Gatherings with a newborn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because you want to send your kid to preschool doesn't mean you also have to attend one year's Thanksgiving get-together or a cousin's wedding. There's a false equivalency there. Preschool is for your kid's development and is presumably part of your childcare. Sure, your preschooler might get the newborn sick, but one could reasonably decide to assume that risk given the value obtained from sending the kid to preschool.

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Meh. Mom’s either on maternity leave or is a SAHM. The older kid probably doesn’t need to be in preschool. The kid might enjoy it and the parents might find it convenient, but the kid missing a couple of months isn’t the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

I mean. A lot of this is a first kid versus not first kid thing. You can kind of pause/freeze life when it’s your first baby…if it’s your second/third, life goes on and you DO bring your baby to a party or whatever 2 weeks postpartum and it’s really not unusual. If your older kid is in school it’s silly to say you’re avoiding holiday gatherings bc of germs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you're not crazy and they're not crazy. I had my first in feb 2021 and my 2nd in feb 2023 and I brought him to two weddings in the first four months. it's all about what you want to do. if you're not comfortable, don't go.

+1. You do you boo. I had my first pre-pandemic (2019) and it was pretty relaxed...It was late spring and everything was outside anyway. I had my second in the middle of the pandemic (2021) and I was pretty cautious. I had her in the Fall and we did a very small Thanksgiving with like four other family members and Christmas with only my mom. Third baby was born in July and with two older kids in school full time I've just accepted that we'll all be sick with something at some point. We're doing Thanksgiving and Christmas with family and we attended a wedding (outdoors) with my youngest at four weeks. I will say that I do not understand how crazy some people are though... I was getting on the elevator with my 6 week old baby to go to an appointment and a mom with what looked like her night nurse (neither were masked) and a baby were in the elevator and the mom asked me if I could not ride up with them because her baby was six weeks. I was like "yeah, I have a six week old too" and she flipped out and got off the elevator. I mean...if you're that concerned wear a mask everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's your preschooler who is definitely the one who is going to get the baby sick.

Ask me how I know.

Yep, this. If you’re sending your kid to school, you can’t really (credibly) use the germ excuse, that’s just silly.

That said, you’re allowed to use the “just want to stay home and enjoy low key time with our little family” excuse, if that’s what’s going on!

[Anonymous]

You and baby don’t have to go, OP. I can understand wanting to avoid the stress of travel. BUT your DH and older child should absolutely go as the family representatives to both the Thanksgiving dinner and the wedding. To prevent them from doing so is hypocritical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sending your older kid to preschool and not attending Thanksgiving or Christmas is a hard sell. Pick a lane.

I had two winter babies (pre-pandemic) and took steps to avoid illness. I also didn’t attend Christmas with days-old babies. I’m a SAHM and my older child was turning 3 when my younger child was born. My older child wasn’t in preschool yet so the 3 of us were just…home.

This. You’re being inconsistent. It’d be like insisting on the best possible child safety car seat for your infant to ride in, and then putting it, and the baby, loose in the bed of a pickup. You’ve lost the plot and you’re acting emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either stay home or don't. But the baby will pick up everything the preschooler will bring home anyway, so it makes ittle sense to be selective. It's kinda like during Covid, people made excuses to do the things they wanted but avoid the ones they didn't.

That said, as someone who had a really tough recovery from my C-section, I wouldn't commit to attending anything for the first few weeks. There isn't enough focus on giving new moms a chance to recover from surgery.

This is a really important part about Thanksgiving in particular.

[Anonymous]

Even before the pandemic, my ped told me not to take my newborn into public. Not sure why it would be different now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even before the pandemic, my ped told me not to take my newborn into public. Not sure why it would be different now.

+1. The “Zomg I took my kid to Home Depot and Chuckie Cheese on the way home from the hospital!!1!” posters are the crazy ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because you want to send your kid to preschool doesn't mean you also have to attend one year's Thanksgiving get-together or a cousin's wedding. There's a false equivalency there. Preschool is for your kid's development and is presumably part of your childcare. Sure, your preschooler might get the newborn sick, but one could reasonably decide to assume that risk given the value obtained from sending the kid to preschool.

This. You need to think about the risk/benefit. Who is benefiting from a postpartum mom and newborn attending these events? The pouty grandmas?

[Anonymous]

I’m due with my 2nd in a few weeks after a pandemic 1st baby and I empathize with your thinking. We will probably skip family Thanksgiving because I will be in a sleep-deprived haze/recovering. I’m not even thinking about germs because they will 100% come from my older DC more than anyone else. However, I’m hoping for the best and don’t plan on sending my regrets on events until the baby is here and we’re closer to the event.

You’re going to be judged no matter what you do, unfortunately. So, do whatever feels right for you and your family. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even before the pandemic, my ped told me not to take my newborn into public. Not sure why it would be different now.

Same. Talk to the ped OP. And for the love of god don’t bust your stitches doing something stupid like going to Home Depot on the way home. That’s what delivery is for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You and baby don’t have to go, OP. I can understand wanting to avoid the stress of travel. BUT your DH and older child should absolutely go as the family representatives to both the Thanksgiving dinner and the wedding. To prevent them from doing so is hypocritical.

Meh, missing one holiday gathering is not the end of the world. One of my kiddos was born in early December and we didn't travel for Christmas that year. Sure, DH and the other kid could go but there is nothing wrong with having a nuclear family holiday. And I had a couple cousins who didn't attend my wedding because they had recently had babies and it wasn't a good time to travel- NBD and I don't know why anyone would make it so. It's an invitation, not a summons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sending your older kid to preschool and not attending Thanksgiving or Christmas is a hard sell. Pick a lane.

I had two winter babies (pre-pandemic) and took steps to avoid illness. I also didn’t attend Christmas with days-old babies. I’m a SAHM and my older child was turning 3 when my younger child was born. My older child wasn’t in preschool yet so the 3 of us were just…home.

This. You’re being inconsistent. It’d be like insisting on the best possible child safety car seat for your infant to ride in, and then putting it, and the baby, loose in the bed of a pickup. You’ve lost the plot and you’re acting emotionally.

Lol. If you were to talk to a pediatrician, they would likely advise you to limit your newborn’s exposures until they can get more of their vaccines. This has always been pretty standard advice. But they’re not telling you you have to lock down the rest of your family at home. Some of you are such black and white thinkers. Fevers in young infants are no joke, my nephew was admitted to the hospital when he got one.

[Anonymous]

I had my kids well before the pandemic, and the pediatrician advised us to limit our outings for a month or so.