How did you break the divorce news to your ILs?

[Anonymous]

DH and I are done. We are still living together, as roommates. We have two upper ES kids. Not sure how long this arrangement will last, but there is no reconciliation possible.

He has not told his parents that we are done.

How did you break the divorce news to your ILs? Did your DH do it? At this point, he is fully expecting ME to be the one to tell them!

[Anonymous]

Nope that's his job unless you get them in the divorce

[Anonymous]

I’d tell them if they called me, and let them know that going forward, they should probably arrange to see the kids through their son so there’s no miscommunication. Even if you have a good relationship, they are his family and not yours.

[Anonymous]

I didn't tell them. They are his problem. I don't know when exactly he told them but I assume it was before the holidays that year because I never reached out to arrange them.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It's MIL's birthday next week. He is taking the kids to see her and FIL. I want to call her at least to wish her. She will wonder what's going on. Maybe I say, "talk to your son more, but you should know we have ended our relationship or something to that effect."
I have to think about this. This would be the second time he's taken the kids to see them without me. That is highly unusual. You are right that it's his job. I do have a good relationship with them, but I don't feel it's my job to tell them. I'm angry that he is pretending to his family that life is going on fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's MIL's birthday next week. He is taking the kids to see her and FIL. I want to call her at least to wish her. She will wonder what's going on. Maybe I say, "talk to your son more, but you should know we have ended our relationship or something to that effect."
I have to think about this. This would be the second time he's taken the kids to see them without me. That is highly unusual. You are right that it's his job. I do have a good relationship with them, but I don't feel it's my job to tell them. I'm angry that he is pretending to his family that life is going on fine.

You are right that it's not your job to tell them, but it's also your right to live truthfully. So you can decide on either course of action - decide what's best for you.

[Anonymous]

His family, his problem

[Anonymous]

I am not divorced, but if that changed, I would have no problem telling my in-laws and the reasons why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are done. We are still living together, as roommates. We have two upper ES kids. Not sure how long this arrangement will last, but there is no reconciliation possible.

He has not told his parents that we are done.

How did you break the divorce news to your ILs? Did your DH do it? At this point, he is fully expecting ME to be the one to tell them!

He needs to.

Or have your parents do it.

Don’t enable him or fake anything for him.

Try to do a real separation and get going on that.

Any questions from the in laws ignore or say Ask your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I didn't tell them. They are his problem. I don't know when exactly he told them but I assume it was before the holidays that year because I never reached out to arrange them.

I would leave them out of it. MILs can go pick lawyers, start demanding holidays, rework custody time to be for them, and fall in line fully with their son- who can do no wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's MIL's birthday next week. He is taking the kids to see her and FIL. I want to call her at least to wish her. She will wonder what's going on. Maybe I say, "talk to your son more, but you should know we have ended our relationship or something to that effect."
I have to think about this. This would be the second time he's taken the kids to see them without me. That is highly unusual. You are right that it's his job. I do have a good relationship with them, but I don't feel it's my job to tell them. I'm angry that he is pretending to his family that life is going on fine.

Hmm.

You really have no idea what’s been told to them.

If you have something to get off your chest about the demise of the relationship, do it after all the terms are set and signed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's MIL's birthday next week. He is taking the kids to see her and FIL. I want to call her at least to wish her. She will wonder what's going on. Maybe I say, "talk to your son more, but you should know we have ended our relationship or something to that effect."
I have to think about this. This would be the second time he's taken the kids to see them without me. That is highly unusual. You are right that it's his job. I do have a good relationship with them, but I don't feel it's my job to tell them. I'm angry that he is pretending to his family that life is going on fine.

He’ll be bad mouthing you in no time.

[Anonymous]

If you like her and want to maintain a pleasant relationship, send her flowers or mail a card. Because of the kids, they are going to be in your life forever at least peripherally so try to maintain a good relationship for that purpose.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should tell them. It's his place.

If you want to avoid an uncomfortable situation, send a card, don't call.

Give him the space to tell his parents in his own time -- based on what you've shared it seems like this is a recent change in your lives and while you are ready for people to know, he's not there.

If the shoe was on the other foot, would you want him to tell your parents?

[Anonymous]

I would send something for her birthday and not call. I'd also dial back your communication with them for a bit until things have settled.