How did you break the divorce news to your ILs?

[Anonymous]

I think this all depends how much you like your ILs and how much you want to see them after the divorce. I like my ILs a lot and if we got divorced, I'd still want to have a relationship with them. They'd probably want to spend time with me and the kids, even without DH. Not on Christmas, but in the summer or whatever. I already facilitate their relationship with the kids and wouldn't want that to end (which it would if it were left to DH).

So I'd probably tell them if DH was too chicken. I also like to control my own narrative and get ahead of whatever story he would tell

[Anonymous]

I didn’t. That wasn’t my job. I did reach out after about two months and say something about maintaining a relationship between them and the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Probably they know you two are having problems, have for a very long time. The actual paperwork is pretty unimportant.

If you're the one leaving him and you're a decent human being, you would want to offer them some support. But if you don't feel that - that's telling.

[Anonymous]

I would send flowers but not provide further communications directly to them. They’re going to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Op, adultery? addiction?
I hope you have a very good reason. You are blowing-up your kids' lives. Get help.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean it's over but you're living together as roommates?

Are either of you swapping fluids with another adult human?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are done. We are still living together, as roommates. We have two upper ES kids. Not sure how long this arrangement will last, but there is no reconciliation possible.

He has not told his parents that we are done.

How did you break the divorce news to your ILs? Did your DH do it? At this point, he is fully expecting ME to be the one to tell them!

You need to make up your mind before you tell people outside your circle of vulnerability.

Your subject line says "divorce" but your post already backpedaled to "Not sure how long this arrangement will last".

Have you even talked to your DH about this? Or a lawyer?

[Anonymous]

I did not break the news, wasn't my responsibility to do so. They still insisted on calling me and asking for reasons. That's because like always their DS was a big p$$sY.

[Anonymous]

You say you are done. Until you are actually divorced, it is just some marital problems.

I have seen couples reconcile after affairs, love children, never actually get divorced despite living apart for years.

One couple I know still attends school events together, sit together, seem like a family. They live in separate residences. I don’t think they are actually divorced…yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's MIL's birthday next week. He is taking the kids to see her and FIL. I want to call her at least to wish her. She will wonder what's going on. Maybe I say, "talk to your son more, but you should know we have ended our relationship or something to that effect."
I have to think about this. This would be the second time he's taken the kids to see them without me. That is highly unusual. You are right that it's his job. I do have a good relationship with them, but I don't feel it's my job to tell them. I'm angry that he is pretending to his family that life is going on fine.

I think you should send a card signed by you / gift with he and the kids if that’s what you normally do. Give him more time to explain it to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's MIL's birthday next week. He is taking the kids to see her and FIL. I want to call her at least to wish her. She will wonder what's going on. Maybe I say, "talk to your son more, but you should know we have ended our relationship or something to that effect."
I have to think about this. This would be the second time he's taken the kids to see them without me. That is highly unusual. You are right that it's his job. I do have a good relationship with them, but I don't feel it's my job to tell them. I'm angry that he is pretending to his family that life is going on fine.

Birthdays aren’t national holidays. You can skip a year. It’s not like a death in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not break the news, wasn't my responsibility to do so. They still insisted on calling me and asking for reasons. That's because like always their DS was a big p$$sY.

+1

They all have little to no communication with anyone or each others, and raised their son the same. So then not knowing wtf is ever going on is par for the course. They neglected their own kids for decades and now their adult son neglects his own kids and wife so it’s over.

DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are done. We are still living together, as roommates. We have two upper ES kids. Not sure how long this arrangement will last, but there is no reconciliation possible.

He has not told his parents that we are done.

How did you break the divorce news to your ILs? Did your DH do it? At this point, he is fully expecting ME to be the one to tell them!

He can expect whatever he wants, but it's his job to communicate with his parents.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I like the card idea. I am sure they know we are having issues. The arrangement is living in the same space for now. We both have lawyers. And no for the person who asked, this is not a decision I have taken lightly. I thought about it when the kids were 4 and 5. But I carried on hoping. But I have reached my limit.

[Anonymous]

We traveled to them and told them in person. I have not reached out to them, nor they to me since. Two of his three sibs talk to me from time to time, probably no less or more than before the divorce.