Lawyer rec for high conflict divorce please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try mediation if possible. And use it as leverage because the best deal if he could would be through mediation. And also both you will walk away with more money. I used a divorce lawyer for a contested divorce and my savings went from $95k to 5k and my wives from 95k to 13k. And we both came out worse off….

True, but I spent $50k trying to reach a settlement plus $20k on failed mediation and still had to litigate ($100k). If you have a truly unreasonable spouse, it might be better to go straight to litigation.

yes. a lot of people will run up the bill in the name of a “collaborative process.” newsflash - if we could collaborate, we would not be divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Northern Virginia, Fairfax County.

He will definitely still try to use the kids as leverage. Probably by withholding college funding and/or painting me as the bad guy. I’ve done everything I could do to protect them though and now I need out.

It sounds like you are the bad guy.

Troll. Ignore.

Eh... bailing on marriage and strategizing how to get money from your financially successful spouse...

?

I’m the op and I’m not sure why you would draw this conclusion. Bailing on being abused. Sorry, my life, what’s left of it, matters too. I mentioned he’s successful because between his charm and success, no one would believe how he behaves behind closed doors.

I have a job, I make a fraction of what he does because I mommy tracked to care for two kids with learning disabilities and health issues. He’s already told me that if I ever left him that he would quit his job before I got a dime of his money. I’m not expecting much, I just need to get out safely. I came into our marriage with a small inheritance and want to make sure that’s protected from him. He can keep everything that’s his. He would be overjoyed to find me destitute on the street without him but I’m not going to let that happen.

This is really hard for me, if you can’t be somewhat decent with your comment, could you just move along and be a jerk somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try mediation if possible. And use it as leverage because the best deal if he could would be through mediation. And also both you will walk away with more money. I used a divorce lawyer for a contested divorce and my savings went from $95k to 5k and my wives from 95k to 13k. And we both came out worse off….

True, but I spent $50k trying to reach a settlement plus $20k on failed mediation and still had to litigate ($100k). If you have a truly unreasonable spouse, it might be better to go straight to litigation.

What do people do if they don't have that kind of money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try mediation if possible. And use it as leverage because the best deal if he could would be through mediation. And also both you will walk away with more money. I used a divorce lawyer for a contested divorce and my savings went from $95k to 5k and my wives from 95k to 13k. And we both came out worse off….

True, but I spent $50k trying to reach a settlement plus $20k on failed mediation and still had to litigate ($100k). If you have a truly unreasonable spouse, it might be better to go straight to litigation.

What do people do if they don't have that kind of money?

They are mentally and physically destroyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Northern Virginia, Fairfax County.

He will definitely still try to use the kids as leverage. Probably by withholding college funding and/or painting me as the bad guy. I’ve done everything I could do to protect them though and now I need out.

It sounds like you are the bad guy.

Troll. Ignore.

Eh... bailing on marriage and strategizing how to get money from your financially successful spouse...

?

I’m the op and I’m not sure why you would draw this conclusion. Bailing on being abused. Sorry, my life, what’s left of it, matters too. I mentioned he’s successful because between his charm and success, no one would believe how he behaves behind closed doors.

I have a job, I make a fraction of what he does because I mommy tracked to care for two kids with learning disabilities and health issues. He’s already told me that if I ever left him that he would quit his job before I got a dime of his money. I’m not expecting much, I just need to get out safely. I came into our marriage with a small inheritance and want to make sure that’s protected from him. He can keep everything that’s his. He would be overjoyed to find me destitute on the street without him but I’m not going to let that happen.

This is really hard for me, if you can’t be somewhat decent with your comment, could you just move along and be a jerk somewhere else.

Just a note of support, OP. I totally hear you- I am waiting for my youngest to finish HS and then I'm out out peaceing out. My husband has been verbally abusive for 20 years, and I'm a lobster in the pot. I can't really be around him anymore without being physically nervous and sick. I need to stick around to protect my kids- and I am balancing my own career and living my life to the fullest for now. Good for you, you will get through this!!!! I have a lawyer already, but we are not in VA so I don't have recs. I've been told that the lawyer can do awesome forensic accounting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Northern Virginia, Fairfax County.

He will definitely still try to use the kids as leverage. Probably by withholding college funding and/or painting me as the bad guy. I’ve done everything I could do to protect them though and now I need out.

