not like when they were younger and you had full control over what they eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this stuff you just need to let go. Choose your battles. Snacking is not the hill you want to die on and frankly you’ll never be able to control anyway. It’s not like when they were younger and you had full control over what they eat.

Disagree. It's not necessarily about the snacking. It's about the lack of respect for the work being done to prepare dinner, and the lack of respect for house rules.

Someone spent time and money to prepare the dinner. You don't get to simply ignore that to go eat snack. And if the house rules are no snacks until dinner has been eaten, then those rules need to be respect. DC can discuss the rules, and even respectfully object to the rules, but they still need to follow them.

I think OP said her DS is only 13. Lets not act like this is a college kid home for the summer. This is still a child. One that must respect the rules put forth by the parents.

This is 100% the hill you DO want to die on.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like every 13 year old boy I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like every 13 year old boy I know.

Not mine.

He's learned that there are basic rules to be followed in the house, and they are for the benefit of the whole family. His bed gets made every morning. His laundry gets put always. And he sits & eats dinner with us as a family.

When he was younger, it was more difficult, but that is when we imposed the consequences for things like bed not made, or laundry put on the floor.

Stop enabling these young men to be disrespectful. Dinner is the time to eat a proper meal. Not the time to ignore the food in front of you and then go raid the pantry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn’t finish his dinner, wrap it up for later.

This is what I do.

OP, boys are just different from girls. They take more work on these types of life skills. Try catching him when he makes good choices and praise him for those. That will help reduce the need for some back-end harping, if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this stuff you just need to let go. Choose your battles. Snacking is not the hill you want to die on and frankly you’ll never be able to control anyway. It’s not like when they were younger and you had full control over what they eat.

Disagree. It's not necessarily about the snacking. It's about the lack of respect for the work being done to prepare dinner, and the lack of respect for house rules.

Someone spent time and money to prepare the dinner. You don't get to simply ignore that to go eat snack. And if the house rules are no snacks until dinner has been eaten, then those rules need to be respect. DC can discuss the rules, and even respectfully object to the rules, but they still need to follow them.

I think OP said her DS is only 13. Lets not act like this is a college kid home for the summer. This is still a child. One that must respect the rules put forth by the parents.

This is 100% the hill you DO want to die on.

Yeah, not me. This is ridiculously controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s hungry after dinner he can eat dinner leftovers.

He’s almost 14. You can’t force him to have leftover dinner instead of snacks. Unless you don’t buy them at all or lock them up

Not op. Obviously she can't force him but she can set rules. And then follow through. For me it would mean me hanging in the kitchen in the evening and pointing to the fridge when they try to go for pantry snacks. If she has appropriate respect, it's not going to come down to a fistfight.

Op, it sounds like this kid would benefit from a detailed checklist. What "to do" before screentime. You'll have to be hands on at first, checking to make sure the stuff is done.

Say "I love you too much too keep nagging, but I want things to run more smoothly. Can we come up with a plan?" And brainstorm the checklist together.

Hanging out in the kitchen and guarding the snacks is ultra controlling. You cannot control someone else’s food intake, especially a teens

+1, sitting in the kitchen all evening guarding the pantry snacks is crazy. Don’t adjust the amount of snacks you purchase, if he goes through the snacks after 2 days and has nothing for the rest of the week he’ll learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this stuff you just need to let go. Choose your battles. Snacking is not the hill you want to die on and frankly you’ll never be able to control anyway. It’s not like when they were younger and you had full control over what they eat.

Disagree. It's not necessarily about the snacking. It's about the lack of respect for the work being done to prepare dinner, and the lack of respect for house rules.

Someone spent time and money to prepare the dinner. You don't get to simply ignore that to go eat snack. And if the house rules are no snacks until dinner has been eaten, then those rules need to be respect. DC can discuss the rules, and even respectfully object to the rules, but they still need to follow them.

I think OP said her DS is only 13. Lets not act like this is a college kid home for the summer. This is still a child. One that must respect the rules put forth by the parents.

This is 100% the hill you DO want to die on.

Yeah, not me. This is ridiculously controlling.

Potato - Potahtoe

You call it controlling. I call it teaching respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not so much DD, but 13.5yrs gr.8 DS.

I feel I'm constantly repeating the same things. Here's an example from today:

DS saying he's full from dinner, then eating a bunch of snacks right immediately after dinner. Me: If you're still hungry then you should be eating more dinner, snacks are for lunches, snacks are expensive, snacks are addicting that's why they "hit different" (as he explains it), and on. I'm tired of it. I'm OK with snacks in lunches otherwise I would just stop buying them altogether but it's expensive and not great.

I feel like this happens with so many things. Homework, bedtime, not being on screens before bed, picking dirty laundry up, anything. Like for example he used to leave his soaked used washcloths in a pile in the bathtub or on the counter which DD obviously wasn't keen on. I swear it took like a year and a half to get him to put it in the laundry room (right across from the bathroom).

I just feel frustrated. I over explain, repeat, explain nothing, threaten taking away gaming time, and it's always the same. He's a good kid but basic "rules" seem next to impossible.

Any tips of what has worked for you?

He has had an ed psych evaluation years ago which didn't yield any diagnosis of any sort. He usually gets A's in everything but gym, but it seems to take so long for things to click and him neglecting things is a problem for others (like running out of lunch snacks every week). Dinners are things he likes and there's other "dinner" foods available too.

OH MY GOD, I can relate to this so much!!! I have an 8th grade boy as well and was just telling my pregnant friend about how my middle schooler is killing me. I too am struggling to find a balance. This age so far is THE WORST!!! I have no advice. I'm in therapy and my therapist says I need to stop trying to control things beucase in reality I have NO CONTROL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this stuff you just need to let go. Choose your battles. Snacking is not the hill you want to die on and frankly you’ll never be able to control anyway. It’s not like when they were younger and you had full control over what they eat.

Disagree. It's not necessarily about the snacking. It's about the lack of respect for the work being done to prepare dinner, and the lack of respect for house rules.

Someone spent time and money to prepare the dinner. You don't get to simply ignore that to go eat snack. And if the house rules are no snacks until dinner has been eaten, then those rules need to be respect. DC can discuss the rules, and even respectfully object to the rules, but they still need to follow them.

I think OP said her DS is only 13. Lets not act like this is a college kid home for the summer. This is still a child. One that must respect the rules put forth by the parents.

This is 100% the hill you DO want to die on.

You sound very neurotic.