How do I minimize how often I end up harping on my kid?

[Anonymous]

Not so much DD, but 13.5yrs gr.8 DS.

I feel I'm constantly repeating the same things. Here's an example from today:

DS saying he's full from dinner, then eating a bunch of snacks right immediately after dinner. Me: If you're still hungry then you should be eating more dinner, snacks are for lunches, snacks are expensive, snacks are addicting that's why they "hit different" (as he explains it), and on. I'm tired of it. I'm OK with snacks in lunches otherwise I would just stop buying them altogether but it's expensive and not great.

I feel like this happens with so many things. Homework, bedtime, not being on screens before bed, picking dirty laundry up, anything. Like for example he used to leave his soaked used washcloths in a pile in the bathtub or on the counter which DD obviously wasn't keen on. I swear it took like a year and a half to get him to put it in the laundry room (right across from the bathroom).

I just feel frustrated. I over explain, repeat, explain nothing, threaten taking away gaming time, and it's always the same. He's a good kid but basic "rules" seem next to impossible.

Any tips of what has worked for you?

He has had an ed psych evaluation years ago which didn't yield any diagnosis of any sort. He usually gets A's in everything but gym, but it seems to take so long for things to click and him neglecting things is a problem for others (like running out of lunch snacks every week). Dinners are things he likes and there's other "dinner" foods available too.

[Anonymous]

i can solve the snacks one for you. buy a certain amount of snacks for the week. divide in half so half goes to each kid. let him eat his whenever he wants. he will have no lunch items.

it is a slog. but if you want him to do certain things then you have to choose a punishment that is his currency.

it is annoying, though.

[Anonymous]

I think logistical fixes for the things that can handle them, and maybe some further exploration a la neuropsych. For example: screentime before bed? Set an alarm on your phone and he needs to dock his phone in a certain spot same time every night. Then, he needs to pick up a checklist of things to do (put clothes away, etc.) He has 10 minutes. If he completes the chores in that time, he can have his device after dinner the next day. If not, device is withheld until he can do it successfully.

You say you're threatening and that it's not working, so it's time to do something. And it's not punishment per se--it's trying to ping his awareness of important things.

Finally, though, maybe you can get a simple Vanderbilt assessment for ADHD from your pediatrician and have a teacher fill it out, do yours, and share with pediatrician. Maybe the last diagnosis wasn't accurate. A lot of what you're saying sounds like my kid with ADHD (though could also apply to many 8th grade boys uninterested in chores!)

[Anonymous]

No screen til homework is done. Screen gets handed back 2 hrs before bed. Has to go to his room at bed time but can do whatever he wants in there (sans screens).

Plus what the pp said about snacks.

Enforce it. Turn off the Wi-Fi in the whole house, for everyone, at 8 pm. Provide books aplenty.

[Anonymous]

If you don't want him eating addictive junk, stop feeding him addictive junk. Don't blame him for that.

Also improve your cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i can solve the snacks one for you. buy a certain amount of snacks for the week. divide in half so half goes to each kid. let him eat his whenever he wants. he will have no lunch items.

it is a slog. but if you want him to do certain things then you have to choose a punishment that is his currency.

it is annoying, though.

This is good advice. I can’t actually quite imagine my young teen eating snacks after dinner though. Instead he just eats all the dinner food, even if I’ve made enough that there should be leftovers for his lunch. Are you sure the dinners are large enough for him?

[Anonymous]

If he doesn’t finish his dinner, wrap it up for later.

[Anonymous]

If he’s hungry after dinner he can eat dinner leftovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not so much DD, but 13.5yrs gr.8 DS.

I feel I'm constantly repeating the same things. Here's an example from today:

DS saying he's full from dinner, then eating a bunch of snacks right immediately after dinner. Me: If you're still hungry then you should be eating more dinner, snacks are for lunches, snacks are expensive, snacks are addicting that's why they "hit different" (as he explains it), and on. I'm tired of it. I'm OK with snacks in lunches otherwise I would just stop buying them altogether but it's expensive and not great.

I feel like this happens with so many things. Homework, bedtime, not being on screens before bed, picking dirty laundry up, anything. Like for example he used to leave his soaked used washcloths in a pile in the bathtub or on the counter which DD obviously wasn't keen on. I swear it took like a year and a half to get him to put it in the laundry room (right across from the bathroom).

I just feel frustrated. I over explain, repeat, explain nothing, threaten taking away gaming time, [b]and it's always the same. He's a good kid but basic "rules" seem next to impossible.

Any tips of what has worked for you?

He has had an ed psych evaluation years ago which didn't yield any diagnosis of any sort. He usually gets A's in everything but gym, but it seems to take so long for things to click and him neglecting things is a problem for others (like running out of lunch snacks every week). Dinners are things he likes and there's other "dinner" foods available too.

Please read the bolded and note the absence of actually following through. I would invite you to consider how that results in the situation in which you find yourself.

[Anonymous]

1) no snacks if dinner isn't eaten. If he's still hungry, he can finish dinner.

2) no game/screen time if chores/obligations aren't completed.

And follow through, not just threaten.

Yes, you are going to have to remind him over and over. Boys are like that. Girls are better, in general. Why do I have to remind my husband not to leave his tools on the kitchen counter when he has an entire garage for them? Y chromosome.

[Anonymous]

I struggle with repeating myself to my DD 11 too OP. It’s so annoying. They’re at an age where they wanna act like they know everything but need reminding on basic tasks constantly. My current issue is washing her face. She showers in the morning so at night is supposed to wash face with face soap ( she has pimples) I literally have to remind her every night. Last night she fell asleep reading so didn’t do it. So tonight I’ll tell her to do it before she reads and she’ll argue about it.
Our issues aren’t with food, but I empathize with the arguing/pushback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he’s hungry after dinner he can eat dinner leftovers.

He’s almost 14. You can’t force him to have leftover dinner instead of snacks. Unless you don’t buy them at all or lock them up

[Anonymous]

Where is DH in enforcing this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s hungry after dinner he can eat dinner leftovers.

He’s almost 14. You can’t force him to have leftover dinner instead of snacks. Unless you don’t buy them at all or lock them up

Not op. Obviously she can't force him but she can set rules. And then follow through. For me it would mean me hanging in the kitchen in the evening and pointing to the fridge when they try to go for pantry snacks. If she has appropriate respect, it's not going to come down to a fistfight.

Op, it sounds like this kid would benefit from a detailed checklist. What "to do" before screentime. You'll have to be hands on at first, checking to make sure the stuff is done.

Say "I love you too much too keep nagging, but I want things to run more smoothly. Can we come up with a plan?" And brainstorm the checklist together.

[Anonymous]

I have growing teenage boys and I don't limit snacks. Not a hill to die on.