It sounds like you are the bad guy.

Troll. Ignore.

Eh... bailing on marriage and strategizing how to get money from your financially successful spouse...

?

I’m the op and I’m not sure why you would draw this conclusion. Bailing on being abused. Sorry, my life, what’s left of it, matters too. I mentioned he’s successful because between his charm and success, no one would believe how he behaves behind closed doors.

I have a job, I make a fraction of what he does because I mommy tracked to care for two kids with learning disabilities and health issues. He’s already told me that if I ever left him that he would quit his job before I got a dime of his money. I’m not expecting much, I just need to get out safely. I came into our marriage with a small inheritance and want to make sure that’s protected from him. He can keep everything that’s his. He would be overjoyed to find me destitute on the street without him but I’m not going to let that happen.

This is really hard for me, if you can’t be somewhat decent with your comment, could you just move along and be a jerk somewhere else.

Just a note of support, OP. I totally hear you- I am waiting for my youngest to finish HS and then I'm out out peaceing out. My husband has been verbally abusive for 20 years, and I'm a lobster in the pot. I can't really be around him anymore without being physically nervous and sick. I need to stick around to protect my kids- and I am balancing my own career and living my life to the fullest for now. Good for you, you will get through this!!!! I have a lawyer already, but we are not in VA so I don't have recs. I've been told that the lawyer can do awesome forensic accounting.

☺️ Thank you. I wish you all the best for the future new you!

[Anonymous]

Even if he quits his job OP (doubt it since it seems to be his identity to him) he can’t keep you from taking 1/2 the assets. It would only prevent him from owing spousal support which it doesn’t sound like you care about anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try mediation if possible. And use it as leverage because the best deal if he could would be through mediation. And also both you will walk away with more money. I used a divorce lawyer for a contested divorce and my savings went from $95k to 5k and my wives from 95k to 13k. And we both came out worse off….

True, but I spent $50k trying to reach a settlement plus $20k on failed mediation and still had to litigate ($100k). If you have a truly unreasonable spouse, it might be better to go straight to litigation.

yes. a lot of people will run up the bill in the name of a “collaborative process.” newsflash - if we could collaborate, we would not be divorcing.

Wrong. Plenty of people divorce and can be amicable. I can collaborate with my ex-husband just find I just can’t be married to the guy because he was emotionally and financially abusive but a divorce solve that problem. We are still both logical people and we weren’t going to spend tens of thousands of dollars fighting and giving our money to attorneys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try mediation if possible. And use it as leverage because the best deal if he could would be through mediation. And also both you will walk away with more money. I used a divorce lawyer for a contested divorce and my savings went from $95k to 5k and my wives from 95k to 13k. And we both came out worse off….

True, but I spent $50k trying to reach a settlement plus $20k on failed mediation and still had to litigate ($100k). If you have a truly unreasonable spouse, it might be better to go straight to litigation.

What do people do if they don't have that kind of money?

They are mentally and physically destroyed.

Divorces as expensive as you want it to be unless one partner is a complete unreasonable jerk. I divorce from an attorney cost me less than $5000 because I was willing to negotiate and yes I did take a little bit less than 50-50 but it was way better than having a expensive legal battle that would make my life 100 times worse after the fact and I wasn’t going to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If no kids are involved what is there to be in conflict over? Assets?

You may just need a forensic accountant to make sure nothing is hidden, but otherwise I think the law is pretty straightforward on this unless you have very complicated stuff like a business to split.

Can you recommend any forensic accountants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try mediation if possible. And use it as leverage because the best deal if he could would be through mediation. And also both you will walk away with more money. I used a divorce lawyer for a contested divorce and my savings went from $95k to 5k and my wives from 95k to 13k. And we both came out worse off….

True, but I spent $50k trying to reach a settlement plus $20k on failed mediation and still had to litigate ($100k). If you have a truly unreasonable spouse, it might be better to go straight to litigation.

What do people do if they don't have that kind of money?

They are mentally and physically destroyed.

Divorces as expensive as you want it to be unless one partner is a complete unreasonable jerk. I divorce from an attorney cost me less than $5000 because I was willing to negotiate and yes I did take a little bit less than 50-50 but it was way better than having a expensive legal battle that would make my life 100 times worse after the fact and I wasn’t going to do that.

I think those of us who are spending that kind of money were divorcing unreasonable jerks.